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Relationship Health Message Board


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Thanks :) He actually texted a couple of days ago to say he hopes i had a good evening and am now enjoying the sun etc etc. Whatever. He didn't ask to meet up..I've noticed he's also deleting some of that girl's messages on facebook (don't stalk him, of course)...they keep disappearing.

Anyway! Perhaps meeting a guy in a club and then immediately kissing/making out with him is not such a great idea. I have a feeling that he doesn't respect me, especially since I took it further and went to his house! I don't respect myself, anyway..it's not the kind of thing I would usually do. My friend is also having the same problem - she met a guy in a club and they talked a lot, then ended up kissing, he asked for my number, then called and asked to meet up..without giving a specific date...then called and texted again, acted keen..etc. and then she gave him a specific date for meeting up and he just vanished and never replied to that message! So it's exactly the same story. Argh, why do guys do this? Why do they act keen and then suddenly disappear?!
[QUOTE=innocence;3144357]
Anyway! Perhaps meeting a guy in a club and then immediately kissing/making out with him is not such a great idea. I have a feeling that he doesn't respect me, especially since I took it further and went to his house! I don't respect myself, anyway..it's not the kind of thing I would usually do. My friend is also having the same problem - she met a guy in a club and they talked a lot, then ended up kissing, he asked for my number, then called and asked to meet up..without giving a specific date...then called and texted again, acted keen..etc. and then she gave him a specific date for meeting up and he just vanished and never replied to that message! So it's exactly the same story. Argh, why do guys do this? Why do they act keen and then suddenly disappear?![/QUOTE]

Because men think nothing of lying. I don't know why men grow up thinking it's ok to lie to women like they do, but they just do. Even the greatest guys, I dated a guy who really was a very decent, kind, loving guy, he just was all hot and fiery over me one minute, and felt nothing the next, and rather than be honest with me, he lied and slithered away. I wish I knew why lying comes so easy to men, and why they think this is an ok way to treat women. I think maybe because we've just taken it for so long, and it's so much easier, like Phoebe on the show Friends said once "you know, how men do so many mean things and don't think anything of it at all." They don't care about what the lies do to us, they are only concerned with making their getaway with as little hassle and drama as possible. They just don't see us as humans, until they find that one woman they do actually fall in love with completely. They will give their whole world to her, but no one else.

I think Gypsyarcher uttered pure gold when she said it, it's that men and women have different goals in dating. Women date to find love. Men date to get sex. If they find someone they can more easily get sex from or who turns them on more, they will chase after her and forget all about you and the promises they made to you. That's just how men are hardwired. Men and women are different, we just are.

But I think you're on the right track. I think when you make out with a guy in a bar and/or go home with him right away, there's no reason for him to pursue it any further, because the chase is over, and he's gotten what he really wanted. If you don't give him the only thing he's after in the short term right away, he's forced to get to know you, and he'll hang in there to get to know you. How's he going to genuinely care for you if he never even gets the time to get to know you?

It's a running theme all over our pop culture. Ray Parker Jr.'s The Other Woman, Elvin Bishop's Fooled Around and Fell In Love, to movies and books and shows all with the same theme. Men hardly ever set out to fall in love like women do, it's not a goal of theirs. When they fall in love, it's completely by accident, like "woops!! darn, how did that happen?" From the time we are little children, us girls are socialized with fairy tales like Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, life = death and despair until the kiss of our one true love frees and saves us, and finding love and our prince charming is the highest, most honorable goal. Little boys are socialized quite differently. They grow up on Playboy and Hustler and they learn that sex is the goal, that love is something to be avoided at all costs, it's a trap to them.

It's rare when you can get a man to hang around long enough to fall in love with you when you give him all of what he came after you for up front.
[QUOTE=innocence;3144357]Anyway! Perhaps meeting a guy in a club and then immediately kissing/making out with him is not such a great idea. I have a feeling that he doesn't respect me, especially since I took it further and went to his house! I don't respect myself, anyway..it's not the kind of thing I would usually do. My friend is also having the same problem - she met a guy in a club and they talked a lot, then ended up kissing, he asked for my number, then called and asked to meet up..without giving a specific date...then called and texted again, acted keen..etc. and then she gave him a specific date for meeting up and he just vanished and never replied to that message! So it's exactly the same story. Argh, why do guys do this? Why do they act keen and then suddenly disappear?![/QUOTE]
why did they disappear?? gee, i dunno...why did the last 10 girls i made out with at the club not answer the phone when i called them 2 days after because i wanted to hang out and get to know them better?????? (not the next day remember..desperate!! :jester: )

for the BILLIONTH TIME, both genders do the same thing..you won't see it because you're not trying to date/meet other women.

there was once a time i didn't believe men flaked out on women on online dating sites but after reading these boards and others i've since changed my viewpoint. from a numbers perspective i can't see why its true but i guess it is so i can't doubt it anymore.

can we please make an agreement between genders on these boards to say, "why do PEOPLE do....." instead of crucifying one gender only???:rolleyes:





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