It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hey Everybody,

I have posted here back in the day about how my boyfriend had some issues. Long story short, he has made leaps and bounds to keep me around. He has realized that I will not tolerate that behavior and that he really needs to grow up. Like I said, he has gone through so much...

That is not why I am posting today. I dont even know if this is the right place to post it. Please hear me out...

My boyfriend has a 2 year old from his previous relationship. They never got married and they have both went their separate ways. They did not go through court either. She has called all the shots since their split up. Alyssa, my boyfriend's daughter, stays with her mom 90 percent of the time. She has even decided that we only get to see her on the weekends. PERIOD. My boyfriend has gone along with that and he has been paying child support - willingly.

His ex has some issues. For starters, she is a 24 year old who has a 16 (17 year old) boyfriend. We personally don't like that idea. Secondly, she CANNOT hold a steady job. She will work for a week and quit. She never really needed to have a job since she is spoiled. Her grandmother took care of her and everything she wanted in life was just handed to her. Third, she bounces back and forth from her grandmother's house (who supports her since she doesnt work) to her 17 year old's mother's house.

My boyfriend has learned all this and he has also learned that she does not spend the child support that he gives her every two weeks on the child. She drops the daughter to our house on the weekend and when he gives her the money - she is all dressed up with her friends ready to go party. He has even spoken to his ex's grandmother offering her the child support since she is taking care of his daughter and his ex. the granmother refused. she says that will cause problems.

My boyfriend has now decided he wants his child half of the time. He doesnt approve of how his ex bounces back and forth and how she brings the child around her young boyfriend. The ex ofcourse refuses to let my boyfriend have the child half of time because she know that if we get her half of the time, she will not receive child support.

Im feeling extremely stressed out since I had to talk to his ex and she is far from rational. I just feel so frustrated and upset because I am in this. I am affected and it is my problem in the sense that I live with him and Alyssa is part of my life as well. On the other side, its not my problem and I cannot do anything since Alyssa is not my child. This is a battle I cannot win or do anything about!!!

Im so frustrated... and we dont know what to do! Right now we have the child for ten days. His ex agreed that we can alternate weeks. That didnt last too long. She called last night saying she wants her child. My boyfriend doesnt want to hand Alyssa since he is concerned that his ex will run off and not give her back. In reality, she can take Alyssa and my boyfriend can call the cops and they wont be able to do anything about it. Since they both have equal rights.

My bf has spoken to a lawyer. The problem is he used to smoke pot and he wont be able to pass a drug test NOW if he decided to take her to court for an emergency hearing.

Im just so stressed and its just causing so much tension. Can somebody give me advice?
Look into South Carolina's common law marriage. IF they lived together before and after the child was conceived then they might be considered common law man and wife. If that is the case then he might be able to use that to go around that law. I would double check that law anyway cause it doesnt make a whole lot of sense just to make sure the lawyer knows what he is talking about.
As for hiring a PI I would hold off and look into doing a lot of the diggin on your own. Sort of like letting the lawyer look up all the ex's past employment. The more work you leave to the lawyer the higher his/her fees get. Trust me on this. I did a lot of the work when I was trying to prevent my brother's ex from stealling his son. Lucky me my brother kept a lot of things jotted down just in case. But I did do a lot fo work for hte lawyer. The lawyer was a bit shocked and said we didnt have to but it did save us some money since he nor his staff had to do the work. This go around my brother spent about 6 grand to make sure he kept his son. The lawyer told him that if he had done all the paperwork nad tracking info down about the ex the price would have jumped to about 10 grand if not higher. So do as much as you can on your own. Such as the listing her past employment. Get any hospital records on the child that you can. Get records of her dr appts to make sure the child is getting regular check ups along with proper vaccines. If you do tape record any encounters iwth the mother transcribe them yourself so you have teh tape and written copies.
For PI stuff like following her to see what she is up to talk to friends and family that she doesnt know and see if they can offer help in doing that.
I learned a lot not only because my Aunt got custody of my brother and I but also when I had take care of my nephew while my brother was deployed. Then with the divorce rate with the military you learn alot to from various friends having to protect their kids.
Dont give up hope. It is a huge thing to take on but if you focus solely on the child and what is best for her then it makes it all worth it.
[QUOTE=Blastoff9600;3205220]Look into South Carolina's common law marriage. IF they lived together before and after the child was conceived then they might be considered common law man and wife. If that is the case then he might be able to use that to go around that law. I would double check that law anyway cause it doesnt make a whole lot of sense just to make sure the lawyer knows what he is talking about.
As for hiring a PI I would hold off and look into doing a lot of the diggin on your own. Sort of like letting the lawyer look up all the ex's past employment. The more work you leave to the lawyer the higher his/her fees get. Trust me on this. I did a lot of the work when I was trying to prevent my brother's ex from stealling his son. Lucky me my brother kept a lot of things jotted down just in case. But I did do a lot fo work for hte lawyer. The lawyer was a bit shocked and said we didnt have to but it did save us some money since he nor his staff had to do the work. This go around my brother spent about 6 grand to make sure he kept his son. The lawyer told him that if he had done all the paperwork nad tracking info down about the ex the price would have jumped to about 10 grand if not higher. So do as much as you can on your own. Such as the listing her past employment. Get any hospital records on the child that you can. Get records of her dr appts to make sure the child is getting regular check ups along with proper vaccines. If you do tape record any encounters iwth the mother transcribe them yourself so you have teh tape and written copies.
For PI stuff like following her to see what she is up to talk to friends and family that she doesnt know and see if they can offer help in doing that.
I learned a lot not only because my Aunt got custody of my brother and I but also when I had take care of my nephew while my brother was deployed. Then with the divorce rate with the military you learn alot to from various friends having to protect their kids.
Dont give up hope. It is a huge thing to take on but if you focus solely on the child and what is best for her then it makes it all worth it.[/QUOTE]

Good point, I didn't consider the financial aspect of things. Sorry OP! Again, Blastoff9600 has some great ideas. Definately listen to her. It seems she knows what she is talking about.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:44 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!