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Relationship Health Message Board

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:jester: Hi I have never been ina long term relationship or a marriage BUT I think I know what might be going on and I would just distance myself physically from him for a while until his stressful circumstances go away. Whenever he is nice and sweet give him a reward :jester: :jester: :jester: :jester: Later on when he is calm and at peace then you can discuss some stress management plans and even talk to him about reading a self help book or self help audioCD, or mention about going into some brief counseling or in wiht a counselor you like at your church. Brief counseling is actually really cool because sometimes the sesssions are only like 25 minutes and cost much less. We also know that most guys do NOT voluntarily go into counseling.

Other options that some therapists will bring up is to go on a few dates every now and then and reward yourselves after working hard with a good time at the beach or pool, or go out to your favorite hang outs.

[QUOTE=yellow rose;3130077]I'm just after some advice from other people about my situation. I've been married for 10 years, and my husband is in the defence forces, and away from home for the majority of time. We have two boys (9 and 4), and I also work full time. My problem is with my husband - he stresses about being away from home so much, and this makes him really angry all the time. He rings me up and abuses me, and even swears and me and calls me names. When I ask him not to swear at me, he goes off even more, telling me I am stupid for just focusing on one word, and that its just a word. Its a bit hard not to focus on the word when I am constantly being sworn at.
When he does come home, the first thing he does is go through the house and pick out things he thinks I haven't done properly, or things that aren't cleaned to his standard. With working full time, plus pretty much being the sole caregiver of our kids, I am exhausted. All the extra stress of constantly being on the go is really getting to me. If I tell him I am tired, I get abused and told I am only tired because I don't exercise enough, I wonder where he thinks I can fit that time in!!
Don't get me wrong - he does have great qualities too, and I do love him. I know that sounds silly - but he can also be loving and gentle, and is really supportive. I try to be understanding, because I know he is under stress at being away, but he is just creating extra stress for me at the moment.
I just don't know how to get it through to him that abusing me when he is stressed, only makes the situation worse. I have tried talking to him, but he doesn't want to listen -he thinks as his wife, I should be available for him to vent to.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation, and what did they do? Thanks...[/QUOTE]

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