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Thanks for the reply.
I was starting to think maybe it was just me, and I was just looking into things to much.
you could be right, Its been like this for years. And she just reciently talked to me about her issues about 3 weeks ago. So I have been trying to make a huge change, it hasnt really been that long. I have planned nights out, ect... we always have a good time, but I dont understand why she cant ever do that. It makes me feel as if its not what she wants. I know shes planning to go out for dinner with a couple friends which she makes seem as being very important. she can plan all this why cant she plan for us???
She has tried to plan things for us to do, And I will admit I kinda wasnt interested in her plans so I didnt do it. Its not that I really didnt want to do it, but due to certain things It wasnt really a option. She more or less tries to get me to take her and the kids to the shore for a week, or things like that. its most of the time something huge, which would require me to take a lot of time off, and with her not working Its hard for me to be able to afford a week at the shore with 4 people. It gets pretty expensive we have done night trips we did a 2 day trip a year or two ago and costed about $500. I dont mind spending the money on my family but its not always there to spend. So then she takes it as I dont want to take them out, and gets mad at me. I try to explain to her why but either she isnt listening or she doesnt understand...
She brought up to me about having another party last night. she knows I dont like having them all that much. Im not a big party person, and when ever we have one it turns into a fight, because I get upset she spends all this time with other people, as I said in my other post she turns into a different person. She'll get all goofy which is fine, but she gets very flurty, so the fact that she more or less ignores me then, then starts showing attention to other people I get very jelous, Im ready to get people out of the house by 8-9pm and its just started to her. the one time I just went to bed around 11pm then found out the next day she was up playing drinking games with her brothers friends intill after 4am. I was very uncomfortable with that and explained it to her. she never listens or just doesnt care. We went through a very hard time a couple months ago, She had a ******* account which was private ect.. I didnt care then a couple months went by I noticed one day it wasnt private anymore, I said something to her she claimed she didnt turn it off private and didnt understand why it was off private. More time went past, she was on it everyday I started getting upset. then one day I went on there and it was logged onto her account. I looked at her messages and one of her x-boyfriends was trying to message her, then some other guy that she met when her and her friend went to texas for a week. (they went to be a extra for a tv show). this guy was another one of the extras. well I guess they were talking back and forth and then he started saying things to her, like whats wrong with you is your thong all bunched up, or something like that then another message he said, you know where to find a real cowboy if things dont work out in your marriage. she said nothing back to him that was sexual ect... but still kept talking to him after him saying these things. I would never do that to her. I got really upset and said something to her, she wouldnt stop with the *******. So I fought fire with fire and opened my own account. I felt really bad and didnt tell her, then about a week goes past and I forget how but she somehow managed to find it, she opened another account and sent me fake messages claiming to be another girl that wanted to meet up with me. I saw the message and just erased it I didnt know it was from her I got a lot of messages from people I didnt know. anyway she got all mad that I had a account, we almost got a divorce over it, I left for a couple days then she closed her account, so I would close mine and come home.
I know thats a long story there but I just wanted to get that out as a example of the kinda things I go through.
we went to marriage consoling and after meeting him 4 times he said our biggest issue was communication. Which at that time I could agree when things would bother me I wouldn't talk about them I would just go into a shell and not really talk at all. I understand thats not the way to do things, and have since tried to talk about everything that bothers me... but theres really no reason to because she doesn't listen and still knowing it will bother me will still do it. I Cant keep fighting fire with fire, because I know it will end our marriage. but communication doesn't work either. I have tried to talk to her about this numerous times. It seems like when ever i tell her somethings bother me she becomes rebellious and does it out of spite. When I told her about the ******* thing bothering me, she said "Im 28, If I want to have a ******* account I dont think I should have to ask." Then it seemed she started getting on more often. The last party we had we were talking about having I asked her if we could just do it another time, it was her b-day she had a party here 2 weeks before, and I wanted to take her out anyway. She knew I didnt want to have it, and then a couple days later said well I know you dont really want to have one, But I want to have one so I am. I got a feeling the same thing is going to happen here in a couple weeks. She just gets really mad like Im trying to treat her like a child when thats not it, Im just trying to be a family like she tells me she wants to be. My vision of this is to be with her and the kids. and it seems as if her vision includes the kids most of the time, but would rather plan things to include her friends, then her husband.
Here I am trying to change and its so hard when she wont try to change with me. I would do marriage consoling again, however it seemed to get us nowhere the first time. I knew what I was doing wrong but didnt help her in anyway, and to be honest It costed me $400 a month and I cant pay that much for nothing...

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