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Relationship Health Message Board


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Ah, so now we're uncovering a lot more to the story. BUT - even though this does fill in the story, ultimately I'm not sure if it really changes anything. You tried to contact him for two months and he totally igonored, you, and I assume the fling happened with the co-worker during this time. And as soon as you went to this party with the ex, then he came running back to you after months of giving you the cold shoulder.

I'm sorry, shorti, it sounds like any way you slice it, this guy's playing games in a very major way. He sounds controlling, punishing, manipulative, I don't know, it just doesn't sound good.

But again, I guess that's not the point. The bottom line is, you can't love someone for who you hope they'll be someday. You can't love this guy and continue on with the relationship hoping that someday he'll acknowledge your feelings and become the sensitive, attentive guy you dream he'll be someday. You have to see him clearly and accept him for who and what he is if you're going to make this work with him. And unfortunately, I think that means giving up all hopes that he will ever change his mind about flirting with his work fling. I agree with Rosequartz, I think he's using the "I'm just being honest" card as an excuse not only to do whatever he wants, but also to rub your face in it and to punish you for going out with your ex during this "break" which I think is rather hypocritical of him. He also needs to just let that go if this is going to work, but it seems you both want the other to undo the past somehow, or pay for it or something. You're both holding onto old grudges regarding the people you dallied with during the break. If this relationship is going to have a showball's chance, you have to sit down and agree to both let go of the past and not set rules and not negotiate, because that only sets you up for failure. If it were me, I think I'd just say, "I don't like you flirting with the woman you fooled around with during our "break." I don't really believe you didn't actually have sex with her, but I'm willing to let that go. It hurts my feelings that you don't seem to care that it's a knife in my heart every time I see you flirt with her, and say things like "work those legs!" or whatever, but I know I can't make you care if you choose not to, so for now, I'm going to do my best to let it go. I hope you too can let go of the fact that I chose so-and-so to excort me to 21st, and that you understand the only reason I did was because you were ignoring me. I would much rather have gone with you, but at that time, you chose not to be an option for me. I didn't wnat to take a girlfriend because showing up with another girl is the same as going stag, and that's kind of pathetic in these situations. But I did nothing wrong, and I hope we can both let go of the past and focus on the future." And hold up your end, and see what happens.





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