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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


So this is my first post on here. I have a problem that I hope you all can help me figure out since I feel like I don't have anyone to turn to about this. My girlfriend and I are 20 years old and both go to the same college. We recently celebrated out 1.5 year anniversary and yesterday she was very emotional. She has her period in 5 days, so she may be pre menstrual but I'm not sure that's the issue at hand, but I just wanted to put it out there. She told me that she is confused about her feelings. She loves me very much but sometimes wonders if she is missing something by being with me. I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, but she is uncertain. We have always talked through any issues and I don't understand what the problem is now. I just wish I could convince her that I am the one for her, but she can be weird about anything involving thinking about the future. She doesn't want to miss out on anything, but I don't want her to throw away our amazing relationship based on just a possibility when what we have now is certain. How do I let her figure out what she should do without losing her. I really don't think I could take seeing her with another guy or taking a break from our relationship. I would do anything for her, and I already cook for her, show her love and compassion and would do anything for her. I want to convince her I am the perfect guy and there is no reason to need to look for anything else and lose what we have. Please give me some advice, I need help and don't know who to turn to.
The funny thing is her mom calls me her "favorite child" and my gf always says that her mom loves me very much, as well as the rest of her family. We have never had problems between her mom and I that I am aware of. I think she is just afraid of "losing" her oldest daughter.

I am studying mechanical engineering and she is studying animal and poultry science. After college she actually wants to look into a genetic counseling masters at a college very close to both of our homes, and I plan on getting a job locally to be with her hopefully.

She treats me very well in our relationship and I can't say anything bad about her really. I can get jealous sometimes when she is around other guys, but we have discussed the issue and i have gotten a lot better according to both of us.

I live in an apartment and she has a townhome for the next year. Last year she had a dorm room, but stayed everynight with me in my apartment, we lived together basically and she used her room during breaks in her schedule to relax. Her mom and dad are still together also.
How much longer do the two of you have left in college? When did all the confusion start? Has it just been recently or has it been going on for sometime. I will be honest with you the jealousy thing can do real damage to a relationship. Is it still a problem for you somewhat? I am not trying to be nosy.

If you two don't have much longer to go with school and you are bringing up being together the rest of your lives, maybe she feels like you are putting alot of pressure on her for an answer as soon as school is out. What time frame are you talking about you want to be married to her by when?
We are both going into our junior year of college this fall, so we have 2 years left of college. I think the first time she told me she was confused was maybe a month ago after her mom had a long talk with her and she wouldn't even tell me what it was about until the next day. Even then it was vague and she just said she was confused about her feelings and her future. As for the jealousy, I have gotten over it for the most part and have become very secure with her and my relationship status, but I will admit I had a relapse when she went to a wedding without me and pictures showed up online of her dancing with a drunken guy with his arm around her and his leg between her legs (basically grinding) and she neglected to tell me about it before I saw the pictures. I got over it in a couple hours though and apologized. It is just hard to see pictures of something like that happen to someone I love so deeply.

We have talked about, and agreed to waiting to think about get married until after college. Sometimes I wonder though if a long engagement would be alright and postpone the marriage until after college. I just love her so much and being with her makes me the happiest I have ever been. I could marry her anytime and be happy, but I do not want to ask too soon obviously and make things awkward or mess up the relationship. Several of our friends have gotten married as well which makes me think even more about it.

Thank you so much for talking through this with me also, I know it's late.
About the conversation, she really just told me she was confused about some things and at first she said it wasn't even about us and that we were fine, but it came out later that she feels torn between her mom and me. She has a hard time splitting up her time and thought that she had to choose one or the other to make happy. I told her it should not be a competition and to take as much time to herself/for her family that she needs, and things have been alot smoother since then. I don't want to pull her away from her family at all, because I honestly like them more than my own sometimes.

The pictures showed up on "facebook" and she was tagged in the picture by the girl who took the picture, so it notified my girlfriend of the picture, and I was with her when she checked her mail and saw the notification and then went to see the pictures.

As far as breathing space, we have had a bunch lately due to her taking organic chemistry from 10-5pm monday through thursday, so usually i will see her around 6:30 to 10:00 pm after school. The last year and a half we have gone to some parties and stuff, but I like going to parties hosted by friends/christmas parties, etc and have kind of gotten tired of the normal frat parties where everyone goes to get drunk and try to pick up girls. I will admit we have not done a lot in the last 6 months as far as parties go though, and I hope we can do more this next semester. I wouldn't mind going to apartment parties and stuff, and I just want to have a good time and make sure she is having a good time too. The thing is though, the one time she went to a local club dancing earlier in our relationship, she said she missed me and just wanted to come home anyway, and she never went back to the club again. I will dance with her and go to parties next semester as much as I can though with her, it's just hard given the immense work load of an engineering degree at Virginia Tech.





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