It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]You guys should be grateful that you're free from a pair of losers who play fast and loose with people's emotions. There's a part of me that thinks it would have been easier if my ex had simply said "it's not you, it's me" and we never spoke again. But despite how stupid and betrayed I feel that she cheated on me I am glad that she admitted it. I'm not saying that either of you have been cheated on, but that "nebulous" reasons are simply someone's way of ducking out of saying "I don't love you any more - there's somebody else". Except in very rare circumstances there's [I]always[/I] somebody else. You know this girls. If your respective partners were that great, why wouldn't they own up to this?

I personally don't recommend asking for the "truth". You won't get it and anything that's said by somebody who's breaking up with you is generally a load of tosh designed to make things easier for them. Don't waste your time and tears with it. Remember, it was me who was being told this kind of stuff a few months ago. Eventually something clicks and you realise that the best thing to do when things explode (note the UNKLE reference ;) ) is to walk away with your dignity intact. That's not the advice of a proud man. I don't have any shame having been brought up by a mother who can cause a scene in any environment. It's the advice of somebody who's realised that it's best to become self-reliant in these situations.

I hate being harsh to anybody who's hurting. I wanted to punch my mates who were telling me to forget my ex - who were they to tell me what to do and how to feel? But now, of course, I am glad that I heeded at least some of their advice. I'm just re-visiting the "reasons" that your ex gave for breaking up with you, [COLOR="Magenta"]Erin[/COLOR], and it really annoys me, for want of a stronger word. If he was worried that you were treading water but the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, then why didn't he plan an engagement to take things to the next level? His crying during the break up was undoubtedly based in the fact that he saw how much he was hurting you. I wish I hadn't given my ex the chance to shed those tears because they didn't mean anything. Just as when she sends me text messages to see if I'm okay; it's so patronising.

I know I'm coming across to you as "strong" and hard faced but I'm not really. I will say goodnight to my ex before I close my eyes in bed tonight. I don't know why but I sometimes do it because it seems like only yesterday that we fell asleep side by side. If I let go of silly little things like that I would probably move on faster. But there's a part of me that doesn't want to. I view relationships like a good meal - you don't tuck straight into the next one before you've had time to appreciate and digest the previous one. A part of me - thanks in part to my ex's criticisms of me - feels pressure to force myself to move on. But I'm not going to feel ashamed for having moments of reflection about my ex. Neither should you, [COLOR="Magenta"]Erin[/COLOR]. But as long as it's a healthy exercise and not in the context of hankering after somebody who clearly doesn't deserve your attention.

As usual I have rambled on but I just want you to know that I do understand how you feel and have your best interests at heart if I seem scathing of your mindset :cool:[/COLOR][/FONT]
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hey guys :) I'm sorry, [COLOR="Magenta"]Erin[/COLOR], I don't mean to hijack your thread but I figured here was a sensible place to post the latest with my ex. Today I asked out a girl at a local store and it turns out she has a boyfriend. So no luck there. But I am proud of myself for taking that step. Shortly after that I got a message from my ex to ask if I wanted to talk this evening. I resisted for a while but figured it couldn't do any harm.

We spoke for about an hour and I learned a lot about my ex's life which contradicted most of my suppositions. I think she's been messed around. Surprise, surprise. She sounded like the insecure girl I got to know eighteen months ago. She said she was fed up of work which is also the basis for her social life. She says all the guys are players who live with their parents and don't even have a car. I guess the guy with whom she cheated on me played her and suddenly doesn't seem such an attractive proposition anymore. She went on to say that she sometimes thinks about what a great boyfriend I was and how she is sure that I will make another girl very happy in due course. It was flattering but I was careful not to let her reel me in completely.

At the end of the conversation, however, she pulled her sucker punch. She wanted me to promise not to read anything into what she was about to say and I said I couldn't promise but she should say it anyway. She said she was feeling upset a few days ago and really missed me and wanted a cuddle from me, and only me. I told her I sometimes felt that way too :rolleyes: We said good night and she said "speak soon", which is what she said the last time we spoke over a month ago...

So there you go, [COLOR="Magenta"]Erin[/COLOR] - that's what happens when you maintain contact! [COLOR="Magenta"]~Tyger~[/COLOR], your intuition is tuned to perfection. I agree that she's not deliberately winding me up. I know I should tell her that I don't want to hear from her, but when she talks like this I can't help but entertain the possiblity that we might one day meet up again :( However, I'm determined not to put my life on hold while she resolves in her head if that's what she wants - I'm on holiday next week and I am one hundred percent single!

[COLOR="Magenta"]Erin[/COLOR], when you imagine other people and your ex having a fantastic time, remind yourself that the reality is probably less exotic. Fantastic parties only happen in films and during college years! I am sorry to hear that the news of the barbecue made you cry. I know what it's like to feel emotional at work and it's really not what you need. Do you confide in your colleagues? During my last break up I eventually enlisted the help of all my female colleagues and they all convinced me that I was better off without my ex :D

I guess that best answers your question: how do you move forward? You have to, have to, [I]have to[/I] enlist the support of your friends. I didn't do that at the beginning of that previous break up because it was all new to me and I was too proud to let other people in. But when it happened again I knew that I had to surround myself with family and friends. Alone time is a real no no. If you find yourself day dreaming or crying or looking at old photos or whatever, then immediately call one of your friends and arrange to do something. It always helps! Have you got many male friends? They will be good for your ego!

Thank you for the quote, [COLOR="Magenta"]~Tyger~[/COLOR]. I fully understand and appreciate it. I think I have told you guys before that there's a massive part of me that is full of expectation for the next adventure with the new girl. And that is a far more exciting prospect than getting back together with my ex. To be honest, as she droned on over the phone, I found myself wondering why I was bothering to listen :D It would have been nice to have had a conversation with that girl I asked out today instead, but there'll be another girl soon and eventually I'll find a single one who's interested :)

Just remind yourself, [COLOR="Magenta"]Erin[/COLOR], that it is perfectly possible for you to feel about somebody new the way you felt about your ex. Love is essentially nothing more than a manifestation of electrical impulses; once we experience it we crave it, and it is natural to crave the most recent experience. But when you break the cycle and take a chance on someone new, you will feel it again - but in a whole new way :) I promise you now that you will one day understand what I'm wittering on about! I don't mean to sound patronising because I'm sure you know this for yourself, but at times like this we all need reminding.[/COLOR][/FONT]





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:00 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!