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I think everyone's experiences are different, so you can't really go by anyone else's experiences, but if it will make you feel better and if you can learn something from it....

I've only had one break up my whole life. Even though I was pretty cute in junior high and high school, boys were never really interested in me, dont' know why. By the time I got to college, I was pretty shut down. I kept my head down and minded my own business. By my mid 20s I had accepted that i would never know love, never date, never kiss anyone, it just wasnt' meant for me, and I was even almost ok with it. Then when I was 30 I met a man who was cute and sweet and was interested in me so I figured, what the heck, I was tired of being a freak, being 30 and still never even kissed anyone, so I went out with him. Anyway, long story short, I fell in love even though it was somewhat rocky, he dumped me 9 months after, then got back together two months later, then he dumped me again three weeks after that, then we got back together another two months later, and stayed together another year, then he broke up with me a third time and ended all contact. I didn't really try to contact him, I left a couple of long messages on his vm just to say everything I felt needed to be said, and that was it. i was certain there was someone else out there better suited for me and I'd find him in just a few months and everything would be fine. Well, the years passed by and hundreds of dollars, bad dates and 10 years later, I still never met anyone else.

What I learned from this break up, well, if you feel a man isn't treating you right, isn't treating you the way you feel you want and deserve to be treated, call him on it, and if he doesn't stop, dump him. You can't change them, you can't fix them, you can't save them, and you can't love them into loving you.

My experience was a bit different that some others. I feel like the negative lessons I learned is that I will never be the kind of woman a man can love. I've only had one shot at it and it was an unqualified disaster. I learned that it is a fact that some people really do only get one shot at love. Some people dont' really get any. I don't believe love is in the cards for everyone. I don't believe God intends for everyone to fall in love, to get married or live happily ever after with someone else. I don't believe it's in His plan for some of us. I actually feel really silly for having thought it could really happen to me. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't. I'm sorry I ever met my ex. The good times with him were some of the best I've ever had in my life, but it wasn't worth the pain of remembering the look of contempt on his face, the pain of knowing the one person I trusted and counted on more than anyone in the world was lying to me the whole time and just thought of me as time he was killing. I miss being who I was before I was taught that I don't deserve to be loved by anyone. Sometimes the hoping, the believing, is better than the actual having, and some dreams just don't grow back after they've been broken.

The positive things I learned, again, is that trying to make something work when you know in your gut it won't is a waste that just isn't worth it. Love yourself more than anyone else you will ever meet. Plan your own path and anyone who wants to come along is welcome to. And be prepared to wrap your mind around the possibility that real, deep abiding love that lasts a lifetime just may not be in God's plan for you. Take people as they come, enjoy the good they have to offer, don't let their negativity and evil poison your own life, because at the end of the day, you are all you really have to count on. Don't let anyone take you away from you.

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