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I'm still 19 (will be 20 in Jan) and my boyfriend is about to be 21 in one week. He's is and has been making SUCH a big deal out of this event since around february when he decided to plan a trip to Las Vegas to celebrate. Whenever we're with friends he always talks about how awesome his trip is going to be and how he's going to be hitting up the clubs, the bars and also playign tons of poker while there. Then, he says once he gets back he will be going out to bars with his friends (lots of female friends...i totally trust him, but it's still kinda wierd to think my bf is hanging out with some girls at a bar! lol) and playing pool in bars and all this other stuff that I clearly can't be a part of cuz i'm underage.

I know he's really excited about the Vegas trip, cuz it's his first vacation in a while, but I just wish he would have at least invited me or something. Although, we've talked about it and I definitely understand that having me there would be a downer. Since I would not be able to do any of the things he wants to do with him (i'm underage!). I'm happy for him that he's gonna be doing something fun for himself and that he no longer feels restricted or whatever, but i just feel like he's rubbing all this in my face (and everyone elses face) sometimes.

I just feel so left out. And I tell him that. I'm scared (and I've let him know this too) that once he turns 21 he's not going to want to spend the weekends hanging out with me, cuz it's definitely not as fun as going to a bar or club with his buddies. To add to it, right now I'm home for the summer, but during the school year I live an hour away from him. So, the way I see it is most likely he'll choose not to make the hour drive to spend time with me and instead hang out with his older friends.

Ugh, I know it's really not true and I feel somewhat irrational saying and thinking all this. He's really a great guy and I've been with him for a year now and I know he cares and he's always been more than willing to drive the hour and spend time with me. He does a lot to calm me down and tells me all of these thoughts are all in my head and that none of this will happen..

I still dong' know though...I just feel so angry and left out and with this giant pit in my stomach whenever the subject gets on him being 21 and everything. He's just making WAY to big of a deal out of the whole birthday I think. What do you think? Am I being lame and selfish right now or do I have the right to think this way?
Coming from a guys prespective it seriously seems like you're extremely jealous. You think your boyfriend is going to turn 21 and leave you behind. You feel like he is going to meet all these girls in clubs, and bars, and in Vegas, and it's eating you up. Just let it go, don't worry about it, let him have his fun, it's not all it's cracked up to be.......if he doesn't hang out with you as much and stops talking to you as much, spends less time with you/etc, then guess what? He's not the guy for you. But seriously, don't rain on his parade, turning 21 is a big deal in everyones life. Don't text him all day long when he is gone and blow up his phone, that's just going to irritate him. Just play it as cool as you can and remain calm and collective.
[QUOTE=tarheel247;3138998]BUT its still not right for him to plan this big party without you. Selfish indeed. He can't be that much in love with you to exclude you from this big shindig. Its obvious he loves himself more. As Sera said...Dump him! :)[/QUOTE]

I agree! I had a boyfriend who turned 21 when I was still 20. He wanted to go to the bars and all that stuff with his friends but he felt bad for me not being able to be a part of his birthday. Instead he had a party and invited everyone to come there. He felt all big and mighty because he was able to buy the alcohol himself and I was still there. After that he did go to the bars once a week or so, but it really wasn't that big a deal to him.

Obviously there isn't much you can do about the trip to Vegas. He'll probably come back broke and hung over anyway. If he decides after his trip that you are no longer "fun" to be around because he's such a big man now that's his problem. There are plenty of decent men out there who don't blow off their girlfriends or their feelings for these reasons. Let him have his fun in Vegas without protest. The real test is when he gets back.
Unless your boyfriend has a lot of $$$$ then I wouldn't really worry about the Vegas trip toooo much. But i'm like you and i'd be hurt too.. but theres a lot of things you both don't realize cause of your age and I know this seems like a really big deal to you. Vegas is a lot of fun!!! Buuuuut....don't expect him to be getting into the big clubs..Rain, Tao, Tangerine, Ghost Bar, Jet- none of them. Only with a ton of $$ or if you know someone personally to get on the guest list. Trust me! I'm a very attractive female and I couldn't even get in those clubs unless I wanted to wait half the night in line to get in and have the $$. No joke, half the night. So thats not fun.

I know it hurts that he is excluding you from his big day. Just know that when you turn 21 you're going to be having as much fun, if not more fun. Girls always have more fun.

Turning 21 isn't that big of a deal. Well it wasnt to me. Maybe its because I was already partying way before I was 21- But none the less going out to bars and clubs isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's boring. You can do that in the privacy of your own home and have even more fun with your friends.

Don't rush to grow up hun, enjoy your youth!!! don't wish you were 21 like him cause your time will come up soon enough.

Don't feel down or left out. While hes away plan something fun for you and your girlfriends to do to take your mind off of him. Go shopping, watch movies, paint your toes- just keep busy doing stuff you enjoy.

Going out and drinking, getting wasted- It gets old fast. Don't worry too much =)
[QUOTE=Nicole27;3139557]Turning 21 isn't that big of a deal. [/QUOTE]

I completely agree. It's not as big of a deal as he is making it out to be. Going out to bars all the time is not that big of a deal. It gets very expensive and it's not as great as he thinks it is. I'm sure he'll find that out pretty soon.

And I also agree with the others that he's being a jerk for not including you in his birthday plans. Just because he is turning 21 doesn't mean he has to exclude you. What kind of a jerk does that? Does he even care about you at all? It doesn't seem like it. If my boyfriend was celebrating a birthday, then I would be really upset if he didn't invite me. Regardless of my age, he should want to spend a special occaision like a birthday with me, his girlfriend. I mean seriously, duh! What's his problem??
[QUOTE=Kszan;3139861] Just because he is turning 21 doesn't mean he has to exclude you. What kind of a jerk does that? Does he even care about you at all? It doesn't seem like it. If my boyfriend was celebrating a birthday, then I would be really upset if he didn't invite me. Regardless of my age, he should want to spend a special occaision like a birthday with me, his girlfriend. I mean seriously, duh! What's his problem??[/QUOTE]

That is something else I wanted to include, but I didn't have time. I totally agree with Kszan.
If my boyfriend didn't bring me with him wherever he went for his bday I would feel like I was one of those "why bring sand to the beach" type relationships.

And FYI if he really wanted to bring you to Vegas he could. hello it's called a fake id aka an older friends id...and the only time you would for sure get id'd is at the nightclubs. The casinos won't card you if you're not gambling, or you're not standing right next to him while hes playing black jack or anything. I'm sorry i'm not trying to tell u to do anything illegal, but hey we do things for love that we wouldn't for anything else..
Thank you everyone for your replies and thoughts. I really appreciated it and I'm actually somewhat started/surprised by what people have had to say so far...

"dump him" seems to be an overwhelmingly popular answer. I don't think i could do that, I really do love him and aside from this Vegas thing he's truly a very wonderful boyfriend. We've just had our one-year anniversary, so that was a big deal for both of us.

Also, people seem be thinking he's a big jerk and didn't include me in his birthday plans at all. Well, I wouldn't say that is entirely true. The Tuesday before he left him, some of his family and myself all went out to lunch and celebrated. Then he and I hung out in San Francisco all day. The day before he left he spent the entire day with me and we went hiking then I took him out to a fancy dinner. Also, it's not like he hasn't spent EVERY SINGLE day with me this summer while i've been home from school. I can count the days we haven't hung out this summer on one hand. So, I think he's entitled to having 5 days to be "free" and hang out with his friend in Vegas. He's called me every day while there so far and telling me what he's been up to. The only thing that has bugged me is not once during those short conversations has he asked me "how are you?" or "what have you been doing?". Instead, he just goes off about all the fun things him and his friend have been doing...which I understand because two montsh ago when I was in Russia I often did the same thing (that is, forgetting to ask him what he's been doing)...but whatever i guess.

I just need to learn to be more relaxed and less jealous when it comes to this relationship. He needs his freedom and of course he's going to want to hang out with his friends and go to bars for a little bit until he gets over the whole "being legal" thing.

I think waiting and seeing what happens is what I must do now. If you chooses his friends and other 21 and over activities instead of seeing me, then he and I will definitely need to have a talk...

I guess I will post another update in several weeks as to how he has been acting since coming back.
[QUOTE=DoubleMint;3138096]I'm still 19 (will be 20 in Jan) and my boyfriend is about to be 21 in one week. He's is and has been making SUCH a big deal out of this event since around february when he decided to plan a trip to Las Vegas to celebrate. Whenever we're with friends he always talks about how awesome his trip is going to be and how he's going to be hitting up the clubs, the bars and also playign tons of poker while there. Then, he says once he gets back he will be going out to bars with his friends (lots of female friends...i totally trust him, but it's still kinda wierd to think my bf is hanging out with some girls at a bar! lol) and playing pool in bars and all this other stuff that I clearly can't be a part of cuz i'm underage.

I know he's really excited about the Vegas trip, cuz it's his first vacation in a while, but I just wish he would have at least invited me or something. Although, we've talked about it and I definitely understand that having me there would be a downer. Since I would not be able to do any of the things he wants to do with him (i'm underage!). I'm happy for him that he's gonna be doing something fun for himself and that he no longer feels restricted or whatever, but i just feel like he's rubbing all this in my face (and everyone elses face) sometimes.

I just feel so left out. And I tell him that. I'm scared (and I've let him know this too) that once he turns 21 he's not going to want to spend the weekends hanging out with me, cuz it's definitely not as fun as going to a bar or club with his buddies. To add to it, right now I'm home for the summer, but during the school year I live an hour away from him. So, the way I see it is most likely he'll choose not to make the hour drive to spend time with me and instead hang out with his older friends.

Ugh, I know it's really not true and I feel somewhat irrational saying and thinking all this. He's really a great guy and I've been with him for a year now and I know he cares and he's always been more than willing to drive the hour and spend time with me. He does a lot to calm me down and tells me all of these thoughts are all in my head and that none of this will happen..

I still dong' know though...I just feel so angry and left out and with this giant pit in my stomach whenever the subject gets on him being 21 and everything. He's just making WAY to big of a deal out of the whole birthday I think. What do you think? Am I being lame and selfish right now or do I have the right to think this way?[/QUOTE] This sounds a lot different from your final post. sorry if we got it wrong but this (above) is what we had to go on. Which is closer to the truth?
As someone who was just turning 20 after my boyfriend turned 21, I can relate to what you're going through. As for his birthday, it seems like you two had a nice celebration together, but he wanted to still be able to have a special "I'm 21 now" party too. I'm sure he isn't intentionally "rubbing it in your face," he's just excited.

As for him going to the bars on weekends, that will take some getting used to, and I struggled with jealousy problems too. What it really boils down to is, do you trust him enough to not cheat on you? My boyfriend and I have that kind of trust, so I was mainly just upset that I didn't get to go out and have fun too. However, I don't think you can ask him to stay in every weekend with you. You're only 21 once, and he's right to want to have fun, because you're both young. And guess what, I'm sure he can't wait until you're 21 too and can have fun with him!

It's really important to compromise here. He shouldn't be going out every weekend, nor should he always stay in with you. On the nights that he DOES go out, make sure that you go out with friends too! My boyfriend always encouraged me to have a fun girls night out because he never wanted me to just be at home and lonely just because he wasn't there. Spending TOO much time together is never healthy, and it's important for you both to have fun with friends. When you're out enjoying yourself it'll make things easier.

Lastly, I doubt he'll be going out as much as you fear. Good luck! :)





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