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I need some advice, from strangers because I don't want to confide this to anyone else. I have been married for 3 years. And in the beginning of our relationship it was wonderful, we both had good jobs and loved spending time together then I got sick. I have MS and it has hit me so hard that I do not have the complete use of my right arm and cannot work anymore. My husband took on 2 jobs one full time one part time. Well the p/t job is for a woman that was friends with his f/t boss and now my husband and her travel together, and she has confided way too many personal things in my husband, and I suspect that he has done the same. I know that he is working his butt off to support me and pay for my medial bills. and when I ? their relationship he throws this in my face and says there is nothing going on. But we frequently get together with her, her husband and several other people from my husbands f/t job, and her and my husband are always joking together. she will slap his shoulder if he says something goofy. He seems completely at home at her house and knows where everything is. and she continually complains about her husbands shortcomings in front of us and him. She is the breadwinner in the family. She calls my husband several times a day, on his cell phone, even when we are home. Everytime she has a crisis she calls him. Several month ago her sister was in an accident and she called my husbands cell repeatedly, and then when he finally called back , her husband answered her cell phone and said she was sleeping and that he was on his way out the door to work. My husband said tell her that we will call her later tonight. then about 20 minutes later my husband said he had to go to the store. I looked at the clock and it said 10:20, we keep it 5 minutes fast. He came back an hour later, I checked his cell phone and it showed he called her at 10:18. As soon as he got out the door he called her, and most likely went to her house to comfort her. I confronted him, and he said that he didn't go over there. I asked him why he called her as soon as he walked out the door, he said that it just came to mind while he was driving to the store. Yeah, right. My husband insists there is nothing going on. and I don't know that there is sexually, but I know that there is emotionally. Both of them are in stressful finacial situations and there is stress in both marriages, mine because I am sick and can't work or be much of a "fun" spouse right now, and hers because she is trying to support their family and is resentful of her husband and his 3 kids that she is supporting. There is much more to the story, other lies that I have caught and inappropiete jestures, that I will alaborate more on later. Please, what do you all think of this. If he stops working for her we lose alot of money, and also there are 4-5 different couples that get together every other weekend and are kids are all friends and I look forward to spending time with them (this is the only interaction I have with other people) and this would stop completely because we always meet at this womans house. So for me to insist that he completely stop seeing her would mean that I lose all my friends too, and that we will not be able to pay our bills. Him getting a different p/t job is not really an option, she pays him $500.00 a day, this is $100.00 less than what he makes all week at his f/t job, HELP:( Nikki
Dear, dear Nikki, I'm so sorry you're riding on this roller coaster of emotions. You really want to believe Jim & I know how tough it is when these new elements keep getting thrown in! My husband sounds a lot like Jim, they could be twins in fact, & he likes everything neatly in it's place. He's also a damn hard worker & takes pride in providing a nice income for us.
About the sheets-you being gone for only 4 days shouldn't make Jim want to make them fresh again for you & I feel he may have been hiding something. Haven said that, I'll give you a spin on what my husband has done & you can see if this could be Jim's thinking too. About 4 years ago, I was gone for about a week visiting my parents. When I called my husband the day I was to return home he said that he was busy making the house beautiful again because he had been so busy working in the yard that it got trashed from him just coming in & putting tools & things all over. When I got home, the house was immaculate even down to our sheets being freshly laundered which he made the point of telling me. I was concerned but thought that if he had been sneaking someone over, he would have not told me that he changed the sheets. However, in the past when I had suspicions, I would make a mark on the corner of the sheet somewhere out of sight by using a safety pin or a little dot of red lipstick. At a time that I felt secure that he wouldn't hurt me for anything by bringing a woman into our home, I told him about my little test. So I think he wanted to tell me about washing the sheets because if I had found out like you had, I would have suspected him again.
As far as cleaning the truck out right in front of you. I don't think that's out of the norm if he drives that truck to work. My husband has so much junk in his truck (it's a work vehicle so I'd never borrow it for something) that he needs for work that he'd have to clean it out before someone else drove it.
Your friend's husband is definitely messing around on her & you gave her good, strong advice about laying low until she can see the judge or whoever.
I think because you've gone through this before with your ex, it may make you suspicious when you need not be. But I do agree with chill200, if your gut is telling you some thing's wrong, something may be going on. I think that you should wait & watch like I'm doing with my husband. We both have men that can be absolutely wonderful to us so once we get past this little hiccup in life things may be good for us again. I think you have to think of the worse case scenario, if Jim is having an affair with the boss & doesn't stop, you're going to find out eventually if you keep your eyes & ears open. If he's had an affair with her & he stopped it last week by talking to her I think your marriage could be salvaged. You just have to listen to your heart.
BTW, posting on this site is kind of like a journal in it's self. While you're writing things down other events are going to break through to the surface like you remembering the sheet thing. Also talking to your friend about her situation is going to keep you second guessing Jim. That can be good & bad but knowing you through this post & the challenges you are facing with MS makes me worry that you could wind up putting yourself in the hospital. Maybe taking a little breather for at least a few days will help you get more perspective on your relationship with Jim. In fact, that's why I haven't updated my post. Some strange things have been going on with my husband & I've been writing them down but not on this post. I've talked with him about the gun cabinet keys & suddenly, the next day, he remembered where they were & took me downstairs to prove to me that there was nothing in there. Funny thing is, he didn't unlock the bottom storage area, acted like it didn't exist probably thinking that I'm too drugged up to notice. There I go, posting on your thread, shame on me. Anyway, take good care Nikki. Sounds like you're a smart, sophisticated lady that won't give up until you know the bottom of it!





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