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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


She is his mom and loves his SO much that in itself should make you smile. That bond that she has with him will never go away and has embedded in his brain what a "mother" for HIS children should be. And guess what sweetie, that girl right now is you:angel: . He chose to be with you and loves you and moved in with you. WOW I would be honored that a man that was that close with his mama chose me to be his girl. BUT i have hind sight and can say that. I dont look like my husbands mama BUT i sure am like her and we get along greatly. My exhusband's mom and I also get along very well to and he was a mama's boy let me tell ya. She didnt come over when not asked but he was on that apron string and wanted me to be like her exactly her. I learned that I couldnt be like her but I had my own style and had to let that come out. That didnt happen until i left him tho. LOL

I do think you should invite her over or ask to go over to her place without him.

You did say that feel guilty when you dont go over there.. You are a big girl, you can tell them that you have other plans. or that you want to see your family. Please dont think they will hold a drudge because you want to have a relationship with your family. BUT if you lie and say you are going over your families house so you dont have to go over theirs well that isnt right. You can tell her that you just want to hang out at your place or do something else. or you already have plans, you dont have to say what you are doing. but remember that your boyfriend might tell her what you are doing if he does then that is a problem. She had it right when she was upset that you shouldnt move in together when he was 22 any mother would say that maybe not as hysterical as she did but I would have done the same. I dont think anyone should be that fast. You were together 2 years and then chose to move in , i think that is fine but remember that mother son bond is strong(i have 4 kids two of which are boys) and you want htem to be close. She will eventually let up a bit and ease into not doing the same things like coming over.

But you or your bf could have said no thank you we are undressed and going to watch a movie. That was a huge no no on your part and his. If he said oh yeah come over or didnt say NOt to then that was wrong as well. You are adults and you need to open your mouths. A no thank you or yes please do come over i think that would be great is all you need to say.

The problem with most men isnt really their mothers. The fact that their mother doesnt want to let go is perfectly normal. I know it would take time for me. :)

the problem is the men do not know how to get beyond telling mom that tonight isnt a good night. Mom wont break or die if they are told no. I know I would be angry :) but i would get over it. And yes mothers when they feel that they are loosing their sons will get nasty. Please try to explain to your mom that she is not loosing a son but gaining a girl and that you will try to be the best you can be for him. Maybe ask her for some recipes so you can make him things that is always nice. I love when my mother in law shows me how to cook dishes i havent made before. I even get on the phone with my 1st MIL and get her old recipes as well. She and i talk all the time, use to be every day in fact but i have many kids now so not so much maybe 3 times a week. LOL

My in laws come over every weekend. either sat or sun to see us and the kids. They have always come over even when I wasnt with him to see their son . I love it. My kids get to see their grandparents and you never know one day they might not be tehre. so I feel do it now because one day might be too late.

not saying you have to listen to me i'm 33 with 4 kids and two great sets of in laws. Yes they do some things that we had to discuss with them but we DID discuss with them and it was over with. so speak up the two of you and deal with it. in time she will let up but you need to be gentle and he needs to stop acting like he is a mama's boy. remember it is hard for a man as well. Personally i wouldnt let any woman move in with a man until he was living on his own for a while.

The reason I say that is because he was at home having mom do stuff forhim if he moves in with a girl he assumes she takes over the mom role. So no no for my boys that wont happen. I will tell them striaght out that they can live on their own before living with any woman. So they learn how to be in a house or apt and be a man without anyone doing for them. So they learn to do the things they shoudl without a woman there and then once they can do that they can move in with a fiance. NOT a girlfriend. I beleive that if you are going to get married then yes move in together but if you are bf and gf there is no need and if you are going to get married then ask the girl to marry you and then move in. I dont belive in this oh lets play house and then she'll dump him or vise versa. That never ends well.

good luck dear





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