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Relationship Health Message Board


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I agree with Will. He has lied before about this and only tells the truth after you already know he has lied. That doesn't sound all that "fine" to me. How many times are you going to let him get away with this before you decide that enough is enough? I mean, he was at this person's house and that girl was there, and he didn't think it was necessary to tell you. He lied again, because he "knew you'd flip out". Well duh, if he is doing something that you guys discussed that he said he wouldn't do anymore but he is doing it anyway, then he's just not keeping his word. How can you put up with that and say everything is "fine"?

You can keep walking around with blinders on and pretend like there is nothing going on, or you can admit to yourself that this girl is a problem and that your bf will continue to lie and keep things from you as it relates to you. But speaking from experience, that's the biggest waste of time and you'd be better off just ending it now with him before he has the chance to pull the same crap again (which is only a matter of time because I'm sure he's going to see her alone again at some point, if he hasn't already).

And quit logging on his facebook, that's not right. It doesn't matter what else is going on, but if you don't trust him at all and feel the need to log into his email or his **** or whatever else, then you don't belong together in the first place.
Oh god, I've been there! The best part was always the turn around "ok, I lied but only because YOU would flip out." Well, YA!!!! You told him you didn't want him to do X. He promises he won't. Then he does X. Then he lies about X. Then he gets caught doing X. Does he appologize - hell no. Cos he hasn't done anything wrong according to him. And anyway, he ONLY lied because YOU would flip out. OH PLEASE!!! He lied because he was doing something he said he wouldn't. He lied in the hope that he wouldn't get caught. He lied because he wanted to hang out with some other girl more than he wanted to keep his word to you. Then he tried to deflect HIS bad behaviour onto you by laying the blame on you for "flipping out". It's BS. Total BS. He lied when he said he wouldn't hang out with her again. He lied when he said he was going for burgers and said she wasn't there. He lied when you asked him about it. And then he resorted to the old stand-by about being FORCED to lie, lie, lie when he got caught because YOU would flip out. Oh COME ON! That's so lame. He chose to make you a promise, he chose to break that promise and he chose to lie to you and hope he wouldn't get caught. Now he's acting like it's ok because you're mad? Of course you're mad - he knew you would be. How is that an excuse or a justification?? Wasn't the whole point of the heart to heart about him accepting that something makes you mad??? When he promised not to see her, wasn't the point so that you wouldn't get mad and upset?? The way for you to not to mad was for him to keep his word. He chose to lie instead. That was his CHOICE. Two things would keep you from being mad: (1) not lie, or (2) lie and hope he didn't get caught. His choice was to lie and hope he wouldn't get caught. He got caught. Now he says he lied because you would be mad otherwise. Well, he could have not lied and kept his promise because otherwise you'd be mad.

He seems to think "I promise not to see her" means "I'll keep seeing her but lie about it and when I get caught I'll blame you". The message he's sending is that when he makes a promise all it means is that he'll try harder not to get caught. Dump the liar. This is not about your behaviour or freaking out or whatever. This is about him breaking his promise, being a liar and then trying to blame you. HIS behaviour is the issue, not yours. He broke a promise and lied. You didn't. He chose to make a promise. He chose to break it. His word is worthless.

Only you can say if you're ok in a relationship without trust. But if you want trust, this isn't the guy for you.





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