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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

YES be suspicious. I am gay. A lot of gay men are sneaky confused sex addicts and they can easily be turned on sexually by both a man or woman. It happens. I KNEW a "gay man" that slept around with women and even had a female fiance because he just couldn't deside. So he would go back forth from being pure gay to being straight.
But be cautious.

How you handle it is you tell her that you think it is very inconsiderate of her to sleep with another man in the same BED even if he is gay and that you respect her friendship with the gay guy and you appreciate her company AND you want the "sleeping around" with her friend to stop now.

I'd also check in with her and see if she can offer any feedback regarding on how she thinks the relationship is functioning between the two of you.

Your GF might be testing you to see if you get possessive which is probably what she wants. Women are equally as manipulative and sneaky as some gay men. Immature or unskilled people don't out right say what they are feeling, thinking, or needing. So she might be creating this scenario so that she feels loved and cared for by someone. Either way she wins because she is getting attention from both men, unless you assert yourself and put a stop to this childish nonsense and claim her to be yours.

The other thought I had was that she is having second thoughts about being your fiance and does not know how to process those feelings or thoughts. Therefore is enacting this through immature actions instead of opening an honest discussion with you.

I have a degree in mental health with a focus in counseling. Thanks for reading. I hope this helps.

[QUOTE=BlueEasy;3115484]Is it justifable to be uncomfortable with your fiance sleeping in the same bed with another man, even if the man is gay?

She and this guy have been friends for years, and recently she has begun to periodically stay at his house for a few days (they had lost contact with each other for a while and have recently started hanging out again, so I assume they're trying to make up for lost time). It wasn't until recently that she mentioned they always sleep in the same bed when she stays there.

I know I can be paranoid, and jealous (something I work on and she is understanding with) and OBVIOUSLY I'm not worried that anything would "happen" during these sleepovers, but that fact that she is sharing a twin sized bed with another man (regardless of sexual orientation) bothers me, if only for sentimental-esque reasons. And then there's the paranoid part of me wondering, that since they're such close friends, and he's gay, does she feel its okay to cuddle while they sleep? get undressed/change in front of him? even sleep naked like she does with me? Again, yeah, nothing would happen, but its an intimacy that is for a couple alone, and in my eyes, inappropriate to be shared with any one else.

Is there any justification to my issue with this? Would anyone else have the same feelings? If so, how do I address it? I certainly don't want to ruin her friendship (or our relationship) in anyway. :([/QUOTE]

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