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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE]To be totally honest with you Gypsy, based on the content of a lot of posts of yours which I've read, I think you have a mentality which cannot possibly be conducive to honest and healthy relationships as it seems to be utterly devoid of an appreciation for the necessity of honesty and trust, which are the cornerstones of healthy relationships.[/QUOTE]

Oh without a doubt honesty and trust are very important aspects of relationships. Of course. It is true that I am currently in a relationship yet carrying on an affair. It's not like I WANT to cheat on a partner. I have tried to extricate myself from the relationship. But it turns out my boyfriend is a little bit of a psycho. He's threatened that if I leave him then he will come after me and whoever I leave him for. I don't doubt that he will turn very nasty. He's obsessive. So I'm just trying to delay the inevitable I guess. It's not like I encourage shiftiness.

[QUOTE]Why would you do that? Why not just be honest from the off and tell him you were into porn and didn't intend to stop looking at it? Do you not realise the damage you do to your own union when you strip it of trust in this way?[/QUOTE]

Yes, it would have been best for your boyfriend to tell you from the start that he did not plan to stop looking at porn. But I'm sure he didn't want to lose you over something that is, to him, trivial. That is the big difference here. You view porn as a very big deal and he doesn't. You consider it a personal attack and he doesn't...so he has NO CLUE how it can offend you so.

I don't encourage partners to lie to each other. I just consider the viewing of porn as something private, something personal, something that has [I]nothing to do [/I]with one's signifigant other. I don't think it is in the same league as having an affair.

What is wrong, to [I]me[/I], is a person trying to tell their SO what they can and cannot do. Coming into a relationship I don't think either person should alter themselves or stop enjoying what they've always enjoyed before the relationship. I don't think they should change at all, or be expected to change.

I'm just trying to say that...I don't think your boyfriend meant to cause you so much pain. It wasn't a big deal to him. He seems to have the same prickliness that I do when it comes to fearing someone is trying to control them. But considering all that you have been through, this just may be the end of the road :(





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