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Warning; this is a [I]very[/I] long post so donít bother reading unless youíve got time on your hands!

For those who havenít heard me mention her before; I have a friend in my life at the moment whom I met seventeen years ago, when we were both in our early teens and living in a hostel for homeless young girls. She was very good to me in times long past, but we both went our separate ways and began, separately, to abuse drugs; we both formed addictions, her to heroin and me to cocaine. The difference of substances affected the company we both kept and we were out of eachothers company for a long time. Weíd only occasionally run into eachother every few years, and she was always in a worse state than the last time, while I (lucky for me and thanks be to God) had managed to kick cocaine in í98.

About two and a half years ago I picked up a newspaper and read that her partner of fourteen years had been murdered infront of their kids. I went out to the house (I only knew where she was living then because it said so in the paper) but unsurprisingly sheíd fled the scene before I got there. About five months ago I read again in the papers that the inquest into her partners murder was being held, and I called the journalist who wrote the piece looking for contact details. He gave me the name of the police officer liaising with the family and I found her from there. Now comes the difficult bit:

Although I have an old time affection for her I have found her company a struggle from day one as it has affected my life in various negative ways. It caused problems in my relationship as my partner strongly objected to me associating with a drug abuser. She is not on heroin anymore, her addiction is supposedly being managed by the methadone she is supplied from the state, but Iíve since discovered she takes that medicine twice a week on the two days itís given to her, in other words she takes a weeks supply in the course of two days. She is prescribed seven hundred millilitres of methadone to do her the week, and for anyone lucky enough not to know anything about the potency of methadone, the amount of it she is consuming between those two days is truly shocking, and would probably be enough to kill all the regular readers of this forum if shared among them. Her tolerance, in other words, has reached alarming proportions, and the fact that she is abusing the medicine which is prescribed to manage her withdrawals clearly indicates that the junkie mentality is alive and well in her.

All of her four children are in state care, her partner is dead, and yet she could still turn around to me a couple of weeks ago and say; ďI canít help it, I love drugsĒ. I said to her; ďIf you canít see that drugs have cost you everything you ever had worth holding onto I donít know what to say to youĒ.

It has now got to the stage where her drug abusing is beginning to negatively impact on my life more severely, and Iím not stupid enough not to see that this is of course my own fault as I have allowed it. Iím going through the mill with my partner right now and she had the nerve and the stupidity to try to interfere and put her two cents in regarding whatís going on between us when she accosted him in his place of work recently:mad: , she was out of her head on drugs at the time, needless to say. She did a hell of a lot more harm than good as I know my bfís attitude towards me being associated with her in the first place, but this morning, now this morning really was the END OF THE LINE!!!!!!

I [I]KNOW[/I] this was my fault and I never should have tried to help her, but this is what happened anyway: She called me this morning, woke me out of my sleep actually, in a hysterical state because her new bf (also a methadone addict, surprise surprise:rolleyes: ) was in bits going through methadone withdrawal. He needed to get to the clinic to get his methadone, and as it was about to close there was no way heíd have gotten there on time via public transport. I donít know if anyone here has ever seen anyone in the condition methadone withdrawal leaves you, but it is not pretty and I honestly wouldnít suffer a dog to go through it. She was begging and pleading with me to bring him to the clinic and against my better judgement I went to pick them up.

He hadnít had his methadone in two days and was starting to shake and sweat when I got there, so, with only about twenty minutes to go and a half hour journey to make, I was driving faster than I should have been. She was moaning in the back of the car about how we were never going to make it and her bf was sitting beside me turning into that girl from the exorcist and I was driving too fast as I said. The driver in front drove a good way over the line on an amber light, I was sure he was going to go for it, then he braked suddenly and so did I, but Iíd been going too fast and I slammed into the back of him. Thank God he was a decent bloke and didnít try to let on he was injured for the sake of a bogus claim (which is very common here). There was no damage to his car, but plenty to mine. Heíd had a big protruding tow bar which took the impact and that was what saved the back of his car, but it totally trashed the front of mine. My lovely silver bonnet is in bits, will need a panel beating and a paint job, and my radiator is also trashed and leaking. But things could have been worse, the other driver just drove off and let it go; I thanked him profusely, it was such a relief, but the bottom line is this:

My association with this girl and the way I have been allowing her problems to become my own have been having a very negative impact on my life and itís got to stop. I feel Iíve done a lot to help her. Iíve introduced her to Narcotics Anonymous and sat with her through several meetings (most of which sheís been stoned out of her head by the way, which is considered disgraceful behaviour at an NA meeting) Iíve brought her to college, sheís done a taster course and is beginning full time in September. I couldnít count the times Iíve dropped her down food or cigarettes because sheís broke, though Iím not exactly rolling in the dough myself right now (and now Iíve got car repairs to worry about:mad: ) I have ignored my bfís protestations to cut her out of my life and damaged my relationship as a result, out of a sense of loyalty because she was good to me a long time ago and I had and am still having trouble putting that to one side. She put me up when I was homeless at fifteen and I know itís been seventeen years since then but it happened and it [I]still matters[/I]. Oh Iím getting upset nowÖ:(

Anyway (Iíll be wrapping it up soon people! lol) the most final of final straws was on the way back from the clinic; I'd dropped her bf at her home because he was badly in need of a sleep and she wanted to come out to mine for a coffee, or so she said. On the way to my house she mentioned that she was hungry and asked me had I anything in I could cook for lunch. I said that I hadnít done my shopping yet and she promptly decided to go home instead and asked me to drop her home even though we were nearer my home at that stage! I said no; I told her I couldnít do any unnecessary driving with the car in the condition it was in (as with the radiator trashed and the fan belt not spinning the car was overheating rapidly as a result) and I stopped the car at the next bus stop I saw and told her to get the bus home.

Firstly I have to say I am embarrassed about the ridiculous length of this post. Sincere thanks to anybody who has taken the time and effort to read it. Now, what is the right thing to do here?? Am I right in feeling I have done my best here and itís time to sever this friendship??? Thatíd be hard to do and cause me a lot of guilt because I know itíd hurt her deeply, but I canít have her negatively influencing my life like this anymore. She even had the nerve to turn up unannounced at my door recently, which really freaks me out because I donít want my son meeting her in the state sheís in. Thankfully the house was empty at the time.

Iím mortified about the length of my rantings here, please forgive me, but I have enough stressors in my life right now without this girls drug abusing nonsense; please help!!! I need for people to tell me whether or not they reckon itís got to the stage where I should cut her out of my life???





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