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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=Chez19;3192386]There is another side to this though. He's not a jerk: He cycles (mood). Ive known him for 3 years and in this time it's been... a few months of life is great, followed by another few months of life is pain. This is generally when he starts smoking, and when he quits it is MUCH worse. Usually they are 6 month cycles but this time it has only been 3 months. He used to be on anit depressants when he was 15 so i'm thinking there is something else going on here.[/QUOTE]

With cycles like that he could very well be bipolar. Have you ever asked or has he ever told you why he was on anti-depressants?

[QUOTE=Chez19]Its not only me he does it to. He does it with everything. One down period, the first I experienced when we were together, he cut off all of his friends for 6 months. He was a homebody and had nothing going on in his life apart from me. He pushes people away during these "downs" and naturally i'm the first one to cop it.[/QUOTE]

Just because you are the only one he does it to doesn't make it right. You don't deserve to be at the recieving end of his issues. He needs to know how it makes you feel and he needs to get it taken care of.

[QUOTE=Chez19]I think I may have to focus on helping him treat the problem before just cutting him straight off. I think it needs to be, get some therapy and try to address the real issue here, or accept the fact that I will have to walk away if this continues.[/QUOTE]

Well, I hope you are not going to sit there and hold his hand while he continues to treat you this way. You need to put it in a way that lets him know that either he gets help or your gone. If he chooses not to get help then you should stand by those words and leave. Facing that he may in fact lose you may be the push he needs to take care of this recurring problem.

[QUOTE=Chez19]In terms of my position in the relationship, he definitely thinks I would never leave him, which is probably why he thinks he can get away with the rude mistreatment. Unfortunately, for the most part of our relationship I did form an unhealthy dependence on him which is why he thinks I'd never leave. I have been on anti-anxiety medication for the past 3 months and am feeling really great. I told him last night that any preconceptions he had about me hanging around forever are very incorrect, and that i'm much more independent now than he would like to think. I think I should exert this independence and show him i'm not afraid to walk away from a not nice situation.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly why you need to put it to him like I said, and not be affraid to walk out the door if he thinks you are bluffing. He needs to know that he really will lose you. Don't let your words and feelings be empty. You need to prove it to him.

[QUOTE=Chez19]Ironically, it seems I am dating my father. My mum has had the same treatment for 26 years.[/QUOTE]

Very interesting. How did that turn out? Did you talk to your mother to see what she would say about this?

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