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Awwww....sorry to hear about this frustrating situation!

I think you are being sweet in trying not to be overly jealous or possessive. That's a turn-off to most guys, and you are sensing that your guy won't like it if you're questioning his every intention with this girl.

HOWEVER, patience only can go so far. If he's your boyfriend, why is he spending so much time with her? It sounds like he vacations with her, watches TV with her, tells her all of his problems, shares a bed with her.....that pretty much defines "girlfriend" to me. Even if he isn't physically cheating with her, it sure seems like he's emotionally cheating. He's taking time and emotions that should be spent on you and is giving them to her. That's wrong.

I also question her motives. I think it's pretty obvious that she has a thing for him. Even if he's completely oblivious and thinks this is just a friendship, she's inviting him on long weekends with her (without you), going over his house all the time, and making herself available to help him with his relationship problems. Anyone that's ever crushed on a guy before can tell you that these are all major signs she wants him bad. She wants to be there to pick up the pieces when you dump him OR she wants him to suddenly realize that she's right for him all along and dump you. I don't trust her at ALL.

I think you have two options here.

1) Dump him. If the evidence adds up and you really know in your heart that he's fallen for her and is going behind your back, it's too late. You deserve better than a cheater.

2) If you think there's the possibility that he really is just FRIENDS with this girl, you can have a heart-to-heart and see where it takes you. Guys are just as defensive as girls, so I wouldn't make lots of accusations and point out how dumb he is not to notice the attention she's giving him. I would say something like "Look, I'm sorry for blowing up over the phone. I really like so-and-so (lie if you have to...if she's just a friend, you need to accept his friends...even the ones you hate), but I can't help but notice that you're spending a ton of time with her. I want to be the one you go on vacations with and watch TV with, and I think it's a little weird that you are spending so much time with her instead of me. If she's the one you want to be with, at least let me know so I can move on. I really want to be with you, but I don't want to get hurt."

If he thinks you're being irrationally jealous, ask him how he would feel if the situation was reversed. Name a guy you know and really put it in concrete terms. His eyes might really be opened.

If he says "yeah, I've fallen for her"...you have your answer. If he says "what do you want me to do?", then make a list of things you can agree to. Maybe he only goes out with her once a week. Maybe you make a deal that the next time he picks up the phone to call her, he calls you instead. No sharing a bed. No overnight vacations without you there. These are not unreal expectations to have for a boyfriend.


If he balks at this and accuses you of being jealous and says things like "you have no right to say who I can and can't talk to," you might need to think about moving on. That's true.....he has the freedom to choose his words and actions....but being in a committed relationship means he loses his chance to spend all of his free time with another girl. In that case, I would say something like "you're right, you can choose to spend time with whoever you want. But if this continues with her, I need to find someone else."

I hope everything goes okay for you. Sorry you're in this awful position, but it will pass!! Things get better when you get older...really, they do!!





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