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Re: Angry
Aug 26, 2007
[QUOTE=apple_juice;3176447]Perhaps it is too soon to save i am out of love. I may still love him but dont want to acknowledge it- whats the point? I want to move on regardless of how I feel and im trying to do the best I can. I don't want to seem like I am still in love. I dont want him to think I still want him. I wish things didnt take a turn for the worst, but it happened, and along the way I realised he never loved me- so regardless of how I feel I want to move on, and not have him think I want him back.
Does that make sense? Sometimes, isnt it better to ignore how youre feeling, to brush it aside to enable you to move on?[/QUOTE]

Well, I personally am not real big on ignoring or brushing aside feelings, because 1) I've just never been any good at it and 2) they don't disappear. feelings brushed aside always have to go somewhere, and they can turn inward as depression, insecurity or other bad things.

I think you can still acknowledge that the love you feel/felt for him is still there, but at the same time you can also acknowledge that it takes more than love to make a relationship work. I think you can let yourself accept that your feelings haven't died yet, but that you can still see that even though there are feelings there, the relationship didn't work, and most likely wasn't meant to be.

You know what you want, and you know how you want to be treated, and you know this guy didn't treat you with the proper amount of respect and attention. Just because you still have feelings for him doesn't mean you want him back. Do you really want to go back to him ignoring you, making you feel neglected and taken for granted? Of course you don't. Perhaps you don't even want him back. You want what you WANTED the relationship to be, but never really was. And I think that's totally understandable. It's very hard to lose dreams, to have to face the fact that a dream you had isn't going to come true, or at least it's not going to come true the way you imagined it would. It's hard to let that go. But I think you need to work on letting that go, and getting used to feel of life adjusting to your new future. It will take a while, but really don't concern yourself with what he's thinking. He's going to think what he wants to think anyway. I went through a really really hard breakup, it was and in many ways still isthe hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life, including family illness, tragedy and a host of other troubles and dysfunctions. I reconnected with an old mutual friend of mine and my ex's, and I just had to work everything out. He chastised me once about how I was still bleeding over it years later and he said "you have to realize how it looks on the outside to other people." the fact is, I didn't give two hoots how it looked. I had to work through my pain and deal with it, and the only people who had a judgment about "how it looked" were people who were never my friends anyway, so what do I care?

I wish I could say for sure that these feelings will go away in time, I hope they will for you. But I do think you can accept that you gave your love to someone who didn't want it or appreciate it, file it under lessons learned, and that you know you still have so much to give to the right person.

I don't want you to feel like you've lost a friend, but I'm not sure you should even attempt to stay in contact with this guy while you are trying to get over him. It's ok to take a little break to heal, without having him come around every now and again and rip the scab off.

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