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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3149433]Are you sure it's an insecurity issue and not just a "you're really not into him but forcing yourself to settle because you don't really believe you can do better" issue?[/quote]No, I don't really think that's it. I think it is an insecurity issue. I usually don't let people get close to me, and he has gotten somewhat close to me. Prior to him, I haven't really been into having a romantic relationship with anyone, but, he kinda romanced me and was very nice to me, and seems to appreciate me, unlike other guy friends I've had.[quote]Did you have a sex drive before you met him? Not necessarily with anyone else, just a drive?[/quote]Nope, I've never had much of a sex drive period, even before him. The idea of not having sex doesn't bother me at all because I don't see what the big deal is, although, I'd just "lie" when around others to help me feel normal when amongst them, whenever the subject comes up. I have tried stuff, like pills and such to help to get me aroused, but they don't work. I posted in the other section about this problem...and it's probably just something hormonal. I've never been right where my hormones are concerned. As of lately, I just say, "I wish I was normal."[quote]Take a minute and put aside whether you're good enough for him for a minute. Take a minute to really think about whether he's really everything you want in a man, as far as common interests, goals, common values and beliefs, similar tastes in recreation, art, music, films, books, etc. and is there a chemistry, a click and a sexual attraction at all?[/quote]We can talk, and we both like international based things and broadening his horizons and is very very intelligent (this is what really drew me to him), and not a "pig" whose only worried about getting laid. We also like the same type of "retro" music and he's very mature and if he was to ever get a girl pregnant he's with, I'm certain he'd take care of the child, as he's the responsible type...that and the fact that he did say that he would like to settle down and have a family some day.[quote]His fondness of you and kindness to you certainly do count, but no, I disagree, they alone aren't enough. Just because a guy can be sweet to you doesn't mean he's the right one for you. Take a minute to think it through and make sure you're not selling him OR yourself short.[/quote]I hope I'm not selling him short. That wouldn't be too good and I'd feel terrible for him. He's had disastrous and doomed relationships in his past, I wouldn't want to add on to that.[quote]Decide first how YOU feel about this guy. If you decide he really is a great guy who you click with and could feel passion and chemistry with, the next step is to work on feeling better about who and what and where you are. One step at a time.[/QUOTE]But, that's my problem. I really do like being around him, and I love spending time with him, and I enjoy the thought-provoking discussions we have, and I kinda like it when he may hug me and cuddle and we make-out...but, I still can't be completely intimate with him to the point o wanting to have sex because I just don't feel attractive or anything and I'm still not used of having person close to me in this sense (I keep thinking, "he must be insane to want to be with a person like me") and if we ever do get the opportunity to have sex, I know for a fact that it'll be forced on my part since I've never really wanted to in the first place and I feel this will always be the case regardless of the guy.

I'm sorry if my answers are vague, and I'm sure it's probably frustrating to anyone reading this post...but I couldn't think of a better way to answer them.

I don't know why I feel that I don't deserve anyone, either, or why I feel that he must be nuts to like me in that way. In this sense, I literally have no one to talk to about this problem. He even confessed, after we got together, that he'd been crushing on me for years; I first met him back in high school and we just happened to bump into each other last year. He was an upperclassman; he's three years my senior.

Anyway, back on topic, maybe I need some type of reassurance or something or a way to know that I'm physically attractive. As I pointed out, he's blind, so he can't really say anything like that. So if I like, got a new outfit, he wouldn't be able to compliment me or give a critique.

I like him a whole lot, I just feel that he'd be better off with someone more worthy, and wish he'd break it off with me, even if I don't really want to see him go. I like him too much for him to be stuck with a person like me...but then, I'd feel incredibly guilty and just grow depressed since he has told me that he loved me. I can't say that back (I felt awkward when he said it), but I think it's mostly due to the fact that I'm not an affectionate person (in a romantic sense), unless they're little kids or babies and stuff, since I do want to have a child some day (motherly instincts, I guess)...but I'm leaning more towards adoption than biologically having one.





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