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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


First-- you'll hurt her more to stay with her knowing that you don't want to than you will to end things. The longer she's with you the more emotionally invested she will become. Better to break it off one month in than one year.

Second-- Whether it sounds bad or not to say you're not attracted to her phsyically... if you're not, you're not. You can't force yourself to find someone attractive, just like you can't force emotions to be felt.

It's only been one month. Anyone who "falls in love" after one month is confusing love with lust. And it is very possible to be in love with the [I]idea[/I] of being in love, rather than actually loving a person. So maybe you are just trying to make something work b/c you really want it to. If that's the case, and you really don't feel any spark at all.. then it's best to just tell her so. Don't tell her that you're not physically attracted to her!! That would hurt her and it's just unnecessary. Just tell her what you said about not feeling the spark, that even though she's a great woman, you don't have romantic feelings for her. Yes.. it will suck, yes she will probably be hurt and upset. But.. it's much better than just pretending to like her, and to hope that eventually you will. That will just end much, much worse.

However... if you are attracted to her in all other ways and just not physically, if you do have even crush-like feelings.. then I think you need to give it longer than a month. I know from experience that physical attraction can grow on people. And maybe she needs someone to gently guide her in a healthier direction... someone who will take her hiking or biking. Are you embarrassed by her? Are you worried that people will think "what's he doing with that big girl?" If you are.. then get over it!! If she's a great woman, and everything you look for in personality, then maybe you're a bit too hung up on looks and what other people think. You dont want to miss out and what could be a wonderful relationship just because you were shallow, do you??

If you like everything about her, if you share common interests, ideals, morals, if she's everything you want with the expection of a few extra pounds, then ask yourself if you can get over that superficial side of yourself. If you can't.. then do her a favor and end it now, before feelings begin to run deeper.
OP; I agree that if there is no spark there is no point - end of story. Just dont mention weight, whatever you do! You'd only give the poor girl a complex she dosent need. It's tough enough to be dumped without being left with self image issues to deal with too.

[QUOTE=Bad Company;3084628]It happens man.

I dated a grl for close to 8 months that was great. I loved her personality, we got along great. Loved her company, even really liked her family. She was very pretty and in great shape.

I just wasnt attracted to her lol. I still dont know why exactly.

In the end I just got tired of makign excuses for why I didnt want to have sex with her that night. And when I did it was a turn off. If it isnt there it isnt there. Be upfront and let her move on. She'll live.[/QUOTE]

Now, Bad Company; I've highlighted your post because I am absolutly [I][B]fascinated[/B][/I] by it! Please try to explain, for the benefit of our female education, what was the turn off about your ex? I'm sorry for being nosy, but I'm just [I][B]dying[/B][/I] to know!





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