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First of all, let me just say how glad I am I found these boards! There's something great about people helping and supporting others, even if it's anonymous. :)

I'll try to not make my story too long....Every summer I leave home for at least two months to work. This past June, I was working in a small town, and I ended up meeting someone pretty much by chance - I sort of stumbled upon him, or more like he stumbled upon me. Soon after we met he came to where I worked and asked me out. Initially, my impression of him wasn't much - he seemed nice enough, but I wasn't instantly attracted.

Now, there's a few things I should mention before the dates: I am 19 and had only ever been on [I]one[/I] date before. I had never had a boyfriend, never really been asked out, or even been kissed. I was homeschooled up until college, and I realize now that I spent about 7 years chronically depressed and trying to hide that fact from my family. I never really got a chance to just be young, and stupid, and get out there and meet people and make mistakes and learn from them.

Needless to say, I went out with him. I figured I had nothing to lose. First dinner and a movie, then talking for hours, then a movie at his house, then he was coming to my work pretty much everyday after my shift and we would just hang out. I'm not a very romantic girl - flowers and candy and holding hands don't really work for me. I don't know how he knew that though, because he never pulled any of those stunts. We would just hang out, go out to eat, talk, and within a couple of weeks I felt like I had always known him. After that, I can't believe how fast things went. We went from dinner and a movie to really being friends, then getting more intimate physically, and then all of the sudden I was meeting his best friend, and he was making steaks at his house and I was having dinner with him and his mom. I had never been treated so wonderfully in my life.

I really think everything would have been perfect if it hadn't been for my 22 year old sister, and to some extent my parents. My sister is my best friend. I would do anything for her, and would only want her to be happy, and I really don't think she even tried to do that for me. As soon as I started seeing my guy regularly, she completely closed up and started treating me (and him) like crap. I would've been more hurt and maybe even scared of her but for the fact that I really was [I]happy[/I] for the first time I could remember. I guess you would have to know her to understand her character. You would have to know that she's incredibly sensitive, and stubborn, that she's never been in a relationship, and that she's never apologized to me for anything in her life. But I don't think any of that justifies the way she treated me. I don't know if it was jealousy, or possesiveness, or being over-protective. I had long, long talks with her (with me doing most of the talking), and I told her she was not second-rate company, I told her she was wonderful, I told her I loved her. She never said anything back. I'm used to it, and I won't expect much anymore. I try to look at it objectively, and see it her way, but I still don't understand.

Near the end of the summer, my guy asked me if I would go on a short trip with him to the city where he goes to school to pick up some things he needed. I did debate it for a bit, and I asked my aunt and her daughter about it, and they were both so supportive and told me to go and have fun. I was stupid to think it would be that easy, really. I told my parents about it in an e-mail without asking "for permission"...I thought 19 years of being responsible would mean something. I don't know what my sister may have said to them over the phone, but they called me right away and told me to turn around and go back. They said some things to me that I will never, ever forget. I was pretty shocked, but my guy was so calm about everything - we turned around, we came back, and he was so great about it.

Before I knew it, the summer was over. I had to go back home. Nothing really concrete was agreed between us - we said we'd see each other soon, whenever that would be. Since I've been back, we've been talking online (with the talk function on messengers, so it's like a phone conversation)pretty much every other day, sending messages, etc. It's so nice to have someone to talk to, someone who can make me laugh. It's definately not the same not having him with me...it's hard to think that I probably won't see him for a couple of more months, and if I do see him at Christmas break, it won't be for very long at all. I know everyone's situation is different, but if anyone has any experience and advice on making a long-distance relationship work, or how to deal with family, or anything, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you if you've read my whole rant. :)
I think you were right about your sister; being jealous, over-protective, and possessive. Those are all things that you really can't do anything about. You can't jeopardize your own happiness to please her. She needs to accpect that you are an adult and capable of making decisions on your own.

Your parents sound similar, over-protective and maybe possesive. Ultimately they only want whats best for you, and are only trying to protect you. One thing that parents seem to have a hard time accepting is that their children inevitably grow up. Its hard for them to let go. Give all of them time, talk to them about how happy you are. If possible, arrange for them to meet your boyfriend. Meeting them may help show them that you have good judgement.

As for the long distance.. you'll probably get a variety of stories on this one. My own experience with a long distance relationship was a bad one. But that's b/c the guy I was dating at the time was a selfish, immature, unfaithful SOB!! And I was a paranoid, insecure, lonely girl all alone in a new city (left for college). My own trust issues and obviously his lack of committment to me caused some problems!

Long distance does add a new challenge to a relationship and some people feel its not worth the added effort or stress. Some people find their SO worth those things. Its up to the individuals in the relationship to make it work. If you can[I] communicate[/I] openly and if you sincerly [I]trust[/I] eachother, then long distance is nothing more than another speed bump in the road. The secret to a successful relationship isn't really a secret at all.. it comes down to three things; communication, honesty and trust. Without those things you'll never have love or a healthy relationship.

If you haven't already then you and him should discuss your relationship status now that you're apart. Discuss what you want and expect from eachother while you can't be together. For example, tell him you don't plan on seeing anyone else and that you hope he feels the same, that you want him to go out and have a good time with friends, but that you would like a call or text at the end of the night... just a few suggestions. You need to be on the same page with eachother to avoid conflicts. Understanding your expectations for eachother will help make the long distance work.

I hope some of this helped! Good luck! :wave:
Thank you all for the replies! :)

[QUOTE]Your parents sound similar, over-protective and maybe possesive. Ultimately they only want whats best for you, and are only trying to protect you. One thing that parents seem to have a hard time accepting is that their children inevitably grow up. Its hard for them to let go. Give all of them time, talk to them about how happy you are. If possible, arrange for them to meet your boyfriend. Meeting them may help show them that you have good judgement.[/QUOTE]

I can imagine that as a parent, it can't be easy realizing your children have suddenly grown into their own person. We're going to make our own decisions and have our own experiences, good and bad ones, and learn from them. I did try to tell my parents that, over the phone, as they were overreacting and telling me that I had no judgement and I had failed them, among other things that I really never expected to hear from them. I guess I expected they might be a bit surprised, but ultimately they would trust me and just want me to be happy. Things were twisted around and not communicated properly and it just turned into a big deal for all of them, when it really wasn't. My mom did meet him at the end of the summer, but only because I asked her to. I wanted her to see he wasn't every bad thing they immediately imagined, but that he was just a good guy.

[QUOTE] Maybe your parents don't want you to grow up. You said you were homeschooled until college? [B]They probably just aren't used to you doing things on your own and having someone other than them to be with[/B]. You should probably sit down and talk to them about it. They should realize that you're in college now and things are going to change.[/QUOTE]

I think that may have been one of the factors. It seems so clear to me, and I listened to everything they said and apologized over and over, even though I didn't really know what I was apologizing for. I'm sorry I'm having fun? I'm sorry I've met someone who has treated me so wonderfully and been such great company? Things are going to change. Things DID change. My family doesn't solve things by talking - they solve things by never talking about the things that bother them and pretending they never happened. I tried breaking that ice, and this happened. I'm tired of being the one who apologizes and says things and never hearing anything back.

[QUOTE]It seems that by being homeschooled your parents tried to keep you from the "real world" and all of the "bad things" there are out there. Your sister, being older, seems to have adopted these traits. It definately seems like posesiveness on all of their parts, and some jealousy thrown in with your sister. [B]It's really too bad that your parents are so affraid of letting you spread your wings and grow up. They did their job raising you and now it is time for them to sit back and hope they did a good job.[/B] From the sound of your post I think they did.[/QUOTE]

I think it'll take time...I don't know. I do wish they would sit back and realize that they DID do a good job. I appreciate everything they've done for me, and everything I've learned from them. I think that's why I really did feel hurt when my sister treated me the way she did, and my parents too.

[QUOTE]Are you able to support yourself with your job? I think the best thing you can do for yourself at this point is learn how to be independent. You are 19 and you should be trusted and encouraged to make your own decisions, even if that leads to a bad one once in a while. After you are able to stand on your own and feel confident with that you will be able to continue on with this relationship. [/QUOTE]

No, my job is only during the summer. I still live at home and am going to a state university, mostly for financial reasons. My tuition is very cheap and I obviously don't pay room and board. Right now, it feels like forever until I graduate and will finally be able to be on my own. I'm ready. And I'm ready for this relationship: I'm willing to make it work, no matter how much I miss him, no matter how hard it is not seeing him everyday and not having him here to make me laugh. We haven't had a deep, serious "talk" about all of this yet...it's a bit hard to explain, but things were sort of understood between us without having to say anything. It's funny, because I think we both realized how well things worked between us, so naturally and easily, that we left it alone. I know we will have to talk eventually, and figure out how we see things working in the near and distant future, but for now we're just enjoying having someone to talk to.

[QUOTE]You can definitely make it work, although you will constantly be given all the negative reasons why it won't work. Good luck.[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much!:) This gives me hope.
[QUOTE=n*l;3239452]First of all, let me just say how glad I am I found these boards! There's something great about people helping and supporting others, even if it's anonymous. :)

I'll try to not make my story too long....Every summer I leave home for at least two months to work. This past June, I was working in a small town, and I ended up meeting someone pretty much by chance - I sort of stumbled upon him, or more like he stumbled upon me. Soon after we met he came to where I worked and asked me out. Initially, my impression of him wasn't much - he seemed nice enough, but I wasn't instantly attracted.

Now, there's a few things I should mention before the dates: I am 19 and had only ever been on [I]one[/I] date before. I had never had a boyfriend, never really been asked out, or even been kissed. I was homeschooled up until college, and I realize now that I spent about 7 years chronically depressed and trying to hide that fact from my family. I never really got a chance to just be young, and stupid, and get out there and meet people and make mistakes and learn from them.

Needless to say, I went out with him. I figured I had nothing to lose. First dinner and a movie, then talking for hours, then a movie at his house, then he was coming to my work pretty much everyday after my shift and we would just hang out. I'm not a very romantic girl - flowers and candy and holding hands don't really work for me. I don't know how he knew that though, because he never pulled any of those stunts. We would just hang out, go out to eat, talk, and within a couple of weeks I felt like I had always known him. After that, I can't believe how fast things went. We went from dinner and a movie to really being friends, then getting more intimate physically, and then all of the sudden I was meeting his best friend, and he was making steaks at his house and I was having dinner with him and his mom. I had never been treated so wonderfully in my life.

I really think everything would have been perfect if it hadn't been for my 22 year old sister, and to some extent my parents. My sister is my best friend. I would do anything for her, and would only want her to be happy, and I really don't think she even tried to do that for me. As soon as I started seeing my guy regularly, she completely closed up and started treating me (and him) like crap. I would've been more hurt and maybe even scared of her but for the fact that I really was [I]happy[/I] for the first time I could remember. I guess you would have to know her to understand her character. You would have to know that she's incredibly sensitive, and stubborn, that she's never been in a relationship, and that she's never apologized to me for anything in her life. But I don't think any of that justifies the way she treated me. I don't know if it was jealousy, or possesiveness, or being over-protective. I had long, long talks with her (with me doing most of the talking), and I told her she was not second-rate company, I told her she was wonderful, I told her I loved her. She never said anything back. I'm used to it, and I won't expect much anymore. I try to look at it objectively, and see it her way, but I still don't understand.

Near the end of the summer, my guy asked me if I would go on a short trip with him to the city where he goes to school to pick up some things he needed. I did debate it for a bit, and I asked my aunt and her daughter about it, and they were both so supportive and told me to go and have fun. I was stupid to think it would be that easy, really. I told my parents about it in an e-mail without asking "for permission"...I thought 19 years of being responsible would mean something. I don't know what my sister may have said to them over the phone, but they called me right away and told me to turn around and go back. They said some things to me that I will never, ever forget. I was pretty shocked, but my guy was so calm about everything - we turned around, we came back, and he was so great about it.

Before I knew it, the summer was over. I had to go back home. Nothing really concrete was agreed between us - we said we'd see each other soon, whenever that would be. Since I've been back, we've been talking online (with the talk function on messengers, so it's like a phone conversation)pretty much every other day, sending messages, etc. It's so nice to have someone to talk to, someone who can make me laugh. It's definately not the same not having him with me...it's hard to think that I probably won't see him for a couple of more months, and if I do see him at Christmas break, it won't be for very long at all. I know everyone's situation is different, but if anyone has any experience and advice on making a long-distance relationship work, or how to deal with family, or anything, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you if you've read my whole rant. :)[/QUOTE]


Wow, thats kind of like mine and my ex girlfriend, we stumbled into a relationship at a young age she was 17- i was 20, our problem was communicating couldnt do it and show any emotions and it was tough on her, we met when i was down there at college, west virginia, me boston, So we were both young, and we fell into a comfort trap, and went with it, it sucked leaving her for the summers, even christmas break i graduated a year before her, and i found my way down to see her 4 times, it sucked not seing her and talking for 5 mins on the phone, we because we couldnt communicate and it sucked. she never knew how i was feeling, we would think and do the same **** but never communicate, we got engaged after 6 years and being engaged, she broke it off just like that, all over communication, if your communicatin skills are fine, and the feeling is there, anything can happen, to say long distance will never work, i cant really say that, its what both people make of it,

look at some of my posted threads my ex relationship is a mess





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