It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Oh, I do NOT like the sound of this one bit. I'll deal with the shyness issue in a bit, but first, let me say SHAME on your weak-willed boyfriend for letting his friends tell him who he can and can't bring on vacation with him. They don't sound like very nice people at all, but more importantly, your boyfriend doesn't sound like he's got your back at all.

I knew a guy once who dated a girl for about a year, and even though he claimed to love her, thought the world of her, he cheated on her every single weekend with a new bar bimbo, lied to her all the time, played with her head, he'd have other women calling him and told her he didn't want her answering his phone because "you're rude to people when you're in a bad mood, I've heard you, so don't pick up my phone." and this girl didn't have a rude bone in her body. She was sweet, mature, smart, had her head on straight, her only problem was trusting this guy. Anyway, his friends made fun of her and talked her down behind her back all the time. One of his friends wanted to go to Vegas and he said "well, I don't know, Cindy wouldn't like it" and the friend said "F--- Cindy!" Well, this guy and this girl broke up and he immediately started dating another woman, I'll call her Tammy. Tammy was not only gorgeous and cool, down to earth and friendly, smart and savvy, but she didn't let anyone mess with her, and she didn't waste tears on any man who didn't treat her right. So you'd better believe this guy kissed her fanny like he had never done for Cindy, and guess what? so did his friends. That guy would NEVER have dreamed of saying "F--- Tammy!" because he knew that if he did, he'd be the one out on the sidewalk, not Tammy.

My point is, a man's friends tend to take cues on how to treat the woman in their buddies' lives from the buddy himself. It really disturbs me that your boyfriend is allowing his friends to talk bad about you and especially to determine that you can't go with them on vacation. That stinks to high heaven.

I'm not sure any of these people are worth your trouble, but if you feel you're not ready to give up on your boyfriend, it's time to be bold. Next time you are around his friends, listen for openings to join in their conversation. It could be they have already decided they just don't like you and they won't allow you to join in and they will ignore everything you say, won't laugh at your jokes, will turn their backs on you and talk amongst each other, etc. all the things people do to you to freeze you out. If this happens, I hate to say it, but you may need to keep on searching for a situation that is more amenable and comfortable. If a guy's family and friends are all against you, and he's listening to them and even agreeing with them, that just doesn't bode well for the relationship, sorry.

Oh, also, if you want to be bold and give it one last ditch effort, summon up all your courage and call his mom and ask her out to lunch, your treat, and just be totally honest with her. Tell her he told you what she said, that she feels you're hiding something, and just tell her you're shy, but she's free to ask you anything and you will be glad to answer honestly, and be as warm, considerate and friendly as you can possibly manage.

I know it's tough. I hope I've given you some kind of good advice to work with. I've found myself in this kind of situation on more that one occasion. People just don't take to me, they don't seem to want to listen to much of anything I have to say, they never think my jokes are funny, I'm a great one they come to for favors, but it's always "hey great, LLM, thanks for taking care of that for me, have a great night alone while I now skip off and have fun with cool people I actually like to be around!!" It almost seems like stink on a skunk, and I have no idea why something that comes out of my mouth is mud when the exact same words are gold coming out of someone else's mouth, but some people just have that unseen, unknown stigma stuck to them, I don't know why. i wish I had better advice on how to successfully shake it for good, but all you can do is keep on keeping on, feel strong, confident, do your utmost to NOT make things about YOU when they are not, and don't DEMAND respect by whining or asking or complaining, COMMAND it by your actions, by confidence, competance, warmth, fairness, and giving, and not taking any junk from anyone. Best of luck to you.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:13 PM.

© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!