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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Nikki-
An emotional affair can be as painful as a sexual affair. I think that affairs of the heart run deeper than just the physical lust of a one night stand. As far as you & your hubby's relationship issues....you need to realize that you both are mourning the loss of your "healthy" self. You've lost a big part of YOU since you have become sick. Your MS is a big part of who you are right now but it doesn't define YOU. You are still that wonderful person that you were before your symptoms reared their ugly heads! I'm going through the same thing although my illness is just Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I ache & long for that woman who had the energy to have a spotless house, haul kids & their friends all over, cook, volunteer, have huge family dinners, etc...etc...etc...! Right now I'm seeing a therapist for depression & I have told her that it seems like every time I get really down I think my hubby's running around on me. She explained it that at these times my self worth is so diminished that I start questioning why he would even want me...I don't keep a spotless house, I rarely cook, he does most of the grocery shopping & on & on & on. All thoughts like these are very harmful to us & they make our conditions even worse. Cognitive therapy is a must practice for people with a low self esteem to get better! If we don't love ourselves the way we are, how can anyone else love us?
I, like you, had a very healthy appetite for sex before I got sick. Now he's lucky if he gets it twice a month. I must admit there have been times that he bugs me so much for it that I kind of wish he'd just go get a hooker. Of course I don't mean it but I think it anyway!
It would be a good idea if you & hubby would go to a support group for MS or one for dealing with the loss of health. If hubby doesn't want to go at first, that's fine. It would help you be able to cope with your illness better & that would help both of you.
You guys have such a strain on your marriage with your illness, his bosses lack of consideration to let your hubby enjoy his free time with you & your financial difficulties. Do you think he could talk to her & see if she could start limiting her phone calls to business only if she absolutely MUST call him on nights & weekends? It's fine for her to use him as a sounding board at work but it's really crappy of her to occupy his time when he could be cuddled up on the couch with you!
The Arthritis Foundation has an article online about changing sexual positions so that it will alleviate pain in the joints. I wonder if this could benefit you with your MS? Have you talked to your Dr. about your lack of sex drive or the pain that goes along with having sex? Maybe hubby could give you a nice, warm message before & after? As far as the financial burden that goes along with your MS, do you have insurance through your hubby's FT job? Would going to a credit counselor help if there was a way to consolidate your Dr & hospital bills on one low interest rate card or something? Would you consider filing bankruptcy? There are all kinds of things to consider just to get your life running smoothly again.
It sounds like you've got a good man but he sounds as frustrated as you are. Sometimes men just click with women friends more than males. Remember he needs someone to talk to also. You use this board & he may be confiding in his boss. He sounds like he is very worried about you & he probably doesn't want to let you know as to add more to your plate.
How did your DR. visit go? Any new ideas for your pain?
Good luck to you! I hope I helped you.





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