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I don't know. I guess I'm hoping for some kind of advice here.

One of my friends said, its your own decision. I know that. But... I'd still like some input and thoughts from those smarter than me :-)

We are both around 26. Been together 3 years, living together for two of those.

I've always kinda questioned my relationship with M, but lately two things came up that have freaked me out. One was that I got a letter from the rental company saying its time to renew our lease. We have until Nov 1 to let them know if we are staying or leaving. And, I was at my friend Amanda's wedding this past Saturday. One of her friends (who I slightly know, through her) comes up to me and says, "So I hear you are getting engaged in November," I wish the friend was drunk that said that. LOL. M mentioned this week he was going jewelry shopping with his sister during lunch one day. I didnt even ask what for. Did I really need to? He asked me a few months ago if he should get lunch with my dad sometime to talk to him. Yikes. Ok so you get the picture there.

This is it. Last year I had the same debate on whether to stay, but this time it is so much more serious. Its like, I leave, or stay and get engaged!

I know I've complained about him a lot, and lately I cant think of anything good about him. And I actually am trying to find something to get mad at him about these days. :-/

I just want to mention a few things, tell me if he is a normal guy! LOL.

We haven't gone out to dinner in forever. Sure, we've been with his friends, or others, But just us? It was prob Valentine's Day. Blah.

This year on my birthday I had plans to go to a club w/my friend & her boyfriend. M cooked me dinner, but said he really didnt feel like going, so I figured I really wanted to go so I would. Well, as I was getting ready to leave, his friends called. And guess what? They were at the club. So guess what! He changed his mind and said he'd go down with me. How damn nice of him!

I went to a bar w/my friend, her bf, and his friend and didnt tell M who I was with till I got home. I guess he was jealous? He told me if I ever go out with them again (meaning w/the friend too I think) that he would lock me out. I said I have a key I'll call the cops. He said go ahead. Meanwhile, the bf and friend are around 40 or something, so geeeez.

One time we were having a conversation about self esteem and how I was not happy. He said, well I have enough confidence in myself that if you ever break up with me I'll find someone else.

The past two times I have asked him to meet me and my parents for dinner. He agreed. Each time, about 3 hours before, i get a text message. I believe one was, I have too much homework, the other was, I'm too tired. After this second time of (kinda) being stood up my mom actually said, dont even ask him to come to dinner anymore. He wants nothing to do with us. Grr. He used to come to dinner, but lately (this was like twice in 2 months) I guess not.

Dislike him yet? :-)

Once I was in the bathroom gettting ready for work and he came in. I jokingly said, well if you wouldve told me you were getting up early, I wouldve been done by now. He kinda pushed me out, locked the door! and called me a F*ing B****. Maybe he was grumpy, but I dont know.

And how healthy is it, that we call each other an ***** almost every day? Seriously. Who does that? Seems normal over here, but thats not nice.

This Aug, I went on vacation w/my parents for a week. We got home Fri night and the plan was my mom was going to take me home on Saturday. I had a head ache most of the ride home from SC. I called M and said please pick me up at my parents! He asked what time I would be there. I said 8 pm. Almost 830 and no M . I call. "well i didnt know you'd be home so early, i'm on the bike at my friends and would have to drive home to get the car and drive to get you. thats almost 2 hours of driving" I say ok come get me at 11. At this point my mom retrieves me from downstairs where I'm crying. She tells me she hates to see me sad :-( and she wishes I had a relationship like my cousins (who we were on vaca with). She then says, you know, you can always come home. Anyway, I get in the car and not more than 5 minutes later M tells me I ruined his weekend. (i guess he was planning on doing homework sat so fri was his free night) He told me I was selfish. (ha!) I said, didnt you miss me? He said yes, but I couldve waited until tomorrow too see you.

So since then he hasnt done much that terrible, but whatever. He's a meanie sometimes!


What do I like? Umm... he cooks dinner, we do rent movies sometime, dont really go out though... he's kinda funny, sometimes makes me smile. :::sigh:::

He's not home very much. Got home about 11ish every night this week. Had class 2 nights until 9, but still went over his friends after. Was home for dinner tonight, but back out to work on his car.

He thinks I am too sensitive. I know I am, but.... he jokes around day with me and kinda teases me. Makes me feel bad. I tell him to stop. But noo. You're just to sensitive. Maybe, but I still said stop. I'm not saying I'm perfect at all. But I think I want to be happier than I am right now. Can I be?

I dont know. I am SO stressed. I really dont know what to do. I havent been eating or sleeping well since this all came about this weekend. People are work think I look pale! ha ha

I love him so much. It was a really good thing I moved out of my parents house. I learned and grew a lot too. I am thankful for that. But every since we moved in together it has just been blah. Is that normal?

I dont want to leave and have the same thing happen in the future with someone else. I'm scared to make this decision, and hurt him, and feel lost.

Thats all I have time for now, but do I need any more?

Let me know what you think. Should I give it a chance? Am I too picky?
holy crap! What a jerk. Seriously, I'm not just saying that to be supportive ... he really truly is a jerk. Relationships are supposed to make you feel good. He makes you feel bad. Maybe there are big "moments" when he's so over the top that it's undeniable (calling you a b*****, refusing to pick you up, bailing on your parents - which is not only rude to them but humiliating for you - telling you who to go out with or he'll lock you out (how outrageous is that!) and then bailing on your birthday). But you know, aside from those really obvious times, it seems like he makes you feel bad most days in little ways.

He is choosing not to make simple efforts for you. If he cared for you properly, he'd WANT to go for dinner with your parents, turn up with a smile at your birthday, pick you up after a vacation ... especially if you're feeling ill. I don't mean he'll literally like those events on their own merits - I mean he'd LIKE doing it and WANT to do it because it makes you happy. He'd have an interest in seeing you happy. What's worse is that he promises to do certain things (dinner with parents, go out for birthday, pick you up) and then doesn't. That's not okay. It's not okay if you're constantly on edge because he's so utterly unreliable. It's not okay that he's okay with disappointing you.

The part about him having to study, hanging out with friends and generally being too "busy" to hang out with you is just lame. No one is EVER too busy to see the people they want to see. When he says he's too busy it really means he doesn't see you as a priority and would rather do something else or just can't be bothered.

I read your post and in answer to your question - no, I really don't like him! After reading mine ... can you really say you like him either? Re-read your post and pretend it's your friend telling you about her guy, or your sister. What would you tell them. Ya .. I thought so! So why do you deserve less???

I totally understand the fear of being alone and not finding anyone better or just recreating the same situation with another guy. And hey, you've already got him, right. I get that. But the thing is that by staying with him, you're choosing to stay in a situation you KNOW won't make you happy. You are guaranteeing your own unhappiness. At least by leaving you have a CHANCE of getting into a relationship that will make you happy. It's scary, but it's worth it. here's your choice: definite unhappiness (stay) or potential happiness (go).

This is a guy who basically ignores you, disappoints you, humiliates you, calls you names, threatens you and tries to control you. Tell me, why do you want to marry him? Why would you even consider it? You shouldn't even date him. Marriage does not fix any of that. All marriage will do is bind you into more disappointment.

It's just not okay when your relationship actually makes you feel bad. That's not normal or how it should be and how it could be.

I'm really stuck on him not picking you up. You arrived there and he hadn't even left! He KNEW you'd just be sitting there expecting him and he really didn't care. He knew he was breaking a promise, he knew he would hurt and disappoint you and, yet again, it was done in front of your family (more humiliation). And he was totally okay with that. To hell with your feelings. And then he actually tells you that you ruined his weekend??? I guess it's your fault for having any expectations. I guess he owes you nothing. I guess you don't deserve a relationship where your partner respects you, props you up, protects you, and makes you happy? I guess you don't deserve a guy who keeps his word and makes an effort? COME ON! OF COURSE YOU DO!!! He just seems to want you to believe you don't so he can keep on being a jerk. My god, then he tells you that you're totally replaceable! I wonder, will he incorporate that into his wedding speech?

He's a crap boyfriend. He'll be a crap husband.

He's mean and he makes you feel bad. Not exactly prince charming.

Being alone is scary. But being with this guy is equally scary.
You deserve more. Give yourself a chance to get more - with someone else.

Sorry that you're going through this and sorry for the long post ... reading about how you've been treated made my blood boil. So does the thought that you might think that this treatment is worth staying for! Do yourself a favour and get outta there.





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