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Relationship Health Message Board


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I've been with my b/f for the past 6 yrs. I met him after I divorced after 15 yr of marriage. My b/f is the same way. I don't understand why he can't show me love in a affectionate way.. He's great guy.. He provides to me and my three kids.. Iam unable to work because of having RSD.. Alot is on his plate. I have constantly and consistantly have been saying to him almost the whole 6 yrs.. Why can't you give me affection.. why can't you just pull me over and hug me.. For almost the whole relationship. I think I heard every excuse in the book.. I would bring it up to him. We would fight, and make up. Then it was forgotten. Then it would build up in me again, I would mention it to him and bam we would fight again.. He would say you mention it all the time. I am constantly hearing it.. I would say, well you say you will try and you don't.. What do you want from me.. This is not what I want in life.. Iam not saying your wrong.. If this is who you are then be honest with me.. I am not asking you to change, but I am telling you I am the type of person who likes the love and affection.. I always asked him.. How can you have sex with me but you can't touch me other then that.. Doesn't make sense.. Just recently, I told him.. I can't take it anymore.. I have waited long enough for you to try.. and Its not fair to you for me bringing this up to you all the time and its not fair to me. So where do we go from here..
His response.. I love you, I want to be here,If I didn't I would have left. Iam being honest with you , I don't know why I am like this.. He said the only thing I can think of at this point is to go to counciling, to find out why I don't and if we don't we will do this over and over
He didn't have a very great childhood, he had one heck of a nasty divorce that involved his step daughter blaming him for verbal sexual abuse, which was dismissed in court. The Step daughter made the whole thing up, but by the time she admitted she made it up, it had already teared their marriage apart. He said you will never know how that feels to be blamed for something like that, it takes a peice of you away.
My thinking is this is the reason why he has a problem showing affection.. He has never dealt with it.. He holds so much anger because of all of this..
So yes, I believe your past history has alot to do with who a person is... I have one all that you have mentioned.. Showed him the affection, cause I figure he doesn't know any better. He never had it from his family.. He comes from a large family and they are all like that.. Very cold people.. I always say, your a ***** cat with a hard shell.. I believe people don't always do things on purpose.. I don't think your boyfriend is doing it on purpose.. He probably just doesn't know how.. He may need to talk to someone. I think my b/f knows there is a serious problem.. I don't agree with everyone when they say to dump him.. If you love him, stand by him.. Help him to get the help.. Suggest it to him.. Look at my boyfriend, he's 47 and is now just agreeing to seek some help.. He realizes that this has followed him for yrs.. I look at it this way, I love this man.. If he had cancer would I leave him.. no... I wouldn't .. So why sould I leave him because of this...





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