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Hello and thank you in advance for whomever reads this.

Im a 28yold man and am really bothered by these thoughts that ive been having over the past few weeks. My gf and i have only been together for a little over a month and im already having thoughts about breaking it off. When i first met her , we started chatting on ******* and we didnt stop for like 6 hours and we were really connecting and i was getting all excited about meeting her. Yes i saw a picture and even though im more attracted to thinner women , i thought she was beautiful. dont get me wrong she isnt terribly obese but i would say shes probably about 160-180lbs but i honestly dont know. gosh i feel horrible even writing this post but ive gotta get this out. I keep feeling like even though we get along fine and we never argue about anything that there should be a strong spark that im just not feeling. Ive ran over it in my head and i think that it could be that im really not that attracted to her. Does that sound bad? I know that she likes me alot and in the past couple days ive been thinking about ways to break it off and then ill start to think that if i can get past the weight issue than it can work. i guess im really tired of going in and out of relationships that i really want one to stick ya know. She really is a wonderful person with a big heart but weve only been together for a month and im already thinking about cutting loose because i just dont feel as strongly for her as she probably does for me. Sometimes i seem to respond to her affection half *** just so she doesnt suspect that feel this way. I really dont want to break her heart but i dont know what to do. Some are probably goint to think that im an ahole but im being honest here. Do i really want this to work so i dont hurt her? or do i just want a relationship to work in general because i feel like im getting older? Maybe its all in my head and no matter who i meet , whether im physically/emotionally attracted to them ill always try and find a way out. Let me just say this I do like her but i definitly dont love her, if i even know what the heck that is anymore. I just cant seem to shake the feeling that this just isnt going to work and i need to break it off sooner rather than later.

Matt
First-- you'll hurt her more to stay with her knowing that you don't want to than you will to end things. The longer she's with you the more emotionally invested she will become. Better to break it off one month in than one year.

Second-- Whether it sounds bad or not to say you're not attracted to her phsyically... if you're not, you're not. You can't force yourself to find someone attractive, just like you can't force emotions to be felt.

It's only been one month. Anyone who "falls in love" after one month is confusing love with lust. And it is very possible to be in love with the [I]idea[/I] of being in love, rather than actually loving a person. So maybe you are just trying to make something work b/c you really want it to. If that's the case, and you really don't feel any spark at all.. then it's best to just tell her so. Don't tell her that you're not physically attracted to her!! That would hurt her and it's just unnecessary. Just tell her what you said about not feeling the spark, that even though she's a great woman, you don't have romantic feelings for her. Yes.. it will suck, yes she will probably be hurt and upset. But.. it's much better than just pretending to like her, and to hope that eventually you will. That will just end much, much worse.

However... if you are attracted to her in all other ways and just not physically, if you do have even crush-like feelings.. then I think you need to give it longer than a month. I know from experience that physical attraction can grow on people. And maybe she needs someone to gently guide her in a healthier direction... someone who will take her hiking or biking. Are you embarrassed by her? Are you worried that people will think "what's he doing with that big girl?" If you are.. then get over it!! If she's a great woman, and everything you look for in personality, then maybe you're a bit too hung up on looks and what other people think. You dont want to miss out and what could be a wonderful relationship just because you were shallow, do you??

If you like everything about her, if you share common interests, ideals, morals, if she's everything you want with the expection of a few extra pounds, then ask yourself if you can get over that superficial side of yourself. If you can't.. then do her a favor and end it now, before feelings begin to run deeper.
She isn't the one. You are not doing her any favors by staying with her to spare her feelings. You can't help who you are attracted to and you should never settle in the hopes that you can overcome something.

Just be as honest as you can while sparing her feelings. She is a great person and you like her, but there is something missing. Maybe she will be upset and never speak to you again and maybe this will be a way to start a friendship with a great girl, who knows? But you have to be honest with yourself and your feelings. You're not a bad person, you're human.
Yep, this happens to the best of us, my man. I've found that people often tried to make me feel guilty when when I was dating a real nice girl that my family and friends liked, but that I wasn't attracted to. Somehow, this is seen as some kind of shallow male behavior. The truth of the matter is that the same people that say those things are guilty of it themselves! None of them could make themselves attracted to someone they are not...it isn't a question of character...only of tastes.

People are talking about not breaking this girls heart...I ask you to think of yourself instead. You know you don't want her in your life and I'm sure you would rather move on and date other girls, but you feel guilty about it...DON'T! Just accept that attraction isn't a choice and move on.





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