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Relationship Health Message Board

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Self Sabotage
Aug 24, 2007
I'm having a few issues right now with varioius family stuff and my own personal problems that belong in another board. Basically, i'm cutting off my boyfriend of unoficially a year. I love him so much but i can see what i'm doing to him and i cant see even more complications arising. We are in a long distance relationship and i have a habit of starting an arguemnt over nothing. I get down a lot and when he's not around to help me with that i get annoyed that he should be there for me. I know it's not his fault but i cause an argument anyway. He's in college but also recently has a job and an active social life which is meaning we cant see eachother very often. I miss him like crazy and i can see that me missing him causes more arguements. I told him all this today and explained that i need to let him go for his own sake because i'll just ruin us but he doesn't want to let go. I really REALLY do not want to lose him but i dont want to ruin his happiness either. He's 18 and i dont think he should have to be coping with any of my problems right now it's just not fair.

Should i persue this and let him go or am i doing the wrong thing? Or am i just talking rubbish? Any opinion helps, thanks.
Re: Self Sabotage
Aug 27, 2007
Why is it you are "feeling stuck once again"? What is it about the situation that makes you feel like an old married couple and he has let himself go? You are in a long distance relationship so I'm having trouble understanding how you feel this way. How often do you see eachother anyway?

You said in your first post that he is away at college and has a job and an active social life and you are basicly sitting at home and feeling down because he is not there for you the way he "should be". Well, he is giving you what he can right now. It is either good enough the way it is or you need to move on. I don't see what other choice there is. He has (I'm assuming) 4 more years of school to go and he needs to concentrate on that.

So my question to you is what are you doing? Are you in school or working? What about your social life? I would advise you to concentrate more on yourself and your goals rather than what your boyfriend can't give you. If you were happy with yourself then the fact that your boyfriend is trying to better himself wouldn't matter. You are the only one who is resposible for yourself. It's not fair to blame him for not being there just like it would be unfair for him to do that to you.

Who knows if it will work out with your boyfriend. The fact that you "feel stuck again" speaks volumes to me, but you are the only one who can decide what you should do about the situation. No matter what the future holds in your relationship you need to take control of your own life and learn how to make yourself happy. If you can't make yourself happy then nobody else will be able to.

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