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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=happymom28;3201623]I don't care what you did, I'm sure it doesn't even come close to that! She can use whatever excuse she wants to justify her actions. At the end of the day you were a loving and faithful and that just wasn't good enough for her.[/QUOTE]

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="darkorchid"]Hey, [COLOR="Magenta"]happymom28[/COLOR] :cool: When I refer to my mistakes I mean errors of judgment in the tough decisions we had to make together. Like I said, Natalie refers to me as a great boyfriend. I guess being too nice was my biggest mistake. Natalie's justification for her actions was basically to trample all over my personality; I never gave her a stick to beat me with.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[QUOTE=happymom28;3201623]As far as the guys at the wedding, well, I wouldn't worry too much about them. I have known guys who will say these things around other guys just to appear more macho. They are just words and I'm willing to bet most (but not all) didn't mean it.[/QUOTE]

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="darkorchid"]I hope you're right. However, I know for a fact that the guy who made the quip about affairs has had at least one affair, because he told me about it nearly two years ago. It wasn't even like he told me to get it off his chest; he used it as an example as to how relationships are never monogomous. The younger guy who was being cynical used to be a steady relationship but it fell apart and now his mission is to sleep with all and sundry (his favoured weekend pursuit is "pull the fat bird"). I don't want to turn into him.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[QUOTE=happymom28;3201623]Also EV, I think what Brook said here is pretty true. You just need to keep telling yourself that you are the real catch and that it is her loss. After all, she is calling you for the ego boost, isn't she? Next time don't feed her the lines she needs or, better yet, don't pick up the telephone. Wouldn't she be surprised to find out you are sitting around waiting for her?[/QUOTE]

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Thank you, I do try to tell myself that. There's a Scott Walker song, [I]Stay With Me Baby[/I], where he starts out by asking "Baby, wasn't I there? Didn't I take good care of you? I can't believe you'd really leave - stay with me baby", and ends up resolving "Baby, what did I do? Maybe I was just too good for you?".

I've got to remind myself that I really did nothing wrong. I was the one who meant it when I said I wanted to be with Natalie forever; whereas, she was just stringing me along while it suited her. When I think about it in those terms I wonder why I ever give her the time of day, let alone lend a sympathetic ear. I will try to remember this feeling.

By the way, my music taste is fairly eclectic - Scott Walker is just one of the artists I listen to ;)[/COLOR][/FONT]

[QUOTE=Erin94402;3202792]from the outsiders' perspective, she's reaching out when she needs comfort and it throws you for a tailspin each time, but it serves her the ego boost she wants and then she's gone again until the next time she wants a compliment.

I think it might be helpful to either not take her calls for awhile or to confront her and tell her that you care for her, will be here if she truly needs you, but that you need to break from her to get over her and you want to be friends one day, but cannot do it now. It could help. Hang in there.[/QUOTE]

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hey, [COLOR="Magenta"]Erin[/COLOR] :) Thanks for your reply. You're obviously right when you say that my ex only reaches out for me when she wants an ego boost. I just get confused by it every time :dizzy: The thing is I try to put myself in her shoes and I can't understand why she would call me and say the kind of things that she says. Firstly, it's incredibly selfish and, secondly, why would she want an ego boost from [I]me[/I]? I am the person who she chose to reject; by implication my compliments count for nothing to her, surely?

I wanted to talk to Natalie tonight before I go away on holiday and she promised me yesterday that she would call. She just sent me a text message to say she's sorry to break the promise but she's gone out for drinks after work and thinks it's best if we don't talk. So the tables have been turned and now I'm the one who looks insecure. I'm really not bothered by that, but I am disappointed that Natalie whisked away her "promise". She even said "hope we are still friends" :rolleyes: I was going to reply but I really couldn't be bothered to give her the satisfaction.

I'm going to do my best to forget about this whole episode on my holiday. This time last week Natalie was relegated firmly to the back of my memory; hopefully that will be the case this time next week. Then if I hear from Natalie any time soon I'm going to think very carefully before answering the phone to her again.[/COLOR][/FONT]

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