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StenoLady1 ..thank you for your imput...i guess I really did leave alot out, and there is obviously alot more to the story than I first posted. His sister really has nothing to do with her own wedding, because mom is doing it all, and I guess that is the way they like it. His sister got engaged early December and she had known that my fiance was going to be asking me soon. Here is a huge part of my frustration with his sister. For 7 months before we got engaged my fiance had been trying to make contact w/ his sisters fiance. Her fiance does not have a cell phone, so my fiancee had been having his mom continuously ask her fiance to call him. Well 7 moths came and went and he never once returned the call, but the message was given to him multiple times. The reason for the call was because my fiance knew that her fiance would probably be proposing to his sister very soon, and because his sister is very much a princess and likes the spotlight on herself, my fiance her brother wanted to avoid stealing her thunder by proposing around the same time. To me it was a very nice gesture to her to try and avoid any thunder stealing. I myself don't really care about that stuff. So when we got the call that they were engaged, my fiance was very upset, because of the lack of respect from her fiancee. "trust me guys it gets better"!!! So I gave her a call the next day to congradulate them and left a message that she never returned. A couple day later she called her brother (my fiancee) and asked when he was going to pop the question to me, she said she wanted to make sure that we don't plan our wedding with in the same year because it will take away from hers and if people know that they are both getting married close to each other that they may not attend her wedding. Well my fiancee made the mistake of telling me this and I was outraged!!! I did nothing though. The best part is almost every guest at her wedding lives in NY so there will be minimal travel reqired, but our wedding is 2 1/2 months after hers and "all" of our guests are from out of town, so we would actually be the ones to not have people come.

My fiancee asked his sister during this conversation if she knew why her fiiancee never called him, and she actually seemed to know all about it. I guess he just did'nt want to have to tell anyone his engagement plans, which is fine, but he could have let my fiancee know that.. Really my fiance was just trying to respect his sister because she is already mid 30's and never married, so he thought she should get the spot light first.

And when we found out about her wednesday rehearsal dinner, it was my fiance who said he would not go, but yes he did get minipulated. He was very firm in his dicission, but his mom and sister used there minipulative "guilt" to have him there. In my opinion, if you are not included in the wedding party (which is an issue that my fiancee and his brother are not, but different story), than being at the shower is not a must..I too am getting married and realize that there will be people in my family that can not attend my rehearsal, and that is fine. In the end my fiance is doing the right thing by going, but I certainly don't think it is his obligation.

Now for the religion quesstion. They have just made several ignorant comments over the years about my family's faith, purely because they don't know any better, but have never asked me about it. I am more than willing to explain our beliefs to anyone that asks me, but they hav'nt!!! We do talk about having a family alot and I guess that may be weird to some, but I happen to be with the most paternal guy in the world..He loves kids and can not wait to have them. We plan on taking that step about a year after our marriage. We certainly talk about how they will be raised and religion and stuff. I think it is very important for both of our families to understand how we want to raise our children, so there is no shock value when we decide not to do some of the traditional ceremonies that both of our religions hold after the baby is born. Our biggest issue with religion is all of the hypocracy around it. We will not live our lives as disshonest or bad people and then go to a church/temple/etc and repent. We live as good people and treat others as we would want to be treated and want our children to be this way too. We need to put it out there now so the families will not be upset when we don't do what the rest of the family has done and still do. My family is very liberal and ok with any decision we make, but his family tends to do what they consider "the right thing". My fiance has not been to church once since I have known him, except for the christening of his 2 neices by his brother. Other than that he has no interest in it. His family may go once or twice a year on Easter or X-mas, but it seems to be more out of obligation and trcition than for actual religious purposes.

I want to say to who ever may read this, that I have no problem with anybody's religious beliefs, I do though have a problem with people living disshonestly and thinking that it is ok to do so because they can repent whenever they want and continue to live the way they do. And I also want you to know that I do not think that my fiance's family are bad people, because they are wonderful to there family. I do love them, butjust want the communication to open up. I do not want to feel shunned for a reason I am unsure about. And I do on many occasions.

I hope this answers your question :)





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