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Please...Bear with me. I need someone to listen cause I am at my wits end and have no one to talk to..I am 28 and have been married 5 years (Sat is our 5th anniv...) The first years of our marriage were ruined by my momster..Her rages, constant need for attention etc. Dad is an enabler BIG time. Anything I said was twisted and turned and hubby was the enemy. At that time, I did anything I could to avoid the rages..They were awful and left a TERRIBLE impact on me... I was also in law school at the time... Talk about stress... A few years ago, (4 years) I ended up in a psych ward cause I overdosed cause I just couldnt take it anymore... Wasnt smart, Hurt my husband, but it was the only way out for me...that was a direct result of me confronting my momster big time.. I couldnt fathom how she just didnt get it... And I didnt know how I could keep going the way we were, or how I could keep going... things got better after that for a little while. eventually came back to square 1.

Even a year and a half ago momster had a huge rage. She called me at work and started howling about how I wasnt like OTHER daughters and how my husband was awful and brainwashed me etc etc. And I confornted her and said MAYBE if she STOPPED comparing me, I would actually want to spend tiime with her! She freaked... Said she wished my daughter would punish her the way I did her etc etc. starting crying and screaming. Next thing you know, ended up in the ER claiming high BP or whatever. Dad called and I took hubby with me. Momster was sitting in a wheelchair SCREAMING for 15 minutes "I wannnttt myyy dauughterr backkk! My daughter has lefft meee!" like a madwoman with her eyes closed. They left her out in the waiting room. The nurse told me her BP was fine and this was attention gettng drama. Hubby told my dad that too. EnDad of course went and repeated it to momster later. They recommended a psychiatrist at the ER. Momster didnt go of course (she was faking) and dad took her home. Because it didnt evoke the response she wanted from me (expected me to bend down on my knees and cry and apologize) she felt stupid and kept saying she was sorry and "She didnt know what happened to her. She was just sad and missed me.."

After that both hubby and I realized she was just a nut. Like a small child who needed toys and threw tantrums. We didnt know WHAT to do in that situation so we tok advice from my brother and hubby's BIL who both said she is just nuts. If you want some peace, just play along. They both advised us the same thing. Apologize so you all can move on or else this raging will continue. And we did. She was thrilled. she thought she won. And then she calmed down some for some time.. Hubbby and I decided it wasnt worth the fight or the confrontation so every now and then just play along....


Fast forward a year... I was diagnosed with MS a few months ago. Hubby thinks its a direct result of the stress caused by momster. I have been in therapy a few months... I clearly have depression...The MS is the last thing on my mind. There have been small rages but have calmed down because of my MS, and them not wanting to stress me out too much... And I have drawn some boundaries... A few weeks ago, I told momster not to come to my work. (She showed up with food.) I told her t hat the more she cries, the WORSE it is for my health so if she really loves me STOP it. She claims she loves me the mooosssttt in the worrrllld... Its been over a month. They have calmed down. Dont know how long it will last.

Now, problem is there is SO much distance between me and hubby... We are kind of like two strangers. He is originally from India. Grew up there for 21 years of his life and its where his folks are. He is 33 now. Just focusing on this stuff for so many years has worn us out. He basiclaly accuses me of not prioritizing the first few years of our marriage. Thinks I always put mom first. Honestly, I was just trying to survive and avoid the rages... I wasnt trying to hurt him. I loved him then and I love him now. But he blames me for all those years... I grew up differently from him though...I grew up basically TAUGHT not to confront my parents. He didnt. It was a LOT harder for me considering the craziness I grew up with... I wasnt trying to hurt him.

My parents have slowly improved somewhat... I dont want to completely cut off from them. They have gottenbetter over time and maybe because of my MS. It may change tomorrow. It probably will. I dont know. I have LC with them. I see them maybe once in a month. I do speak with them on the phone and its been ok.

I cant even tell hubby they have improved somewhat. Cause my this point, he despises them. He wanted NC with them. The problem is that NC form him would most certainly bring on a crazy rage from momster eventually...And to be honest with you, I dont have the mental or physical capacity to handle that rage anymore... I have asked hubby to see them once in a few months on special occasions for a few hours and to just be nice for those few hours.. He said he will do it so it wont cause me more stress, as excessive stress is really bad for MS.

I have tried improvng stuff with hubby. I have been trying to do the things he wants... I have avoided his unneeded contact with my parents. We dont make love. Its been 2 years.... I try to instigate it sometimes, but he just turns it into a hug... I am really trying here...I really am. I just ask for a little cooperation from him, just understand that momster IS nuts... We live closeby though. Sometimes, on occasion we will have to see them and suck it up for a few hours...And they have gotten a bit better and try to be in good spirits when we meet them...

But by now, there is SUCH a rift between me and hubby. Seriously, its like 2 strangers...I dont know how to fix it. I am sorry for the past. I am trying to change it.. I am... I am drawing more boundaries... I am sticking up for myself and him more. And they are getting a little better.... I am trying in my marriage. But its not enough... Hubby constantly compares how happy he was growing up in india and how crappy things have been here, (mostly cause of stuff with my folks..)

I dont know what to do... every avenue is messed up. I love hubby. I do... But I cant handle more rages if he comes completely NC... I ask him for very very LC. On special occasions... Saturday is our 5th anniversary. I am not the least bit excited. It is actually sad. I didnt think this where we would be at our 5th year married... Like strangers...Hubby tries to be nice and loving with me. But the smallest thing pisses him off. Like me dropping something on the floor. He will look at me and say "See? THATS your problem!!" Everything about me seems to annoy him. Every little flaw.

We had a big issue a few months ago. His folks were visiting from India and stayed 6 weeks. His parents, sis, and sis' two kids, ad eventually BIL. 6 people all visiting. I was nice to them. Generally we had a good time... I think there may have been some small issues with MIL and my mom which MIL went and told hubby about and he hated my parents even more...

Right after they left, even though we were having so many issues between us, he decided he wanted to go to india for two weeks on vacation by himself. Said he needed a break from everything... He JUST saw his folks for 6 weeks!!! I was still adjusting to my MS diagnosis and we hadnt spent any time together after his parents left. We had issues of our own we needed to deal with, and he decided to take off... I asked him to stay and he could go later... He went and booked his tickets... I was SOOO hurt.. I told him I REALLY needed him right now and we needed to work on stuff... He cancelled...Said it was important that we work on stuff...I appreciated that. we will go to India in december...But for whatveer reason he is left des[ising my parents more after his left.

We went to couples' counseling once. My therapist explained to my hubby that I grew up VERY differently from him. Growing up and also into the marriage I was just trying to survive regarding my momster....He didnt completely understand and said it was my choice..

I dont know what to do now. I am SO depressed... I am trying in my marriage to fix things...Drawings boundaries, LC etc... I ask him to spend a few hours every few months to avoid more craziness... I really cant handle more rages....I already have PTSD and depression...
But me trying in my marriage isnt working... Our anniv is Saturday. Over that my parents have bought us BIG gifts for our "special" 5th annov and want to take us out to dinner maybe on Sunday... I know hubby wont want to see them...How do I keep putting it off?? Eventually they will want to give us these gifts...They DO love me, and are worried about my helath.

How can I keep going? I am so lost and so depressed...How will I keep handling special occasions and holidays?? Birthday, anniversaries, thanksgiving, Christmas...I am the only child here. My bro is in Seattle and never comes home. Just enables from a distance...How can I fix my marriage?? I am trying I am trying...Its not working. I am SOOOO sad...

The only solution I can think of is fpr hubby and I to move far away and restart... That way I wont have to deal with the visits etc and handling hubby on birthdays annivs etc... I am at my wit;s end. I cant live like this... I really cant... I swear, I so wish I could just die. I am SO depressed...You know, from the outside I am a successful attorney. Hubby and I make greta money have great jobs etc...But are SOOO empty...I would trade it all for a second for some peace and happiness... For my marriage to work...And yet I can NEVER mention my family at home cause I dont want to upset hubby. And I havent been mentioning them... I have refrained..But how long can I live like this??


I am SOOOOO lost... I am trying. I am...And its NOT WORKING... I can deal with the parent crap to some extent...But not the rages...But I want my marriage to work... HELP HELP HELP!!!!





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