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This is about my girlfriend of about 4 months now.

We have had a rough relationship, mainly because of my past girlfriend experiences. I havent really had a "serious" relationship, mostly casual, or just a hookup-like relationship, and a few times i was even used and such. So my inexperience really makes it difficult sometimes knowing how to act since i was never involved in a serious relationship, but plenty of casual ones.

She gets mad at me because i sometimes dont know how to act, and i sometimes want to see my family without her. Her good side is just amazing, we always have a blast even if we're doing nothing, she is tolerant with the things i like, i am tolerant with the things she likes, she has my sense of humor, i feel extremely comfortable around her, her family loves me, my family loves her, and often times we just have such a great time that from 9am to about 11pm seems like it just flew by. Another great thing, i know she actually loves me, and i know, i am using that dreaded L word. I am poor, a college student, so i barely get any money, and when i work its just the money i need (food, gas, etc). She is not materialistic at all, which is great honestly, if i dont buy her things, she doesnt get mad, and doesnt even bring it up. Which is really rare among young girls these days.

On the other hand, she has some insecurity issues which drive me up a wall. She always used to accuse me of cheating, because i said i wanted to spend time with my family, which she finds ridiculous. I am from another culture (born in Poland), and i believe that my blood comes before anyone else, so i want to see them often. Sometimes i may make a joke (sometimes inappropriate , i admit, but often times its a harmless joke) and she will think about the dumb things that i have done in the past. I have fixed all of these dumb things i used to do, as i said, im only experienced with casual relationships. She will just sit and think about the dumb things, and it will all bottle up inside of her, and end up in a huge argument. We argue just about 6/7 days a week, and most of the time they are pretty bad arguments. I admit, i do the wrong most of the time, but she blows it WAY out of proportion and makes huge deals out of it.

She broke up with me once, and ended up begging for me back. I broke up with her once, i asked for her back and she said yes. Then she broke up with me 3 other times and then begged me to come back about 30 minutes later, if that. Which shows she has an anger problem. This anger problem is what also annoys me, she will just randomly go insane when she thinks about the past, start accusing me of things, calling me out in things, trying to insult me, and all of this. She also has this thing where if she is mad, she has to talk it out RIGHT then, for me, i think both people need cooldown time before things are talked out.

One other thing that bothers me like crazy, which i dont hold against her, but it still kills me. Currently, she has a lifestyle similar to mine, just laid back, friends, family, rare drinking. In the past, she used to be the kind of person who i cannot stand. Out partying all the time, drinking a ton, smoking marijuana, and of course way too much sex. She was raped twice, once by someone she knew, another time by a stranger. I asked her how many guys she has been with, first answer was "7 or 8", she didnt know, then the second answer was "7 or 8, but not counting the two unwilling ones", and then the final answer was "Maybe one or two more than the number i told you before". I cant hold that against her now, she is someone different now, but i never bring it up to her. Thats just disgusting. There are times when i refuse to get intimate with her when that is running through my mind, i have to wait until that escapes my mind.

So i am not really sure. She is great, and i know she loves me. But she has horrible anger problems, jumps to conclusions way too fast, and thinks way too deeply. But then again, we have such an amazing time its not even funny. If it werent for the anger issue, i would say she is the perfect one for me. Even her parents tell me how happy they are that i am hers, and how they really hope we stay together for a long time, and they are willing to come in and help heal our relationship if we want in some way.

What do i do?
[QUOTE=Lazer 77;3111947]One other thing that bothers me like crazy, which i dont hold against her, but it still kills me. Currently, she has a lifestyle similar to mine, just laid back, friends, family, rare drinking. In the past, she used to be the kind of person who i cannot stand. Out partying all the time, drinking a ton, smoking marijuana, and of course way too much sex. She was raped twice, once by someone she knew, another time by a stranger. I asked her how many guys she has been with, first answer was "7 or 8", she didnt know, then the second answer was "7 or 8, but not counting the two unwilling ones", and then the final answer was "Maybe one or two more than the number i told you before". I cant hold that against her now, she is someone different now, but i never bring it up to her. Thats just disgusting. There are times when i refuse to get intimate with her when that is running through my mind, i have to wait until that escapes my mind.

So i am not really sure. She is great, and i know she loves me. But she has horrible anger problems, jumps to conclusions way too fast, and thinks way too deeply. But then again, we have such an amazing time its not even funny. If it werent for the anger issue, i would say she is the perfect one for me. Even her parents tell me how happy they are that i am hers, and how they really hope we stay together for a long time, and they are willing to come in and help heal our relationship if we want in some way.

What do i do?[/QUOTE] One thing Lazer, I have read your other threads and the thing you ALWAYS say is that you don't hold your GF's past against her...BUT you always mention it at length. You glossed quickly over your own history and then describe her past faults in great detail. You must stop fooling yourself that you are overlooking these things. They are in the front of your thoughts in every dealing you have with her, to the point where it is stopping your sex life. That is not overlooking it. I am sure that you are not fooling her in the least and this is probably what is behind her "anger issues" (your label, but maybe not correct). I think that you are not going the right way about this relationship and in the long run you and she will make each other very unhappy..you are both insecure and have trust issues with each other, and from what you say, you at least do little to reassure her...joking about painful subjects, excluding her from family stuff, for a start. It sounds like she presses your buttons during arguments as well. I will say that you are both floundering and even though you say counselling is out of the question (in another thread) you two are obviously not managing to deal with your issues on your own. it is a pity, because you and she could have a really nice life if you can both work on things alone and together.





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