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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Losing weight is like quiting smoking or going to AA and stopping drinking. It's something you can only do when you're ready to do it, no one else can make you want to do it, and you have to do it for yourself.

I've been struggling with the whole weight issue myself for the last few years. I'm about as tall as your girl, 5 feet even, and weight almost 160 pounds. I have a mirror and eyes, and I knew I looked bad, I felt bad too, but my brother, who's a personal trainer (ha!) my friends, my parents, well, my mom, and everyone hounded me to lose weight, they told me all the things I already knew, it's bad for my health, I'm not getting any younger and it will be harder as I get older, I would be more attractive and my pick of dates would be wider if I were slimmer, etc. But none of these things made me want to lose weight. If anything, it only made me more depressed and more hopeless that I was awful, looked a mess, felt a mess, and just didn't have the ability to do anything about it, and worst of all, all the nagging from these people who were supposed to love me made me feel like I wasnt' worthy at all, like I didn't even deserve love or friendship until and unless I lost weight. Then one day I just got tired of not liking what I saw in the mirror, not liking how I felt or how my clothes fit, etc. and I stopped whining about it and did something about it. Got back to exercising and not dieting but eating much better. That was not quite a month ago and I'm down to 149 now, and I intend to keep at it, but again, it was only when it was MY choice to do it was when I had any kind of success at it.

Having other people hound me about it just made me feel like I wasn't worth anything, I wouldn't be worthy of love, friendship, companionship, happiness, until and unless I lost weight, and that only made getting started even harder. I think your girl has eyes and a mirror as well. She knows how she looks, and more importantly, she knows how she feels when she tries to get up and walk, run, dance, or any of the things she used to do. I'll agree, weighing almost 200 pounds for such a small girl is very dangerous, you have a right to worry about her health. Unfortunately, I just don't think there's much more you can do except be COVERTLY supportive by not taking her to eat out at places where it's easy to make poor food choices, like fast food or greasy fried chicken or burger places, etc. Avoid bringing home pizzas, ice cream, that kind of stuff. And give positive re-enforcement when she does make any kind of progress.

I commend you for staying by her side and wanting to work this out with her, and I do hope she can make the choice to get healthier soon. But when she does, remember, you are NOT her coach, her trainer, her father, you are her supportive boyfriend, and there is a huge difference, so do try to keep that in mind as well. Good luck.





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