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[QUOTE=emma j;3116500]I totally agree with all of this. Why should a guy have to do all the chasing. Girls like to put in some effort to. I'm get well bored if i was just waiting for the guy to do all the work. As i said just think how many possible relationships never formed because a girl didn't chase either and it was interupted as not being interested..[/QUOTE]

As far as I can see, no one has said that the guy should do ALL the chasing. Of course if a man shows interest and the woman never reciprocates, the man would and should give up. One more's not about who's doing the chasing, it's not about playing games, it's not about cat and mouse or playing hard to get, it's about GETTING THE HINT.
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3125067] Your heart naturally goes out to him because he's the man you love, but as a more impartial third party, and as a woman, my heart does go out a bit to that girl, who I don't even know, but assume that she probably thought she had found a connection with a cute guy who was probably sweet and attentive to her all night, and she believed in the power of positive thinking and thought she could win the day by being proactive and taking the initiative, and probably spent some time crying over the call that never came. [/QUOTE]

Well, as a woman, I can put myself in her shoes too Larrylou'smom, having had similar feelings of rejection in my earlier years, and I actually do feel a sense of empathy for her, and would for any woman in that situation. As far as one night stands go though, I think we women are in different territory there and that we need to recognise that there are a different set of expectations contained within a situation like that. Unfortunately, in the type of world we now live in, there is no point expecting anything from a stranger, and I'm sorry, but a stranger having placed his penis in a woman’s vagina does not make him any less a stranger. That is a harsh and brutal reality that, as a female, I've had to face up to myself. It's been more than ten years since I've had a one night stand, for several reasons, but that would certainly number highly among them.

I think, as women, we need to face that fact that as noble as it is for a man to be honest, and as much right as we have to expect that from them, the reality is that a large proportion of them would prefer to be dishonest given the choice between that and having to squirm with discomfort. If we don’t recognise that then we are only fooling ourselves.

Also, I reckon there is such a thing as taking the power of positive thinking to extremes! I think if a woman initiates the phone number exchange, calls not one or twice but many times, (including a call to relate the train departure times after a man has already clearly vocally displayed disinterest in taking the train to see her at all!) then she is actually [I]vastly minimising[/I] the likelihood of his [I]wanting[/I] to call.

I think, as you said yourself, that there comes a point when a woman needs to "get the hint", and I'm sure that for myself, at the very [I]latest[/I], I'd have taken the hint at the point where he expressed his disinterest on travelling to see me; especially since travelling across this country is nothing like the experience of travelling across America or Australia; this is, on a global scale, a very tiny country, and he could have made that train journey in under two hours.

As for her probably being upset over his never having called; I wouldn’t like to think of any woman crying over his attitude to be honest, because he's not by nature a bad or cold or disrespectful man when it comes to women, and I really wouldn’t like any woman to think so. He is actually usually highly respectful of women, and that is one of the things I love about him; his only crime towards her was in not mustering up the balls to tell her he wasn’t interested, nor in the position to, commence a relationship, and to be honest, I truly do think in the circumstances that is something she should have been quickly able to figure out for herself.

Now I know I'm banging on and on and you're probably wondering why, so here's why; both this woman and her situation have a particular place in my mind, because she was one of the three women he cheated on me with during the first few months of our relationship, so maybe you'll think I am being judgemental of her actions on that basis, but I honestly believe I am not. As far as I know she knew nothing of me, so as far as I'm concerned (hurt though I still am at the memory of it) she isn’t deserving of any blame.

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3125067] ..I think it is true that most men do need a chance to miss you, to think about you, to wonder what you're up to, and he can't to that if you're up in his face all the time. [/QUOTE]

I couldn’t agree with this more; nor could I have put it better myself!

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3125067]It's sad that there are lots of really good guys hoping for a woman to show him a little sign, give him an in or something, waiting for her to make the first move, and stories like Innocence's is why women really can't. We just never know when making the first move, or the first two or three moves, will pay off, or end up making us "the dumb girl who doesn't get it." [/QUOTE]

Yes, that is a pity; if men only knew the BS they bring upon their own kind! lol I've no way of even imagining what was going through the mind of the man Innocent was dealing with. It just seems to alien to me, that a person could blow hot and cold like that. I think we women may be much more in tune with our own feelings; by that I mean that maybe we are sure that the first feeling is the genuine one and is not so subject to change. What's with someone who is all over you and then seemingly couldn’t care less? Who's to say? Maybe he's doing the age old 'playing hard to get' game? :rolleyes: If that's what he's up to, he seems very damn good at it.

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3125067]A friend of mine set me up with a guy back on superbowl Sunday, well it really wasn't a set up per se, we were both invited to her SB party, with the understanding that she was introducing us for the purpose of seeing of there was an attraction and if we'd be interested in dating. At first sight, he really wasn't my type at all, but I would have been glad to get to know him better, but he never called her to tell her he was interested at all, until 6 months later. He said he doesn't like to call girls because he's so afraid they'll say no. But she gave him my number, and that was about a month ago and he still hasn't called. If he called now, no matter how bad he may want to date me, or how into me he may be, I'd turn him down flat because the bottom line is he just isn't emotionally available enough to me. A man worth dating would have gotten my number from our mutual friend and he would have called me the day after the SB party. [/QUOTE]

SIX MONTHS LATER???:dizzy: What's he - some sort of loon??!! Fair play to you hon; you were right to forget about that one!;)

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