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Relationship Health Message Board

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You said that you'd not been speaking for a day; I was also wondering if that has been resolved?[/QUOTE]

*I am not to quick at responding. I actually install modzilla firefox on the computer temporarly to post on here and than delete the browser so their are not any tracks. We use internet explorer. What I write in here is not exactly how I would want her to hear things. I worry that the way I say things on here might hurt her too bad.

Yeah, I kissed her on the neck by surprise the next day and that broke the ice. I believe it was you who hit the nail on the head. She feels that if she loses the weight that somehow she will be admitting to not being as attractive when she is overweight. Or like that she actually was not good enough for me while overweight.

She is a very very insecure girl. Take some home issues during childhood, mix it with some dad issues and two crappy boyfriends before me and this is what you get. Our first two years of our relationship was an insane emotional roller coaster. I am not sure exactly what happened but it was like sink or swim. One of us had to become more emotionally, mentally, and physically secure. I took that step and made it a huge step. 98% of the time I am secure and in control of my feelings. I could not stand for both of us to continue down the same path so I changed. I don't feel that she will be secure until she loses the weight.

She has lost some 10 to 12 pounds in the past 5 or so weeks. Though she still has another 60 or so to go. I am hoping she will soon get into exercising. She currently works two jobs (which is very hard). She is supposedly quitting the part time one and keeping the full time one in a few weeks. I currently work a Monday though Friday 7am to 3:30pm job. When she just has one job she will be on a similar schedule to me which will give her a lot more options to exercise.

It is the whole dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. I feel like if I don't keep trying to motivate her than she won't make the changes. After all I didn't say anything about her gaining the 50+ lbs and she never stepped in. Than if I feel like I am on her trying to motivate her than she is going to hold a grudge of waiting to feel 100% secure while overweight. Because she will never be 100% secure while overweight she will never lose the weight. If was overweight like her I WOULD NEVER FEEL SECURE period. I think she can wait forever for that.

She is just going to have to realize that love and physical attraction are two different things. I love her. We still have a healthy sexual life. We have sex 3 to 4 times a week. Sometimes more sometimes less. I am not disgusted to have sex with her because I love her. I am still actually attracted to her but I am not attracted to certain parts of her body. But when I see her pass by naked I can be unattracted. She has got the face of a beautiful model. If she lost the weight I would be 100% satisfied in the physical attraction department. I have NEVER EVER cheated on her. I don't even have a single female friend. I wouldn't ever cheat on her. I try to take this overweight issues a step at a time. In my mind if she can put in effort in and not give up than I will not give up on her. But when I feel that she has completely given up is when our relationship is in serious jeopardy.

Thanks all for the info because she DOES try to make me feel like a horrible person for being less attracted to her from the weight gain. It is nice to hear my feelings are normal and I am not some twisted freak of a fiance.

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