It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Hi kkmom :wave:,

I think the first question you have to ask yourself is what is your [I]true[/I] motive for wanting your ex-fiance back? Would you feel this way if he didn't have a new girlfriend who professed her love for him in only 2 weeks?

If you would in fact feel this way regardless of whether or not he had a new girlfriend then I think you need to tell him how you feel. Sometimes we don't realize what we have until it is gone. But you have to realize too that he tried to get you back and you said no. He may very well see your professing your love as a way to keep him from moving on with his life. If you do decide to tell him you made a huge mistake by breaking it off then you are going to have to be prepared for him telling you that you are too little too late.

If you would not feel this way if your ex were still single then you just need to keep moving on. Sometimes we want what we can't have, and in this case it would be your ex. Trying to get him back only because you don't want to see him with someone else is unfair. He did what you told him to do and he deserves to be happy. His relationship could very well be a rebound thing, but if you truly do not want to be with him then that is none of your business. Be a friend to him and support him or cut contact with him and move on. You can't have it both ways.

So kkmom, put this new girl out of the picture. How do you feel about your ex-fiance? What has changed between you and him that makes you think it will work this time? Do you think he can be the support system you need? Do you feel that you are truly better off being with him? Think long and hard about these things before you make a move.

I know you are in a tough position hon. It is never easy to see an ex move on, especially with someone who seems a little "quick to fall in love", but it does happen. Please be sure that you really want him before you talk to him. Don't ruin his trying to move on and be happy if you are just going to break up with him again in 6 months. Make sure you are being fair to the both of you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Keep us posted on what happens.
Thanks happymom and tarheel, that is a really good question you asked and I never thought about it that way. The thing with me was when we broke it off in may i was having alot of problems and stress in my life. I was sick and in alot of pain, the meds I was on changed my personality and I was always mean and grouchy to him. I remember telling my mom about some of the problems(by the way I will never do that again), she suggested to give us a week off to reevaluate the relationship, I told him and he did not want to at first, but then he did. He went to vegas that week so it gave me alot of time to thing about things. Problem was I was so sick I came to stay with my parents and I must off mouth off too much of the problems we had in our relationship. So they immediately did not like him, to be truthful they never really did and they never gave him a chance, they said he was trying to hard to fit in. So after 2 days of being home and with my mental state clearly not intake due to the meds, I decided to end it. I beleive the reason was I felt he was not as supportive of me while being sick(later spoke to him and he said it was hard because I was a different person not the person he fell in love with). I text him to tell him of my decession and he did not want me to tell him anything, we were suppose to meet up that monday and talk.

Well, monday came and I never answered the phone he called all day and even called my parents(dad said dont call here anymore) and I texted and told him I dont want to be with him without really talking to him face to face, I turned my cell off, and eventually changed my number. Now I think back on it it was terrible what I did to him really, that was not a proper way to break up with someone you are engaged to. His messages were so hard to hear, he was begging and pleading for me to stay, even crying, he tried to text before I changed the number and after I changed it it was silence for about 3 weeks.

Now fast forward, I could not imagine how he felt, I would not ever do what I did to him to another person , the poor man did not deserve what I did to him. I finally called him one day and he was so surprised to hear from me, but I kept it cool, it was like all the love I had for him was drained. I told him I wanted to meet up with him so I could tell him why i broke up with him and even that day he still wanted me back. I looked him in the eyes and told him to move on. During this time we kept in contact as friends. Also, I started weaning off the meds and started feeling better believe it or not and thats when I realized what I had done. I called him and told him how I felt and that I made a mistake, he told me he is not a light switch, he cant be turned on and off. This is before the new girl was in the picture, but she came into the picture maybe about a week or 2 later. Im not going to lie it was like i was shot in the heart and my life my love was gone 4 ever. I cried for him day and night, I guess I was getting a taste of my own medicine. He told me how nice she was and did not think he could gamble with me, because of what i did 2 him.

So, now here I am trying to move on and meet new people, but I am torn inside and its all my fault. Guys I love him and i wanted him way before she came into the picture. Now she is there its nothing I can do. We talk and I know he still loves me but he cant trust me in what i may do to him. He said you know how faithful I am with the girl I am with and he is. He does not want to meet up with me just yet because he feels he may be weak and make a mistake. He says I still love you and always will, I know he cares but guys I feel like I have lost him 4ever.

It is so hard for me to stomach all of this and also I moved back him during this and it has been a nightmare, he told me about how he would pass by my old house thinking I was there so he could talk to me. That never happened. Now here I am 32 at home, having all these memories of him. Everything reminds me of him, this is so hard. I know I have to back off, he is like spending the night at her house every night and the man who once dropped everything for me is not there, I was his life you know, maybe i did not know what to do with someone so clingy, never had a man like that. I usually chased them or cared more, but it was turned around with him.

Sorry for the long thread just had to get it off my chest, I cry as i write this because I hurt alot, but I know its over and I cannot be in control anymore:( :(
Ugh... what a hard place to be in.

It's good, you know, that you realized finally how much pain and unfairness you put that poor guy through. You can't really blame him for being scared of walking back into a relationship with you after all that... but he obviously still cares for you a great deal. Sounds like this girl could definitely have rebound written all over her :(

I agree with happymom on the letter idea... I think without seeing you or seeing something so heartfelt IN PERSON it's probably very difficult for him to trust you after how badly you broke his heart. It's only been relatively short time for such a big heart break. It's going to probably really take some effort on your part to show him your sincerity and how very sorry you are for what you did. Try not to totally use the meds as scapegoat, even though it's very realistic that they changed your attitude - you're doing right by it now, regardless of why.

Definitely think long and hard about WHY you broke up with him in the first place, and be 100% sure that you want to really open this chapter back up before getting him involved in the process, I think if you were to get back and break up with him again ... ouch.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:48 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!