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I'll try and condense all the background info here:

I met a young woman early this summer who I immediately fell for. We talked and text messaged with growing intensity for the next two to three weeks. She was in a deteriorating relationship at the time. She said she was not happy with this guy who she was with on and off for 3 years. He made her feel bad, dumb, ruined her self-esteem and went on frequent vacation trips without her.

She said I made her feel good about herself; I was (am)funny, sweet and caring (she probably forgot to mention handsome). 3 weeks after we met she made the decision to break up with her boyfriend. A week earlier she said- even though things weren’t going well in her relationship- she felt guilty about all the time we spent talking, often ignoring his calls while we talked.

The day after the break-up, I made (albeit prematurely) my move. We kissed and I told her how I felt. She said it was mutual. For the next month, we spent lots of time together. I was REALLY in to her and I think she felt the same way. We would call, text message or visit each other often. I was in total ecstasy since I thought I would never find love like this (sniff, sniff, tear).

Two weeks ago, she told me she thought we were going too fast and that she decided to take the advice that she have more “time to herself.” She had told me that since she was 16 she never had time to be free and single. She also pointed out that me saying things like “you’d look really beautiful pregnant [while rubbing her tummy]” and “have you ever thought about moving in with me” made her feel uncomfortable since she didn’t share the same feelings (?). So we “broke up.” I was devastated but the next day we hung out and everything felt like before. We held hands and kissed and I was happy. Even though we were probably lying to ourselves.

A little over a week ago, she spent the night with her ex and told me that they had decided to work things out (he continued to call and text after the break-up). I figured everything was over for good.

I have ignored her various text messages and phone calls since then. During the last two days, she is calling more and more. She asks why I’m ignoring her and that she misses me. Yesterday, she sent a lengthy mail that I don’t have the heart to read. I skimmed through the first few lines and she says she can’t get me out of her mind.

I wonder… why did she leave me for her ex then? I still care for her SOOOO much and I want her back. But I feel hurt that she went back to him. I think she needs time. But part of me wants to call her back and forgive and forget. She is VERRRRRY special to me. I don’t want to lose her. But I don’t want to get hurt again, of course. Pride also factors in.

Advice from my best girl friend advises me not to call or text her back. She says the aforementioned young woman feels bad and is only trying to spare her own feelings. My friend asks: “But who’s gonna make YOU feel better? Certainly not her. Why tell her your feelings and that you love her if she left you knowing all of this already?” Two other friends have chimed in saying I should not respond yet, either.

When should I call her? AND, more importantly, WHAT went wrong with this? If she loved me, why did she leave me? [more details to come…]

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