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Relationship Health Message Board

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I’ve been dating BF for almost two years. Within the first months, before we went “exclusive”, he had signed up to a couple of dating sites and had updated one that he was already on (with a picture I had taken of him!). Now, at the point of being non-exclusive, I guess I couldn’t really complain.

About 6 months into the relationship, at a time after the discussion of exclusivity, I confronted him about the dating sites. He agreed that the fact that he had “looking for women” or “looking for short term or long term dating” on his profile was not appropriate. He deleted that part and made the sites, including his *******, to say “looking for friends and activity partners.” The trouble for me is that he still has himself listed as “single”.

After I confronted him about that, he said that he had gone through this with another girlfriend and he thought it was a political thing in the relationship and that he wasn’t going to change it. He assures me that he has no desire to meet women for dating on these sites and that he goes for friendship and to take silly on-line quizzes and such.

So, time goes on and he continues to go to the sites. I bite my tongue for a long while until this weekend. He has recently made a mix c.d. for a girl that lives in another state but is moving to our state very soon (maybe I should mention that he and I met online, albeit not on a dating site but a music discussion board). I jokingly said “oh, well y’know are you going to date her” and he said, “a. I’m with you and b. she doesn’t like cats and lists a lot of music I dislike on her site”.

Ok, so more background, he is turning 27 this fall and I am turning 40 this month. I do have issues with turning the big 4-0 but I don’t look 40, I don’t act it, dress it…age is just a number, etc. But I do have some insecurities when I find out that this girl he is making the mix c.d. for is only 22 (and I saw her picture and she is cute). His profile on a couple of music sites says he likes to make mix c.d.s for “cute girls”. And while I know he is avid trader of mixes, as am I, I still get jealous that it is mostly women with whom he exchanges.

Now, because he posts his mix c.d.s on a site where I can read the track listings, I can see that he isn’t making them romantic mixes (he makes romantic or heart-felt ones for me and often). I guess I can’t complain about that and he says that “guys don’t get him” and he has almost always had lots of friends that are girls. I guess I worry that he may meet someone and fall for them. He assures all the time that he is not looking and that he is quite happy with us. I hate to seem so young and insecure with him (or here).

So, am I crazy for wanting him to change his “single” status to “seeing someone” as others do? I guess I just wish that he would leave the sites all together but he says he wants to meet people to hang out with. I should say, too, that we live an hour apart so I only see him on the weekends and then he really is into me.

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