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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

This isn't about who's right and who's wrong. Your girlfriend doesn't like someone you were once inside hanging around you (and just for the record, I wouldn't like it at all either. Once two people have had sex, it's very very easy for them to have sex again, one night, too much to drink, or your gf's away, you're both feeling sentimental and horny, etc. I don't consider it a matter of trust, the potential and temptation is just too great.)

But anyway, your girlfriend doesn't want it. You need to talk to her and find out just how much of a deal breaker is it. If she will leave you for it, or be angry and pissy and make your life a living nightmare until you get rid of the ex, then you have to make a choice, is having the ex in your life and not letting anyone tell you how to live more important, or is keeping your girlfriend happy? I personally think it depends on how much you love your girlfriend. If hanging onto some ex lover is more important to you than keeping your current lover happy, then you must not love your current lover that much, and it's probably best that she know that about you now. My ex boyfriend hur tme very deeply and broke my heart, and just one "I'm sorry" from him I think would go a long way to healing me. I'm not interested in being his friend, or messing up what he has with his wife now, or anything. I just want to know that he didn't mean to hurt me and feels badly that I was caused so much pain by his lies, just one "I'm sorry." But to him, it doesn't matter. I'm in his past, and his wife would get mad if we were ever even in the same room together, even for a little bit, or if he were ever to speak to me at all again. So he doesn't. And I will never know if it's because solely because she'd be mad, or if it's also because he just never gave a dam*. When you really love a woman, that's what you do, no matter who needs you to do otherwise, and no matter what for, if it will piss her off, you just don't do it. Knowing I once had someone who is capable of that kind of devotion but lost him and now gives that devotion to someone else, I know now I personally would never EVER settle for anything less. I think I deserve at least as much as his wife deserves. If a new boyfriend of mine wanted an ex lover back in his life and I said no, I'm not comfortable with that he let her in his life anyway, took her calls, met her for lunch, emailed her, etc. I'd be so gone so fast all you'd see would be a trail of dust.

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