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Relationship Health Message Board


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Dear friends,
I am posting on this site because I am in desperate need of advise on whether to accept the faith of my relationship and painstakingly move on or give in as I usally have been doing and call my bf... I want to be strong from now on and to do things a bit different than I would ordinarly do...so here goes the problem. I am sorry to make this long but i think some background info. will help you guys decide if I am the one with the problem or what is the deal.

I am 36 yrs, old, was very very unhappily married for about 6 years (i got married at 25 becuase i was desperate to keep my boyfriend from leaving me, also, i found out i was preganant) the marriage SUCKED, but I was too afraid to let go of it, eventhough he cheated and abused me physically and emotionally. I just didn't want to be a lone, worst I didn't want to feel defeated or be a failure. I went on to get preganant again at 27 years old. Nothing changed it only got worst the cheating, lying, fighting, etc. I had lost all sense of who i really was, my self esteem was non existing neither was my self confidence. Eventually, my husband left me for the secretary at his office, whom he had been having an affair with for the last three years. I was so so depressed and desperate to win him back but in the end I just couldn't. After we seperated in 2000, i did very little dating, as I just did not have luck finding anyone who were willing to be in a committed relationship with me or interested in dating someone with children. Again i was devastated. Finally in 2001, I met Kevin via the internet, at first i was skeptical but I gave it a try, I was lonely,. We talked for two months before finally meeting up, for him it was love at first site, so he claimed. We continued to date exclusively from then on. He was seperated from his wife (bad marriage as well) and also had two girls, each one year apart from my two. It was great, I began to fall in love deeply with him, especially after being intimate. Finally after 6 months into the relationship he told me that he was going to be moving back in with the wife, as he was suffering from not being with his children, who by the way were 4 and 5 years old. He tricked me becuase he told me this only days before he was ready to go. I stayed with him, eventhough i felt decieved. Again, I trapped myself into being in the relationship.

After spending just three months, he left his wife again and moved out, I stayed with him. Then just 7 months later he did the same thing to me and moved back in with the wife, I forgive him, again being devastated and depesperate for his love and attention. Finally in 2003, he moved out and filed for divorce. At this point I thought all would be well, but i was wrong, he would always get moody. When he came to my house, he was always angry or upset when he say my kids always wanting to be around me. He would pick fights with me and then leave without saying good bye, then he would call me two days later to apologize, or he would send me nasty emails. This type of behavior went on to this day. I continued to stay with him and kept saying to myself that one day I would leave him after I've had enough. That day never came for me, instead he decided to call it quits with me just last week.

Guys, I am so torn, heartbroken, depressed, desperate, etc,. you name it and I am feeling it for the last two weeks. I love him very much but I know that our relationship is very unhealty because of his constant behavioral changes, moody to ok, nasty, moody, controling, jealous ways. We got into an argument last week because he decided to go out to a party boat after work and never told me or invited me. I felt that after all these years and the fact he never has money to do anything with me, we should be going out to this event together. He told me that his friend bought him the ticket for $80 and he didn't tell me because we weren't talking, yet he had told my neighbor about his plan. It just so happens that my company was having a dinner party on one of the boat the following week and it was necessary for all the employees to attend. I told Kevin that I was going to a boat ride but it is sponsored by my company, also, i wasn't going to go becuawse it was my daughter's birthday. He yelled at me and then hung up the phone. I tried desperately to call him back but he would not answer then finally he answered me and told me to get lost. That was the last I have heard from him. To this day he has not made an attempt to call me or email me or make any contact with me whatsoever.

PLEAESE, PLEASE GIVE ME SOUND ADVISE...I AM SOOOO TEMPTEMTED TO CALL HIM OR EMAIL HIM TO ASK HIM IF HE LOVES ME AND IF HE IS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE, BUT I AM SO AFRAID OF GIVING IN AGAIN AND JUST BEING A TOTAL FOOL IN THE END. I AM TIRED OF GIVING THESE MEN IN MY LIFE THE UPPER HAND ON ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN ALL I'VE DONE IS TO TRY TO BE A GOOD HEARTED PERSON. SO FOLKS, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO I AM SOOOOO DESPERATE FOR ADVISE, AS I HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO COMFORT ME OR CONSOLE ME.





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