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Relationship Health Message Board

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Well, I'm sure glad you stopped by our friendly little cyber community!

If you've read these boards, you'll know that we don't usually mince words, we tend to tell it straight. Doesn't mean we're judging, we just like to cut to the nitty gritty and tell it like we see it, so in that spirit, with much love and respect...

It kind of troubles me that you say you feel like you can take charge of your sexuality, but since when did that include toying with cheating on a husband? That has nothing at all to do with taking charge of your sexuality, and more to do with neglecting commitments you've made.

If you know you love your husband and don't want to mess things up with him, I think you really need to focus on that. Imagine telling him you've had an affair, imagine what it would do to his heart, what it would do to your life and your marriage, to your husband's life, if you actually slept with this guy and he found out, spell out every detail, the look on your husband's face, how he would react, how you'd feel, and for what, imagine trying to make a marriage work with this other older guy, living with him, sharing a bathroom with him, all the boring day to day stuff, paying bills, making dinner together, washing his dirty socks and underwear, how would that work and how would that make you feel, make it all clear in your mind so you can picture every detail. Once you've done that, hopefully seeing just what you have to lose and hopefully you'll see more clearly that while a successful older man giving you attention is flattering, it's sooooooooo not worth losing a good thing with a good man who loves you and who you love enough to marry, and who you still love and things are still basically very good with, except a little rough patch because of the business of life, which you promised to deal with in faithfulness to your husband.

Hopefully all his will make breaking it off with the other guy much easier. I don't' think you need anyone here to tell you that you've already let this thing go way too far. But it is your life and your marriage, and if you still love your husband and still want to be married to him, your first obligation is to end this thing with the other guy no matter how he reacts or what professional ramifications it has. You can be as nice and polite as you want to be, while still being firm and holding your ground. Simply tell him that are very very sorry if you took him for granted or allowed yourself to be too flattered by his attentions, but you are married and commited to your husband and have no intention on breaking your marriage vows and that his flattery turned your head for a while, you could never really take it any farther and you hope he will understand. If he doesn't, you can't allow that to be your problem.

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