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I need some advice, from strangers because I don't want to confide this to anyone else. I have been married for 3 years. And in the beginning of our relationship it was wonderful, we both had good jobs and loved spending time together then I got sick. I have MS and it has hit me so hard that I do not have the complete use of my right arm and cannot work anymore. My husband took on 2 jobs one full time one part time. Well the p/t job is for a woman that was friends with his f/t boss and now my husband and her travel together, and she has confided way too many personal things in my husband, and I suspect that he has done the same. I know that he is working his butt off to support me and pay for my medial bills. and when I ? their relationship he throws this in my face and says there is nothing going on. But we frequently get together with her, her husband and several other people from my husbands f/t job, and her and my husband are always joking together. she will slap his shoulder if he says something goofy. He seems completely at home at her house and knows where everything is. and she continually complains about her husbands shortcomings in front of us and him. She is the breadwinner in the family. She calls my husband several times a day, on his cell phone, even when we are home. Everytime she has a crisis she calls him. Several month ago her sister was in an accident and she called my husbands cell repeatedly, and then when he finally called back , her husband answered her cell phone and said she was sleeping and that he was on his way out the door to work. My husband said tell her that we will call her later tonight. then about 20 minutes later my husband said he had to go to the store. I looked at the clock and it said 10:20, we keep it 5 minutes fast. He came back an hour later, I checked his cell phone and it showed he called her at 10:18. As soon as he got out the door he called her, and most likely went to her house to comfort her. I confronted him, and he said that he didn't go over there. I asked him why he called her as soon as he walked out the door, he said that it just came to mind while he was driving to the store. Yeah, right. My husband insists there is nothing going on. and I don't know that there is sexually, but I know that there is emotionally. Both of them are in stressful finacial situations and there is stress in both marriages, mine because I am sick and can't work or be much of a "fun" spouse right now, and hers because she is trying to support their family and is resentful of her husband and his 3 kids that she is supporting. There is much more to the story, other lies that I have caught and inappropiete jestures, that I will alaborate more on later. Please, what do you all think of this. If he stops working for her we lose alot of money, and also there are 4-5 different couples that get together every other weekend and are kids are all friends and I look forward to spending time with them (this is the only interaction I have with other people) and this would stop completely because we always meet at this womans house. So for me to insist that he completely stop seeing her would mean that I lose all my friends too, and that we will not be able to pay our bills. Him getting a different p/t job is not really an option, she pays him $500.00 a day, this is $100.00 less than what he makes all week at his f/t job, HELP:( Nikki
Leelee, wow your response was so wonderful and understanding. I am sorry that you have Fibro & CFS, I also have a diagnosis from earlier before the MS diag. So I understand the fatigue and body aches that you are going through. When I was diagnosed with the Fibro 7 years ago I went to a pain managment clinic and to a therapist to try adjust to that, and I did get completely better. Basically what happened to me was my first husband just one day came home and said he wanted a divorce. He admitted he was seeing someone and wanted to be with her, give me everything and have nothing to do with our son. It caught me completely off guard, and once I really thought about it. I told him NO. that he wasn't just gonna walk out and leave all responsibility behind. He picked our son up from school because I worked in San Jose and it took me 1 1/2 to get home at night, and he would have to continue doing that, plus he was coaching Little League, and our mortgage was more than I made a month, anyway, this lady was an office manager at his place of employment, so he got a tranfer and we moved 3000 miles away. I never could get over the deception and it made me sick, and I am pretty sure that he continued his cheating with someone else once we moved here. So this is what made me sick in the beginning. Once completely well, I satrted living again and felt really good. Then I get remarried and get MS, go figure!! So I already have beren cheated on by my 1st husband with a coworker, so that makes it hard to trust, and I know this stress is making me sicker. As for Ins, I have to have private ins that I pay completely out of pocket because my husbands company only has 6 employees, and for me to be on his ins is $600.00 a month. My ins is really bad though, but still has lower deducts than his, and we do not have counseling or physical therapy available through our ins either. so I cannot do either of those, it's really stupid, and since I have a pre-existing medical condition now I can't switch to better ins. Thank you for all the advice that you offered, it has been very helpful, I have to go get kids from school, will check back later, please keep in touch, sincerely, Nikki
I would be very curious to know how he would explain the cell phone bill. 344 minutes is a pretty long time to discuss little work details. I don't think I've ever used that many minutes in one month! lol

Please don't feel bad about unloading. You have a lot on your plate and the last thing you need right now is this crap your husband is giving you. You would think that he would realize how all of this stress would take a toll on your body. Shame on him!

No offense, but I thin how your husband cheated in his previous marriage is a pretty big red flag too. Especially since he didn't want you to know about the one night stand until after you were married. I hate to say once a cheater always a cheater in every circumstance because everyone is different and some people really make an effor to change. I thought he was being sincere when you had your talk. I'm beginning to wonder if he was only telling you what you want to hear to get you off his back and stop being suspicious of his every move.

Please keep coming to vent nikki! A lot of us have been through something like this. Even if we can't offer the best advice it is sometimes nice to know that you don't have to go through this alone. I only wish I found this board when I was with my ex. Give some thought to leelee's idea of having someone follow him if you can. It may be the peace of mind you need to get a definate answer.
I finally talked to my BF about the cell bill and asked her what she thought. Jim isn't trying to hide the fact that he talks to Angie all the time. My friend said (we have been Bf's for 5 years) that her first impression of Jim was that he just is the kind of person that craves attention, even though in the very beginning of our relationship, I was giving him TONS of attention, he still has to talk to everyone and hug everyone and try to help everyone. She said that part of it is probably how long he was neglected by his 1st wife. But she said that she noticed it from the beginning and that it made her uncomfortable, he never hit on her, he was just always complementing her and hugging her goodbye, and joking with her (not sexually though) he does this with everyone male or female. She says that she thinks that he honestly Loves me but needs so much attention and I am not well enough to give him ALL the attention he craves, and Angie has been and is taking advantage of the situation. and that I need to be very careful because if she is pushing it, this could lead to a sexual affair, even with him not intending it to be. This is exactly what I feared from the beginning. She called it w/o me even having to say that very thing, I just explained what was going on with Angie and the calls. When she defended Jim the other day, she had no idea that he was calling Angie that much, she just thought that Angie was after Jim. Jim gives no signs to anyone that he isn't totally goo goo over me, and that is what everybody tells me. What do you all think about the attention thing? I also told her about Jim just wearing any old thing when he is around Angie and he has gained 40 lbs and his great muscled chest has turned to man boobs, and he never puts on nice underwear when he is with her either, it doesn't seem like he is trying to be attractive to her. And he's not grooming downstairs either. Those are usually things that someone whi is cheating does, but that isn't happening, any suggestions on that one? Nikki

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