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Hello everyone.

Sorry about the delay in responding - work, kids, you know how it is.

I appreciate the response. I'll try to address the issues that came up.

Firstly, Jen. You said the "herpes thing" bothers you. (I'm not exactly happy about it either!!) :) He did not give herpes to his wife. His wife gave it to him. When I asked him about it, I asked him if he'd ever had a cold sore. Most people are unaware that this is herpes. He said No, but his wife used to get them really bad. When I told him that was herpes, he was shocked - they'd never been told by her doctor. This is very normal. 80% of the population has herpes of one kind or another - about 75% of them don't know it because they are unaware or their symptoms are so mild it hasn't been diagnosed. It's also possible to go your entire life as a carrier and never show a symptom, but still be a transmitter. So no, he didn't know he had it. Of this I am 100% certain - the public is just overall ignorant of this virus. The whole "supposedly" comment is coming from someone who doesn't know about this virus - sorry.

I knew when I wrote the post that I was incapable of expressing both of our feelings to any understandable degree. That's obvious from the posts I got back. It's not that I wasn't expecting this response - and please believe everyone that I have considered all these possibilities before. But there is more to it.

I'm sorry Jen, to disillusion you, but it's not "just sex". If I wanted sex I could go out to a bar and get laid - it's not that hard. If it was "just sex", we wouldn't have waited six months before it went that far. If it was "just sex", he'd be over here all the time, instead of once every couple months. We do have wonderful sex, but it's based on a much, much deeper love. We go very deep together, and we have found a sould mate in each other, which is what makes this so hard.

Robynomarc - No arguments. Yes, he's married. Absolutely yes, it's wrong. My morals and ethics have been compromised in doing this. Unfortunately, it doesn't make me love him any less!!

Happymom - It's never been friends with benefits. We started out as really good friends, and now it's a relationship. But it's not friends with benefits - that's an ackowledged situation as such and this isn't. You say I "think it's some profound love and he's happy in his situation". Well, it very much is love (it is possible to be in love and in a bad situation at the same time). He's also NOT happy in his situation. Hence the fact that he's seeking therapy - he needs to resolve it. The fact that he may have other's on the side - well, I'll admit that it's occured to me, but to be perfectly honest, NO. Reasons are multiple, but the one that the readers here will like best is that his schedule just doesn't allow it. Works all day, coaches 3 sports team in the eve, goes to all the kids events etc. He never even gets out for a beer with his friends!! He's had one-night stands in past, but never an ongoing relationship (outside his marriage) before.

Matter of Time (hi there!!) - We've tried the friends route. The sexual tension has never subsided. Seems like we're too involved now. Your post makes a lot of sense, and I wish it were possible... BTW - my daughter has a father, and a very good one who is still my friend. I'm not looking to replace him.

Peas and Carrots - Another person who needs educating about herpes. Sigh. Yes, it's possible he was a carrier and didn't know it. What, just because he had a affair means he must have known, when 75% of the population doesn't know??!! Please!

Nexis - I am doing better today than I was yesterday, thanks for asking. Why hasn't he told me he's in therapy?? He really doesn't know. I know that sounds wierd. We were talking about this today. He's known that he needs help, that something is wrong. And he's told me that. But as he's seeing this psychiatrist (yep, the whole shebang - not "just" the old therapist) he said he's discovered things that have happened to him in past he really wasn't aware of (had buried so deep). Hard for him to tell me things he doesn't know. (ie - molested) Yep - up front he told me **$$&& buddies - that changed within about a week. That was at that first lunch!! Homicidal?? please - he's got deep problems, but they are about his past!! And my child has never met him and doesn't know about him. Neither of us wants to involve each other's children until/unless this goes further.

So now I've addressed all the things I disagree with... I know you all make good sense. I've thought all these things, and I suppose deep down I know I need to break this off - otherwise I wouldn't have written it down here right?? I go for stretches where I'm fine, and then I swear it's over, and then I'm ready to stick it out again. The "ok" stretches are getting shorter - but I just don't think I'm ready yet. I may certainly be deluded - I know you all think that this isn't possible a real love match. But you can't quit smoking until you are ready. And I will not succeed in really letting go of this until I am ready. I really do appreciate the comments - even if some of them I got a bit wenchy about! If you all try to understand that this is more than a friends with benefits or just sex relationship, I will try to reach that point where I'm ready to let go!!

But it won't be tomorrow.





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