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Thanks for the advice. I know it is alot to think about and to work on. This post will be a bit long, but I will try and say what I feel is needed. I actually am very successful and ambitious in many other aspects of my life, and have accomplished many great things at an early age. But the relationship thing is the one thing that has never worked out for me. In short, I have only dated a few people, had infatuations (going both ways, never equal though) many times over, and alot of frustration. My longest relationship lasted a couple of months, the others, less than a month. So nothing, really, that one could consider long-term in any way, except for the amount of drama I infuse - I have had friends tell me that I have put as much emotion and feeling on the line from a short infatuation as they have from relationships of years. I only started dating a few years ago, for many reasons which will take too long to detail, suffice to say, I never believed in myself that I could do it and that noone would ever take an interest in me (I used to be quite overweight and had a major lack of direction in my life, and had real hard time of it until I got to Uni - this is no longer the case but some of the feelings remain). So that experience kind of 'sparked' something in me that it was possible.

So after that I went on a 'quest' of sorts, to 'find the one'. I was pretty naive. But as I discovered more and more, that yes, women do find me attractive, I began to try very hard. Maybe much too hard, I searched every medium out there. What this amounted to was alot of drama with online dating, met some really cool people and really got into it for a while, girls I met abroad, at dances, etc. But it didnt really amount to anything other than a few coffee and movie dates and so forth.

I think many factors come into play with this all. For much of my life, I was relatively shy, inward, one of the fat kids made fun of in school with no friends, etc. This all started to change when I got into Uni. I made a major turn-around, lost a ton of weight, revamped my 'look', worked a couple of very sociable jobs and went off to see a good chunk of the world; net result, I became very confident, successful, and changed, in a short span of time. I found I started to attract many attractive women, on a very basic and superficial level, but nothing happened. I think, when I ponder, there are three main issues I have: 1) Because of how well things have gone, how good I feel and look, and so forth, I have made exceedingly high demands for myself and what I am doing with my life, and thus, also feel so in relation to any potential girlfriend. For example, I really want someone who can talk deeply and take a real and vital interest in the world, in cultures and history.2) A weird paradox exists, where I still feel on occasion as I did before, regardless of how I look, and I am a bit of a loner, and am quite introspective. I mean to a normal or above-normal level, in that I am the type of person who is very laid-back and who enjoys spending time by myself, maybe more so than others. I am the type of person who would rather go travel somewhere or take long walks etc by myself, listening to my music, and just reflecting on things. So I tend to really value my 'alone' time, and I feel I am unable to convey this properly to potential dates; I don't want to isolate them or ignore them, I just enjoy this side of myself much more than others. 3) I don't 'believe' attractive women would find me attractive in the same way I them, so maybe that is one reason I become 'in love' so soon, the thrill of it all, and pursue them in the incorrect fashion, then obsess how it will never happen. Very foolish, but thats the way Ive turned out. But I've made physical attraction a major thing for me. I guess I am very meticolous in how I look and present myself, and therefore am really interested in beautiful women, who take the same degree of care. I couldn't date someone who dosent work on or value physical activity, for instance, because I feel it is such an important part of who I am and my life.

And, I guess one more thing on the 'ideal' woman. Of course, no one is perfect, and never will be. And it is about being compatible. But I tend to attract, for whatever reason, a very specific subset of girls: the young (19-22ish), petty, insecure pretty girls (princesses, you could say?), and if they see interest in me, I completely misread how to act around them, or I attract, still young, but very clingy girls, who want to form an intimate emotional bond from day 1, which scares me off right away. But I guess I probably do a remnant of this myself! So this one girl, this 'ghost', was not perfect, but, she was a bit older and more mature. That, and she fit what I feel I am 'looking for': I am an Eastern European myself, as was she. And I prefer to date only girls from this area or with strong roots there. She was also classy, well dressed, educated, with the physical features that I love (eg dark hair, tall) That and she was interested in me! So these kind of girls aren't a dime a dozen. I could see myself engage in a long-term committment with someone like this, but not with the petty princesses. I am too cynical or annoyed with them for that. So I haven't met anyone quite like her before or since, so it frustrates me and I hope to one day do so. I can hold out as long as necessary, if I know it can happen. So, I need to somehow deal with this all, its alot to deal with and I hope I can. Thanks again for listening!





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