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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Applejuice, I think that you should stop saying you don't care, you won't run into his arms again. This is simply not true, is it? You can't wait for him to come crawling back to you, that will make you happy, so please don't say things you don't mean. If you truly didn't care you wouldn't be posting here is such turmoil about him not calling. Stop trying to push him away, I understand your hurt, but you also want to control this situation, but he won't let you. You are happy now that you were the strong one in the last conversation, almost smug about it. Do you really care about this guy, or is it that you want to win? Your making the decision for him by your actions, if you truly care about HIM and the relationship, step back and LISTEN to what he is saying and stop trying to get him to get together with you on any terms for your own gratification. You will lose him this way!!!
AJ, didn't you send him this message Wednesday?

[QUOTE]"saw you online earlier. thought we were going to talk soon. doesnt matter although i am slightly disappointed after everything i didnt receive the phonecall you agreed to make when you returned. [B]if (and thats a big if) you were planning a phonecall, i dont want it.[/B] goodluck with exams. see you around."[/QUOTE]

And this one, too?


[QUOTE]"me was i rushing for a decision? no darling. far from it. [B]dont you dare think for a second id rush back into your arms.im talking about a brief phonecall or message-thats not self centred.i didnt want to talk to you believe it or not but id have had the decency to call/ message[/B]. what did you do to upset your mum?"[/QUOTE]


Here is an excerpt of your post this morning:

[QUOTE]"[B]I know Im being so silly, but I wish he'd call me back and asked me what was wrong?[/B] Is he really that busy for a short conversation?"[/QUOTE]

Can you not relax a bit and let him come to you? I think you're sending him huge mixed signals which come across as nothing but drama. You seem to want everything to be very orchestrated with you as the only conductor. Real love just isn't that way at all.

This guy's walking on eggshells around you, I'm sure. It appears he's damned if he does; damned if he doesn't. Does this kind of relationship appeal to you? I'd have an ulcer by now with all of this stress, anxiety and drama. Love is supposed to uplifting and comforting, accepting. You two obviously do not accept each other.
[QUOTE=StenoLady1;3082962]AJ, didn't you send him this message Wednesday?



And this one, too?





Here is an excerpt of your post this morning:



Can you not relax a bit and let him come to you? I think you're sending him huge mixed signals which come across as nothing but drama. You seem to want everything to be very orchestrated with you as the only conductor. Real love just isn't that way at all.

This guy's walking on eggshells around you, I'm sure. It appears he's damned if he does; damned if he doesn't. Does this kind of relationship appeal to you? I'd have an ulcer by now with all of this stress, anxiety and drama. Love is supposed to uplifting and comforting, accepting. You two obviously do not accept each other.[/QUOTE]

Steno-
Good observation. Yes I am sending out mixed signals, because in all fairness, I still dont know what i want or what i want to do. As I said in my previous messages, I want to spend some time with him and talk to him. Im not going to rush back into the relationship with no real aim or a solution because then things will not improve, will remain the same and cause us more heartache. Im only going to be committed and strong when Iknow what I want and what I am doing. This has been difficult- I have not seen him for a week and a half now, and yesterday only spoke to him for 8 minutes. I chop and change- one minute I think it could work and the next I think it couldnt. We havent really had a proper chat and nothing is set in stone. I am unsure.
It has always been a long term weakness of mine- Ive never really let him come to me. I think that is because I am impatient and I hate things dragging on. I mean, our real issues started in january-half a year ago. I kept trying to talk to him about it and what needed to be improved, but he'd rather stick his head in the sand hoping things would disappear- his own words. No wonder I am a little impatient. He says, though, that I dont give him the time. But its been 6 months?
I dont want to drag myself down by moaning, I want to remain positive and not depressed because I want to have a good day today regardless of my relationship status. Life is too short to be down and miserable about a relationship.
Thanks Bad Company.
I try to let him come to me as I have said before, but it seems like I'd be waiting a life time for that to happen.
After having only spoken for 8 minutes yesterday, havent heard from hm today and its now 10.30pm here.
Im feeling like the bottom of his list right now which is not good. I kept telling him the problem was that I didnt feel wanted or love enough- this has been an on going problem. He explains "give me time." Its so frustrating.

I have mentioned on these boards previously about a guy who I met when I was on a trip with my university. My bf and I werent together at that time (he broke up with me due to arguments, started seeing someone else). After a few weeks, me and this guy made out and were kinda seeing eachother. Then my bf came back to me, begging for another chance, so I picked him. But since then, Ive always thought about the other guy. He was interested and i think he kept hoping my boyfriend and i would break up. My bf once sent him an abusive message, telling him to keep away- he got very jealous. Anyway, about 4 months ago he stared seeing someone new, and i was a little upset. Things were getting bad with my bf, so I kept wondering whether or not I made the right decision.
Anyway, I still see this guy as a friend. We were planning to spend some time together- he sent me a message saying "my bf has given us permission haha". Then I replied "she can come with us, itd be nice." Then he replies "we broke up for the summer" Now I found out him and his gf have split up for the summer- he is a little upset. I remember him saying he thought he loved her before. So why do I feel guilty about meeting up with him? I mean, Im not technically in a relationship now am I? Im not going to be all over him, but I know my bf (i dontknow what to call him) wouldnt like it in the slightest and would probably make him very mad- especially given the circumstance. But I shouldnt care should I? I mean, he broke up with me two weeks ago, saying he had no feelings and that I should consider myself single. Hes barely put in any effort to mend things with me. I should go out and have fun?
[QUOTE=apple_juice;3084811] do you think i have an unrealistic expectation of expecting a phonecall he promised to make when he returned on the monday?
I do not think that is an unrealistic expectation. It does not show that at all.[/QUOTE]

Yes, I think it's unrealistic. Because of who HE is. HE is not the type of guy to call when he promises he will. Haven't you figured that out yet? How much more proof do you need than what has already happened? You are expecting him to do something that he clearly has no intention of doing or even caring about, so THAT is why it is unrealistic.

As I said before, the more you try to make him be something or someone that he's not, the more frustrated you will be. You should not be trying to change him. Either accept him for who and what he is or move on. Those are your only 2 options. But as everyone else has already posted, you should have let him go the first time this thing broke up because you've wasted however many years you've spent getting back together and breaking up constantly when you could have had a great relationship with a better suited guy by now!

This is a fact, when you are in your 30s, you will look back upon this moment in your life and ask yourself why were you so stupid to keep chasing after a guy that was totally wrong for you? You will kick yourself, you will have regrets and it will be something that will haunt you forever. I speak from experience. So just do yourself a favor and quit chasing this guy and just end it already!!
Aj this indecisive behaviour between the two of you has been going on for far longer than you have been calling yourself AJ here. I remember you from before.

Your behaviour is erratic, and not the norm. Infact I find it quite worrying that this guy is hanging around at all.

AJ what you want is NOT him, you are trying desperatly to get this guy to behave in the way you want. When he doesn't, you dump him, then you want him back again in the hope that the five minute dumping episode will make him change into the person you want him to be.

Thing is, you can't change him, he is him, and always will be him. Find someone whom will act the way you want him to act.

You are both mentally damaging each other.
apple_juice i dont' know if you noticed but everybody on this thread is basically repeating the same thing to you over and over like a broken record you want advice and we tell you that its better that you two break up because you both are playing these mind games and it gets frustrating that you keep repeating the same thing over and over not knowing what to do about him and that your confused. what ever happened with the guy you were dating somewhat before you boyfriend got back in the picture you need to go out and have fun and stop thinking about you ex boyfriend because thats what he obviously said that you guys are just friends :dizzy:
[QUOTE=bricely;3104065]apple_juice i dont' know if you noticed but everybody on this thread is basically repeating the same thing to you over and over like a broken record you want advice and we tell you that its better that you two break up because you both are playing these mind games and it gets frustrating that you keep repeating the same thing over and over not knowing what to do about him and that your confused. what ever happened with the guy you were dating somewhat before you boyfriend got back in the picture you need to go out and have fun and stop thinking about you ex boyfriend because thats what he obviously said that you guys are just friends :dizzy:[/QUOTE]

He said we were friends...but then suggested otherwise. His behaviour is very confusing. Thats why Id like to give him a chance to figure it all out. Whatever his decision, whether it be that we break up for good- i will accept it and respect it.This isnt really about winning him back anymore- this is more about finding out what we really want and what is for the best- whatever that may be.

I understand people think we should break up for good and i do appreciate the time people take to read and respond to my posts.
I am currently in the process of re evaluating the whole thing and i do take on board what people have to day.
But at the end of the day, it is my decision. And only when I am ready will i be able to move on.
Whilst I am in this confusing process, I'd still like support from those who care and have experience to share.





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