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[QUOTE=ht0626;3105950]Hey all, have something that is really bothering me and need to vent- help if you can! My guess is this will be long, but I will try to make it as painless as possible- to all that read it...Thanks much.. ;)

I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost two years now- he is darn near close to perfect in my eyes. Attractive, sweet, romantic and funny. I could not ask for better! I am very thankful for him and want to marry him, he makes me very happy- that is the good part.

Here's the bad part, for whatever reason I cannot seem to stop thinking or dreaming about my ex-boyfriend (here is some history) We met at a party and really hit it off. I thought he was the "one" right away. After a month that all went away when I discovered sexual photos of a much older woman on his computer (he was 22 at the time, the woman was at least 60!) (and I do not mean attractive she was like a grandma really!) Anyways, I confronted him to which he lied of course, until he realized there was no way out of it-
I asked if he talked to her and he said yes, and that he told her he liked the pictures EWWW! I was DISGUSTED and Humiliated. I left the next day and told him he had ruined everything. Despite my better judgment I decided to try again and we ended up being together for three years. Throughout that three years I went through more lies, no time with him, (he worked constantly-owned his own landscaping company) dealt with weird and rude (constant sex jokes men and women both) OLDER friends. 98% of his freinds were 40 or over- which I always wondered about-and most of all he always made me look like the bad person. He'd lie, and yet somehow I was the bad person. Noone ever knew the truth (only his side) which aggravated me to no end! Anyhow, I spent three years wanting to leave, but felt so bad about myself I literally felt like I could not live without him. I must say it was not all bad though, We had our special moments and he took me to places I would have never seen otherwise (vacations) which was very generous and kind. The whole time we were dating I fought with myself trying to figure out is he a good person or is he bad? Sometimes he would do the sweetest things and other times it was like he had no heart. We argued constantly and he always wanted me to stay and told me how much he loved me.. In the end, I finally got the courage to leave which was very hard- I still loved him very much but did not feel he loved me. He cried, and somehow at the time I did not.. As the months moved on I met my current boyfriend and yet to this day ( 2 years have passed! :() even with as happy as he makes me--I cannot leave the thought of this ex behind, I dream about him at least once a month, usually more, and I find that I wonder how he is doing. Let me also say this-- he lives fairly close (about 20 minutes) to me and friends of mine have told me about things going on at his house (shortly after i moved out) a minivan was over at the house constantly and come to find out he is now dating a woman with three kids! (not that that is bad, just very unusual for him as when he was with me he had no time and cared all about money and work and not much else.) Friends have seen her and said she is not too great compared to me which helps a little I guess-but not really! :confused: anyways, he is also home all the time now which is totally different because when we were together i did not see him until nine or later usaully because of work (and I know he was working- i helped send out the invoices and he was filthy when he came home) anyways, I guess for some reason it really kills me to know he is willing to do all that for her and was not willing to do it for me..:( Just really hurts me even to this day. I guess I just wish I could understand why.. what did i do so wrong? I just wish I could understand why I am having such a hard time letting go of that hurt even after so long and even now that I am in a good relationship and happy. Why is this still bothering me so much? I really wish noone had told me about the girl or the kids- It just hurt me to the core to feel like even after leaving I still was not good enough-- it's dumb I know, just wondered if anyone has ever felt this way too, or if thy have any advice on how I can just say pooh on it! LOL :) Thanks![/QUOTE]

HI! I am not even reading any further than your message and can I FEEL YOUR PAIN! YOu don't understand how much! The questions you ask are so much like mine. I broke it off with my ex of 19 years and split for 2 months now and he loves me and still talks to me and still well every now and then we have to get our "fix" if you know what I mean. However, why didn't he stay awake and entertain me instead of me entertaining myself on the computer when we was together ; he would sleep by 7:00 pm. I just can't understand why men do this? It totally is driving me insane. If he gave me the conisderation he does now, then I might not even be apart from him "now". Why do men do this, why do they only get the ambition when we are not together with someone????
I honestly feel they will sink further down the whole than us, I am hoping. It's still hard to move on, it really IS! I am crying to death now because I tried to enjoy myself at the bar and something happened that brought up "my ex" and I left in tears, it just hurt so bad!!!!!!!!!!!! I am bawling and i text messaged him and no response, why? Because he has some other biatch with him and he can't. He is on an adult exerscusion (party,naked etc) that he probably has his new girl with him. I was hoping he went single, but I am seeing I am blind. After 2 months of a break up you would think he would enjoy some single life in this and i don't see that happening. he has already introduced his son to this chic etc, but tells me not to worry he loves me and all this and that. What the f******************* i am sorry, but I do understand your pain and the what, why ?'sssssss. It sucks. I hear it gets easier and we women must grieve. I met a guy at the bar and he told me I am beautifull and I should not fall into a trap of the "1st" guy that comes along and I need to not fall into that trap. I can see myself with another guy but I just can't seem to get over the crying bull crap of a relationship and it's killing me. Just when I think everything is somewhat ok, it happens that I am bawling. I think my ex has a curse on me?????????

God help me please!!!! I am beginng cause this pain hurts worse than anyone can know and I have no one to talk to about it!!!!!!!!!!!! That really understands.:o

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