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Hey all.. Well it seems that when I think I've found the "perfect" guy, there is always something for me to be worrying about. Well I was on his web page today and saw messages to and from a girl named "melissa". He kind of gave me his password awhile ago when I was at his house but I don't think he knew I remembered it but I did.. and I know it's wrong but every couple weeks I can't help myself but to log in and just see if he's doing anything. Up until now there has been nothing but today these messages to Melissa kind of have me worried but I am unsure if I should be concerned and just assume it's nothing. This girl lives about 4 hours away from where we live but from looking at here page I see that she graduated in our county so I assume that's how he knows her. Here is what was said. Well the first message from her to him with just a picture of herself. It was innocent and that picture is now on her page.

Him:Why don't you have it on your page? You should send me a naked pic..lol
Her: It's on my page darlin.. just couldn't get it in my default.. NO nudes :)
Him: Huh? I wonder why.. What's new? I'll be in fredericksburg and mechanicsville around 5am. (he's a truck driver and going on a trip to her state tonight)
Her: Is that near here (marion)?
Him: Shoot I don't know, what major highways are you near?
Her: (she says the highways she is near and tells him to look it up online)
Him: Nope I just looked at my map. I go into southern VA but it's south east to like VA beach and stuff. Sorry babe!
Her: :(

No to me it sounds like they don't really talk much since he wrote "what's new".. he has never told me about her and he has told me about most of his friends.. Her status on her page says "in a relationship" and so does his, he told her about a month ago that he was seeing me. Should I be upset with this dialog or am I over thinking it? Could it be that he was just going to stop for a friendly visit? I was in a very distrustful relationship before which is why I am think everything is bad but I am trying sooooooooo hard to make this relationship work, he's so good to me, so I don't want to take anything out of context if this is just innocent. Thanks for anyone who can help.
Err.. I wouldn't even be worried at first about the 'is that near here' talk - why the heck was he asking her for nude photos? O.o

Doesn't sound like you have a lot of trust in him (to be checking his ******* in the first place... I know the urge can be great but...) and doesn't sound like he's all that trustworthy, imo. Nothing screams "appropriate" in that dialogue. I don't joke w/ my male friends about sending them naked pictures ... what the..?
Destea.. thanks for your reply.. I was actually more worried about the potential of him going to see her than the naked pic comment.. I balled my eyes out when I read all of this but then i tried to rationalize it in my head and I don't know if I did that because I like this guy so much or because it's no big deal.. I don't know whether to dump him or what.. I'm so confused
I wish I had some solid advice for you. It's easy to sit here and say "DUMP HIM!" as I sit safely in my relationship - but I know that's not something that would come easily for most women in a relationship.

I'm sure it's harder because you found this out by 'snooping', which makes it easy for people to flip the blame (EG: "I know I did this wrong but OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LOGGED INTO MY PRIVATE ACCOUNT HOW COULD YOU!").

Let me say first off, I've been guilty of snooping once or twice in my time (though I don't really expect or look for anything bad, more just 'oooh what's THIS :D!" it's bad), so you're not alone there. Sure, it's better to just trust but dang, he sure proved your instincts (checking up on him in the first place) right on some level, huh?

Really sucks you had to discover this cadish behavior in such a difficult way... I really don't know the best way to bring this up, or walk away without saying anything, or just have a blow out argument about it. I'd say if you did talk to him, try to avoid letting him turn it back around on 'what you did'. This is about what he did and obviously he did something wrong and got busted. He can try to make you feel guilty all you like, but I think he appears (and I say appears because who really knows right?) to be the one doing the major wrong doing here.

Being as I am, I'd probably print the IM's out, and bring them with me the next time I went over :)
Hi skittley :)

I guess it depends alot on his usual behaviour - and your intuitions. Do you find him to be a ladies man, or more introverted? Has he done anything else over your time together which you've found suspicious? What impression do you get about how 'into you' he is? These are all important questions to get the overall picture of a man, before passing any judgement or jumping to conclusions when you may have nothing to worry about!

If not for the first line about the naked pics, I wouldn't really have worried in the slightest. Its really only that line that causes any eyebrow raising, in my opinion. And even with that -- I have male friends who joke alot like that, but mean absolutely nothing by it. Then, of course, he 'could' be being a bit shifty, but you know for a fact that he hasn't yet (due to the 'whats news' line), so its all speculation at the moment, and no need for you to go prematurely running to the hills.

Maybe bring her up in conversation and see what kind of reaction you get first, and take it from there. And give us a clearer idea of his overall personality, and any relationship history you know of. He is the long-term, settled kind of guy? Or used to being single and free?
Hi Skittley!:)
I wouldn't venture an opinion on this because only you "know' him. I agree with Tyger, however, that if I were you, I would consider first what kind of person he is and whether he is overtly friendly and chatty and whether he has had lots of girlfriends and where he found them. On the last one, it would be important in my opinion, to see whether he had met his previous girlfirends while travelling or on the web.
Talk to him and sass him out. But do not make a scene.THere is no point since he will deny everything and you will have to defend yourself. Try to draw him out in another way. Ask him other questions which should give you the answers you want. eg. Have you ever made good friends with people you meet during your travels? Or, Do you find it hard to be alone travelling all this time? Do you find that chatting on the web is worthwhile and that you can really meet people? etc etc. etc or words to that effect.

Good luck:)
don't be naive.....it most certainly is inappropriate messages for someone in a relationship.....sounds like they're gonna hook up.....
[QUOTE]don't be naive.....it most certainly is inappropriate messages for someone in a relationship.....sounds like they're gonna hook up.....[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what I was thinking too...there is nothing appropriate for a man in a relationship to be hooking up with some woman behind the back of his GF and asking her for nude pictures? I'm very surprised by the nonchalant replies(attitudes) to this behavior? My hubby did that and I found it I'd be filing for a divorce the next day! Noone's going to play me for a fool!!!!!
[QUOTE=skittley80;3180400]

No to me it sounds like they don't really talk much since he wrote "what's new".. he has never told me about her and he has told me about most of his friends.. Her status on her page says "in a relationship" and so does his, he told her about a month ago that he was seeing me. Should I be upset with this dialog or am I over thinking it? Could it be that he was just going to stop for a friendly visit? I was in a very distrustful relationship before which is why I am think everything is bad but I am trying sooooooooo hard to make this relationship work, he's so good to me, so I don't want to take anything out of context if this is just innocent. Thanks for anyone who can help.[/QUOTE]

sounds like you're making excuses for him......he's not that good to you......
maybe you can't see it from your angle, but from this angle, it's pretty clear.......why are you settling for this?
The whole thing is totally inappropriate!

If he doesn't know her that well then why is he "joking" about nude pics and seeing if she's close enough to his route to stop by .. at 5AM???

If he does know her well enough to "joke" about nude pics and be stopping by to see her then why don't you know about her?

IMHO, this has "casual hook-up" written ALL over it no matter which way you slice it.

If you really want to talk to him about it and not admit the snooping, why not casually bring up what he does when he's working (i.e. out driving the truck?). Ask if he stops to see people, makes new friends, sees people he's met online??? If he blatently lies (i.e. doesn't admit anything that sounds like the convo with this chick) then you have your answer don't you?
this is exactly why I really have no problem with snooping, and I really don't think there's anything wrong with using any means necessary to find out exactly what you're getting into and what your future holds.

I know you want to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt, but one thing that's kind of nagging at me, you said he "kind of" gave you his password, what does that mean? He either gave it to you or he didn't. Now, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer and I'm still a relative relationship novice, but I think what I would do, is simply ask him "who is *her name* and why were you asking her for nude photos of herself and why were you trying to see if she is where you were going to be?" And if he asks how you knew, I'd just say "well, you gave me your password, remember?" and if he does anything other than totally coming clean with you and promising never to try to see her again, I'd run, not walk, to the nearest door and out of his life. but I'm older and less patient and tolerant, and too used to my life the way it is to allow someone else to come along and create drama and mess it up for me.
I'm with her :)

Like I said haha, I'd print out the pages, toss them on his lap with a quirked eyebrow and ask "So, who's Melissa?"
I know I'm jumping in late here but I had to say that yes, it is 100% inappropriate behavior for a man (or woman) in a relationship.

It's not even the naked picture thing (although that is a big deal) it's the whole possibiltiy of him meeting up with her. He's a truck driver and now you see this. You wonder if he is seeing other women passing through town and then all trust is gone.

Why not just ask him who Melissa is and see if he squirms?
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3181794] I'm still a relative relationship novice, but I think what I would do, is simply ask him "who is *her name* and why were you asking her for nude photos of herself and why were you trying to see if she is where you were going to be?" And if he asks how you knew, I'd just say "well, you gave me your password, remember?" and if he does anything other than totally coming clean with you and promising never to try to see her again, I'd run, not walk, to the nearest door and out of his life.[/QUOTE]

I agree with this 100%. I would rather be upfront and ask him flat out what the heck is going on than to tiptoe around the issue as Amy suggested, which to me is really not effective at all. Might as well not say anything if you're not going to be direct and upfront about it. And if you don't feel like you can be direct, then it's probably not the right relationship for you, anyway.





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