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Ahhh...well that's a little tougher when you have someone specific in mind as it all depends on the individual. For example, our friend dma here wouldn't do it and I've met other women who just knew they couldn't do it without getting attached and therefore wouldn't do it, others that didn't want any kind of relationship and were very into it, and still others that once the relationship side of things fizzled or wouldn't happen were still into getting together for the sex. Not that that is what I was looking for at all, and dma, I've never done a one night thing either...always been at least one other time.

So, Matt. I really don't know. I think dma is right in that you need to be upfront about not wanting a relationship then if the two of you do go ahead with things then you know it isn't a serious thing.
(eek! dma did you read what I just said there!?)

I also think you need to be prepared for it to not last too long though, since chances are one or both of you will still be looking around.
Most women [I]aren't[/I] after just sex, much to the chagrin of many men :) I've had one night stands and they are incredible because to me, the first time you sleep with a person is the best time - all the newness. A lot of women would take offense to the suggestion that you have a relationship based on sex and nothing else.

You can't actually say to a woman "Is it okay if I use you just to get my physical needs met? " Ahaha. There has to be a mutual burning physical attraction...and you would know if there was, I assume.

When I was younger, like 18-21, I found myself in friend-with-benefits situations over and over again by default. Everytime a guy friend wanted to sleep with me I'd be all "Ooooh, he likes me! He's going to be my boyfriend!" Except, not. Ahaha.

Now that I'm older I currently have a friend with benefits, and I knew going in what the score was. We started off as acquaintances, and before long I was craaaaaazy attracted to him. I knew that he didn't want to get stuck in another relationship because he's been burned pretty bad in the past. It's hard for me sometimes to see him so infrequently, but I know it's a good thing because if I saw him all the time I would get bored, like I inevitably do.

Most of the time, though FWB is playing with fire because when you have all of that intimacy, it's a given that one person is going to end up getting attached. And then you'll have nothing but drama. Maybe it would be wiser to look online or in classified ads for women who specify that they are just looking for a good time.
Several years ago I met guy similar to what you described--no dating--just very attracted and always ended up in bed--only he was someone I worked with, so I knew him a little. We were VERY physically attracted to one another.......he didn't want anything more...I'd never done the FWB before and I found that I'm just not the type of girl to have ongoing sex and not want love to get there eventually. I tried to "legitimize" my mistake by getting a friendship going....a walk in the park, SOMETHING....it just wasn't happening. We had nothing in common other than wanting to tear each other's clothes off. To this day, whenever we see each other in public, the urge to steal off into the nearest dark corner to have sex is there...the physical chemistry never left...it's just I need to feel as if a connection is based on something more. It felt cheap to me.
I think what I've realized about the 'firends with benefits' thing is that some guys give off the vibe that they are the type to get involved in one and others do not and women will pick up on that. Guys may do the approaching, but women ultimately do the choosing. With that in mind, what I've learned about women is that most of them like to put men in a category. Not all women are up for one night stands and casual sex, but the ones that are will basically look at you like, "this guy is date worthy, this guy is marriage and kids worthy, this guy is one night stand worthy, and this guy is friends with benefits worthy." If a girl considers you to be 'friends with benefits' worthy, she also has to be in that place in life where she actually wants that. She might not at the time you meet her, so It's really about catching her at the right time when your intentions and her intentions are inline. There really is no secret to it other than that.

Of course, you can always act like a player and fool a girl wanting a relationship into thinking things are going somewhere when your actual intentions are to never allow that. In that case, you could literally have a casual sex relationship with her for months without her ever knowing about it. That's being pretty dishonest and low though, so I hope you won't consider doing that.

Trust me though, this casual sex thing is not all it's cracked up to be and often causes your life much more hassle and trouble than it's worth. I was strictly a relationship type guy for the longest time before I would even consider just having a casual thing and the more I did it, the more I hated myself for it.

I'll explain what I mean...these things never end with a handshake and a 'take care of yourself'. No, the truth of the matter is that it's doomed to come to end and that ending will cause pain. Think it won't? Guess again. The way these things end are always in the form of either being blown off completely out of the blue one day and never hearing from her again, a big fight over whether or not you should actually get together, the 'OMG I think I'm pregnant' scare, or 'I just found out I have an STD'.

Some of that seems pretty funny, but believe me it's no joke. These things can and do happen EVERYDAY. There is A LOT more risk in getting involved with someone you don't intend to ever love than there is for someone you do.

It sounds like the women in your life consider you to be a relationship kind of guy...well, consider yourself lucky, my friend. That will take you a lot farther in life than being a player or a piece of man meat. ;)





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