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[QUOTE=amy2705;3250793]Well, I can't really say for sure ... maybe this is more a questions for the guys.

However, I don't think that is a problem either. The entire ordeal with the vaginismus was really frustrating and difficult for both you and your partner. It obviously made you feel like you were doing something wrong or somehow caused her to not be able to have sex. I would imagine that feeling that way isn't the biggest turn on. I'm not really that surprised that you were having issues staying aroused. Makes sense that you started out being excited about things and then as it became more and more difficult (and finally impossible) you were not so excited about it. I think it would be quite the feat the have stayed aroused through all that. As for the condom vs. no condom -- all I can say is that after the repeated failed attempts at penetration, the act of putting on the condom might just have been the signal that more failure was about to begin (again, I don't think imminent lack of penetration is a big turn on!). The no condom was a new situation - i.e. a bit different from the previous frustrating attempts. Maybe since it was something new and different, a bit of the excitement was back - thus explaining why you weren't immediately turned off.

I know guys get really anxious about things like this. But in your case, it's not totally random and unexpected. It's in direct response to a frustrating and disappointing situation. Of course you were having issues staying turned on - it wasn't working, you felt like crap and each attempt that didn't work out probably just made you feel worse and worse about it. What guy would stay aroused through all that?? I know it's difficult and you're feeling a bit defeated about the whole thing -- but this was really just incredibly bad luck -- especially happening with your first partner! I know that logically you can understand that ... but emotionally you still have doubts. I think that you should hold on to what you know to logically be true and trust me when I say that as soon as you're with someone else, you'll know in your heart that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Chin up![/QUOTE]

Amy, thank you so much again for reading/responding!!!

I think I know, truthfully that the erection/condom problem probably won't happen again- all the stress of what was going on, as you've pointed out was definately an erection 'killer', so to speak! I think that with time (and my next partner being understanding!) I won't have anything to worry about. I just need to keep telling myself to think positive about all of this and not worry in the future!

Now I just need to let my heart mend from everything else that has happened related to this ex and our relationship-we broke up around May time, but a month or so after we broke up we were still casually seeing each other, sleeping together and engaging in everything sexually (without penetration obviously!) and I agreed to help her in anyway possible with progression/treatment of her condition.

About 4 days ago though she just said she wanted friendship now, no intimate contact, nothing physical, absolutely no talking at all about her vaginismus and that it's not a good idea for me to talk to her about how I feel about it now and that we shouldn't talk so much.She has gone from being (when we were together) a person wanting a loving, warm relationship and sex that carried similiar emotions to now just wanting to be touched and have sex with any man she can get her hands on pretty much (in her own words!).I'm not sure if it's just a change of her needs/wants which is fair enough or if it's in direct relation to her vaginismus and possibly thinking that she needs to try another man to 'fix' her...I think this part of where my whole jealous streak has been coming from lately!

This whole thing has left me feeling confused and heartbroken, and I feel like I still need closure/to discuss this whole topic with her more indepth but I won't get that now as she doesn't want to talk about any of it. I guess she's being cruel to be kind (in the long run?) by just blocking me out in the close/intimate way of things and trying to push me on to move on with my life.:confused:

Also my jealousy issue (I was a jealous partner whilst with her but thank god she was understanding about it and I never got terrible with jealousy) needs to be cleared up. This whole issue has completely screwed me up. I've been thinking about councelling lately to help overcome the fears and make me non jealous with future partners and also help me come to terms with the ex's vaginismus and how it affected me, but I'm not sure if councelling is a bit too much.





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