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Ok, i understand when a girlfriend may get jealous of 1 or 2 female friends of mine for what ever reason it may be, but my fiance has outwardly expressed many times her uncomfortableness with basically all of my female friends. The close ones and also the not as close ones.

I've never had a relationship before and she tells me that this reaction is normal in any relationship.

Is it?
it depends.....do you keep your female friends seperate from your girlfriend or is your girlfriend included and welcome to meet them?
[QUOTE=rosequartz;3154961]it depends.....do you keep your female friends seperate from your girlfriend or is your girlfriend included and welcome to meet them?[/QUOTE]

agreed!

some of my bf's female "friends" were mostly around because they saw him as a potential mate not a friend. those are out of the way now, no question there.

you have to be open to your partner and your friends about your current relationship -- she won;t be jealous if there is nothing to be jealous of, but if you're being doubtful and keeping them away from her, she has reasons not to feel comfortable with your approach.
[QUOTE=rosequartz;3154961]it depends.....do you keep your female friends seperate from your girlfriend or is your girlfriend included and welcome to meet them?[/QUOTE]

I agree with this too!

If you are keeping your female friends away from her then she has every reason to be jealous. If it is all out in the open and she is free to meet with them and hang out and they all know that you are with your girlfriend and in love and happy then that's a different story. Most reasonable girls will not be jealous unless there is a reason to be.

My husband had many female friends when we started dating. He never lied about any of them and I met all but one of them in a pretty short span of time. I never had a problem with any of the ones I met and got to know (including one of his best friends that he dated briefly), only the one who was never around when I was. So of course I was pestering him about her and wanted to know why she would only come over when I wasn't there. She use to get mad when he would go out with me and not her and her friends. He assured me there was nothing to worry about but I insisted that I got to meet her asap or there was going to be trust issues with me. I did finally meet her when we all went out for his birthday. The only reason she even came was because she thought I couldn't get a babysitter and therefore wouldn't be there. I was very nice to her, offered her a glass of wine, and tried to be friendly. She was short and rude with her answers. When we all went to the bar we were going to she ordered one drink and left with her friend. We never heard from her again. I guess that shows what her intentions were.

Sorry to go off into my story but I thought that might help. If you are being honest about your friends then there shouldn't be an issue. There is no reason you can't have friends of the opposite sex as long as they are your friends to be your friends and no other reason. Usually (but not all the time) the girls who are after you and not your friendship will get bored of not getting what they want and move on.
Yes, also if you make your female friends a priority over your girlfriend, that won't go over too well, either. You should never ever do or say anything with your female pals that you couldn't do or say with your fiance standing right there. She should always not only be welcome to come along, but remember, she's not the third or fifth wheel, the female friends are. She's not tagging along, they are. You didn't give us any specific examples of what exactly she gets jealous of or things like that, so it's hard to determine if she's being unreasonable or if you're being neglectful, disrespectful and insensitive. Perhaps you could offer some examples and some more information?
Your girlfriend is now number one female in your life, and everything you do in regard to your other female friends must reflect this. Never put them first, run them past her as a priority, agree with her judgements as to how much of a threat any of them may be and act accordingly. Be open and upfront with everybody, and never never go behind her or lie about anything to do with them. Sera
[QUOTE=furtiva;3154981]...she won;t be jealous if there is nothing to be jealous of...[/QUOTE]

I had to post because I actually disagree with this. [i]Some[/i] (perhaps most) girls aren't jealous when there is no reason to be. However there are girls who just feel insecure about themselves, and project that onto their partner by trying to limit their contact with other females.

I agree that people should be sensitive and understanding of partner's concerns regarding opposite sex friends, but beware that there is a fine line between understanding/compromise and letting yourself be controlled by your partner.

What I'm saying is that if you really believe that these girls are harmless and that you've never given your girlfriend reason not to trust you/them, beware of pushing your friends away just to suit your girlfriend, unless you'd rather have her than friends?
[QUOTE=Kwagmire;3154932]I've never had a relationship before and she tells me that this reaction is normal in any relationship.[/QUOTE]Jealousy to a certain degree is normal. Her kind of jealousy is not. You are allowed to have female friends! I can't stand these kind of women!!!!! She is insecure and playing on your inexperience in relationships.
You can tell when you meet someone if they are really just friends or if they like your SO and want to be more than just friends. My husband had an EX that he was "friends" with when we met and I could tell that she was very uncomfortable if I was around and barely even spoke to him and not to me at all unless I asked her a direct question. Needless to say this woman was not a welcome friend and she is no longer in the picture! I believe that my husband had no loving feelings toward her anymore but I think that she wanted to keep in contact just in case things didn't work out with the new guy. I say that keeping an EX as a friend is a very bad idea if you want to move on and start dating others! Seldom will this ever work because of jealousy on both sides of the coin!

It's very hard to accept the opposite sex as a friend when you are dating someone...it's so hard to trust anyway and this just puts unnecessary doubts and fears into the head of who you are dating. A few people have no problems with this but most women will have problems accepting this. We are not stupid...we know what other women are up to! You will never get her to come around to accept this so you need to decide what's more important...having a bunch of female friends or having the GF. Maybe if she meets the women it could be OK with her...or it could make things worse if she senses the other woman's hostility toward her.

My EX husband is remarried to a woman that is so jealous of me that I cannot even write anything in MyS**** or she throws a tantrum and thinks it about him or her??????? Sheeew!!!!! :(
[QUOTE=Willapp;3156486]I had to post because I actually disagree with this. [i]Some[/i] (perhaps most) girls aren't jealous when there is no reason to be. However there are girls who just feel insecure about themselves, and project that onto their partner by trying to limit their contact with other females.

What I'm saying is that if you really believe that these girls are harmless and that you've never given your girlfriend reason not to trust you/them, beware of pushing your friends away just to suit your girlfriend, unless you'd rather have her than friends?[/QUOTE]

oh my, you have no idea of how many times this topic has been discussed in my life either about me or my close friends. Let me start by saying that it is all so RELATIVE, of what reasonable cause for jealousy is and very specific to the couple/cases. Just a couple of days ago I received a call from a guy friend who is trying to work out things with his super super jealous g/f . He told me that he will call me but asked me to not call him because it will show in his bill/ID and his GF will go bananas, and doesnt wnat that bcs he is trying to work it out with her, bcs he loves her. go figure!

And that's not the only story I have to share. My first ex (a guy) was the most controlling person ever. I eliminitated all my guy friends, all of them, even classmates, no contacts outside the class. Not because I gave him any reasons to be jealous of, well at least not from my point of view. In his eyes, he had plenty to believe that , say my classmate wasn't just being sociable, but more. It came to the point when I eliminitated him, bcs it was too much.

So I get your point, I really do have plenty under my belly to recognize the variety of humans we are sorrounded by and we socialize or love. And not all of them share the same ideas about realtionship as we do. My point is that, if given that you really love her and want to be with her although she is jealous by nature, (like my friend's GF or my ex) you have two choices:

you choose her over the friends (like I did with my ex) but bcs this is unreasonable, it will soon come to an unpleasent end i.e. you will eventually dump her and seek a reasonable partner

scenario two: you try to make her reasonable before things go out of hand (like my firiend's story) dump her now, and work out things until she gets to be reasonable.

To go back to my point, even if she is jealous for the sake of it (or insecurities, personality type or whatever), if she is your FIANCE, she is not a newly gf of yours, she's been around you for a while before you proposed. So, she is either inherently unreasonably jealous (which you should have seen coming before) or she has recently become such (in this case, you might want to evaluate why).
Ok,

I have a boyfriend who has more female mates than guy friends. I used to be jealous of them because my boyfriend's home town is far away and when he went home I knew he was hanging out with a bunch of girls who I hadnt met before and my thoughts got carried away, I used to think they were all page 3 models or something after my boyfriend. I would wonder if they knew that my boyfriend was with me or if I was being kept a secret etc.

But...

After meeting them all they are a lovely bunch of girls who are really laid back, they are pretty much all coupled up aswell which is good. I felt so much better after meeting everyone. My boyfriend tells me everything thats going on in their lives so I am never shut out and there are never any "secret" conversations or texts to be worried about.

Basically what I am trying to say, is make sure you include your girlfriend. It seriously makes things easier and puts a gals mind to rest. Include her in whats going on with your friends too, like any news or gossip etc.

This is just my opinion, I mean your girlfriend could just be down right posessive..which is a totally different ball game altogether.

Anywho good luck :)
[QUOTE=BeaTrade;3156669]You can tell when you meet someone if they are really just friends or if they like your SO and want to be more than just friends. [/QUOTE]

Sorry BeaTrade, but I have to totally disagree with this; as it certainly wasnít true in my case:

My bf's female 'friend':rolleyes: had been in his life for [I][B]ten long years[/B][/I] and, after all that history, it was only when he met me that she decided to make her move.

Some women just cant [I][B]stand[/B][/I] their male 'friend' finding someone special to him and will be more than willing to throw the 'friend' role right out the window when it suits them - sorry to say but this is the voice of (unwillfull) experience.
I had intended to also mention BeaTrade; I had no idea of this womanís intentions, despite having spent plenty of time in her company and having gotten fond of her even to the extent of asking my bf to ask her over when she wasnít around; and I donít consider myself a stupid women; but I've come to learn some women are just sneakier than others.
Sorry about your situation...I should have said "You can USUALLY tell...." HA!

An attached man hanging out with women is really just an accident looking for a place to happen...it's not if it's when...HA! *ducks to avoid the rocks*:jester:
Women are only looking for one thing if they are not married. Yes I am sorry but that is the way I feel. I do not trust any women , there is no need for me to. BUT i do trust my dh so i am fine with him hanging out at the bar and meeting someone. He comes home and tells me a joke or what they tried or did to someone else that he was watching. We also watch when we are together and we see women that know the guy is married go up to them.

If you love your girlfriend/fiance' then you will respect her wishes. BUT the problem is is that you will have to figure out if she is just being controlling. For you to have no life and no friends is absurd. First its girls then its your guy friends...then you are all alone. so watch yoruself.

When she is with you longer she might calm down but know this WOMAN are always jealous no matter what they say. They might trust you but not the women so dont take her saying she doesnt want you near as her not trusting you she just might see the look in thier eyes when they watch you and she doesnt like it. Personally i wouldnt either but I am a mean girl and I can be a beast and will defend what is mine. Yes i said what is mine, I dont own my dh but I surely will fight to keep him! LOL His friends all know it too and when a girl comes up to them to talk they warn her. LOL (blushing) But please make sure this isnt a controlling thing.

If her heart is pure then respect it and dont say things like oh you have nothing to worry about. Because you have no clue what your female friends are thining. we are women adn we know.

Trust your gut that is all i can say. Dont down play it either or she will get mad. Let her know you understand her feelings and will be aware of your female friends trying to get him when he is taken.

I say this.....if he wants you then he can have you, BUT if he doesnt want you then you are mine and i hit hard >>LOL

good luck and remember THINK before you speak or frying pans might have to be ducked
[QUOTE=Willapp;3156486]I had to post because I actually disagree with this. [i]Some[/i] (perhaps most) girls aren't jealous when there is no reason to be. However there are girls who just feel insecure about themselves, and project that onto their partner by trying to limit their contact with other females.

I agree that people should be sensitive and understanding of partner's concerns regarding opposite sex friends, but beware that there is a fine line between understanding/compromise and letting yourself be controlled by your partner.

What I'm saying is that if you really believe that these girls are harmless and that you've never given your girlfriend reason not to trust you/them, beware of pushing your friends away just to suit your girlfriend, unless you'd rather have her than friends?[/QUOTE]

This is the reply i can most relate with.

I feel like she's very controlling with whom i can and can't be friends with. She has met pretty much all of my close circle of friends but even my closest female friend she has a problem with. She doesn't know why she is, but she states she just is.

I just feel as though i have distanced myself unintentionly from alot of my female friends as my partner is always throwing so many negative comments towards them. I'm now missing their friendships and want to pursue in catching up with them again. I have already done this onc with my fiance there and i suppose things went ok.

Maybe just involve my partner more yeah? I've always tried to do this.
I'm curious, what do your friends say about your fiance? Has your fiance ever said anything directly to them, especially to the men about the women?

Maybe I am just very secure in my relationship with my husband and the whole "female friend" thing doesn't bother me. Don't get me wrong, my radar has gone off on a few women in the past regarding him (including the one I posted about) but I have always trusted my husband 100%. You two should be able to come to a compromise regarding these sorts of things. If you are butting heads now it will only get worse after you get married.

What about her going to lunch or something with some of your closer female friends? My husband's best female friend made a point of really trying to get to know me and form a relationship with me because she knew just how much my husband cared for me. Maybe this will help her see them as less threatening?
[QUOTE=Kwagmire;3160412]This is what i'm worried about. She had openly admitted on many occasions that she is even jealous of my best mate. As a result i have seen less of him too[/QUOTE]

thats silly. u shouldnt have to see less of ur best mate. my boyfriend has been best friends with his friend for 20 years or so. he also has other close male friends too. there is a group of about 5 of them and i let him go and have dinner with the boys, watch movies with them. when the world cup was on last year, he went and saw his home country play on a tv in a bar with his mates. he then took me to federation square in melbourne to watch australia and brazil on the big screen. its important for him to have his boy time and i respect this. i even tell him to invite them out with us too. my boyfriend and i usually hang out on sat nights together. we havent said that we have to hang out every saturday but it usually just happens. i was having dinner with him during the week. this was a few weeks back(i assume u know what im talking about as you're aussie) and he said, "do u mind if i go and watch melbourne victory play on sat with the boys?" i laughed and i said, "are you asking for my permission to watch the soccer?" he said, "no but we usually hang out on saturday and i dont want to upset you." im thinking how sweet but i said, "we can always hang out on friday night or even sunday, its no big deal and u can go to all the soccer games if u want." he sometimes invites me along to the games but hardly ever because its reserved for the boys and thats fine with me as we always hang out and do stuff together anyway. besides i was never a big soccer fan. the euro is on next year and he said im welcome to go to bars and stuff with him and his mates to watch the games. so, my advice to u is dont give up you friends especially your male friends. ill tell u a reason why. one of my boyfriends friends got a girlfriend. she became very controlling in a manipulative way. anyway he is now married and my boyfriend and his friends want nothing to do with him anymore. they would invite him out and he wouldnt come out so they ditched him. dont let this be you. friends are for life!! a girl that loves and respects you would not take you away from your friends. after all im sure she has female friends and enjoys her girls nights out too.
I'm curious...what things do you go and do with all the women you hang around with? Are you basically going on "dates" with them...I think this would be a hard pill for any woman(SO) to swallow...I'm sorry but that's just how it is! I'd say that if you want to include these other women in social events and stuff like that...well ok, but it you are wining and dining them then that's going to go over like a lead balloon with most any woman you are serious about.
[QUOTE=Laylah;3159903]Sorry BeaTrade, but I have to totally disagree with this; as it certainly wasnít true in my case:

My bf's female 'friend':rolleyes: had been in his life for [I][B]ten long years[/B][/I] and, after all that history, it was only when he met me that she decided to make her move.

Some women just cant [I][B]stand[/B][/I] their male 'friend' finding someone special to him and will be more than willing to throw the 'friend' role right out the window when it suits them - sorry to say but this is the voice of (unwillfull) experience.[/QUOTE]

Kind of like that movie "My Best Friend's Wedding." There may be a woman who may or may not have had a romantic past with some guy, and she's fine being just friends, but perhaps subconsciously or in the back of her mind, she figures they will end up together one day, until he gets serious about someone else, then she starts to panic and starts to pursue him.
Ok, this scenario has now extended onto *******. I've had quite a few old friends who have found me on the site and asked to be added as a friend. My fiance basically scans my ******* (and my email) every single day and questions who these people are. Its at the point now where some very good old friends whom are popping up and i haven't seen in ages are making contact and the fiance just won't have a bar of it. She says she believes me that they are (and were) just friends with me but se flips out wheni add them. I have had the nice surprise of some old friends getting in contact with me but i have someone who is stopping me making contact with them back. One in particular is an old friend who's site is plasteed with her weddn photos and her daughters birth so she is married with a child - I'm still feeling the hostility from her.
She tells me that females are only after one thing and i believe now that she sees every other female as a threat. This is running me down and really bumming me out. I've heard of other mates going though this over the years and i always promised myself never to get into a relationship like that and it seems as though i have.
Ok, believe me I can totally sympathize with your situation here. I think what you need to do is stand your ground on having this people in your life. You *need* to make this issue that your fiancee has into [i]her[/i] problem, not yours, because that's exactly what it is: an irrational fear of other women.

The more you accept her behaviour and allow her control over who you can and can't associate with, the worse it's going to become. The only way you can make it better is to be perfectly clear with her that these people are friends and there's no good reason for her to have a problem with them. She'll have to either accept it and gradually will come around to the idea, or I guess you'll end up not together, but if I were you then that wouldn't seem like the worst thing. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with no other female contact??
[QUOTE=Kwagmire;3182901]She tells me that females are only after one thing and i believe now that she sees every other female as a threat. This is running me down and really bumming me out.[/QUOTE]This is so not true!!! I have many, many male friends and even if I weren't married, it doesn't mean I'm after "one thing" from any or all of them!!! She's being irrational. I agree with willap that you need to stand your ground and hopefully she changes her behavior, otherwise you need to leave because you'll get nothing but grief from this relationship.
Personally I believe that your fiance is not alone in the way she thinks...a lot of partners...male or female...wouldn't like their partners having opposite sex friends. I know that my EX husband's wife is soooo jealous of me that I can't even write anything in my***** without her thinking it's directed toward her or him? She just freaks out and I don't ever even speak to my EX anymore! I get dirty e-mails to my***** from her all the time "warning" me! HAHA! Well that's what happens when you marry a psycho..HAHA!:mad:
Personally I love the website that you are referring too because I have found (or have been found) by so many old friends that I have lost contact with over the last 12 years, male and female. My husband also has a profile on there and has had the same experiences as me. We both can see eachother's page, however, we do not have the passwords to eachother's profiles or regular email accounts. There is a trust between us and we both believe that we are entitled to some privacy because of this trust.

I'm sorry, but your fiance is being ridiculously insecure.

[QUOTE=Willapp]I think what you need to do is stand your ground on having this people in your life. You *need* to make this issue that your fiancee has into her problem, not yours, because that's exactly what it is: an irrational fear of other women.[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree with Willapp more Kwagmire. This is your fiance's problem and she needs to resolve it. One of my husband's best friends is a female and they dated (well, for only a week) way back when. I consider her one of my closest friends now and the four of us (me, my husband, her, and her husband) get together as much as we can. Do not allow your fiance any control in this matter or it will only get worse. If she can't get her irrationality in check then you may have to come to terms with the fact that she may not be the one for you.

I have to say it just drives me crazy when people are insecure about friends of the opposite sex. It's so juvenile. Honestly, are you suppose to go the rest of your life with no female contact what so ever? It just makes no sense. If she can't trust in you and your love then what kind of relationship do you have?





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