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Hello! Let me start from the beginning.

I'm 23 years old, boyfriend is 22. I met him almost 2 years ago, and we've been together for about a year and 10 months or so. When we first started seeing eachother, he was aspiring to be a chef. He cooked for me frequently, talked about school, etc. At one point, we even visited a school near us, took a tour, and he even put a $100 deposit and filled out all of the registration papers. Unfortunatly, his parents were un-supportive to say the least.

His grandparents are very well off, and a couple of years ago gave all of their grandchildren $10,000 to put away for whatever they decided to use it for. However, his parents are pretty shady and to make a VERY VERY long story short, after he recieved the 10K in a bank account in his and his fathers name, he hasn't seen it since. He was counting on that money to put towards school.

Anyway, there has been a lot of family drama surrounding that money. His dad has given him numerous stories as to where it is, but still, he hasn't seen it since. So, he became very discouraged about the schooling. I insited to him that his grandparents would be MORE than happy to co-sign and help him financially (which I KNOW they would) but he is afraid to go to them because he would have to admit the money they gave him is gone, and doesn't want to cause any more family problems. I say screw it! $10,000 is an AWFUL lot of money for parents to steal from a child, especially money that was going to be used towards school!

Well, ever since the school issue went down, he's just been becoming less and less ambitious. He kept his job working as a line cook at Chili's for far too long, and only recently got a better job (that I told him about) which still isn't all that spectacular. He loves his current job (cook for an assisted living facility) and while that is awesome, it doesn't pay well at all. He's told me how much he likes not having to deal with the stress of working in a resteraunt, and how he gets to take his time preparing all the meals, etc. And again, that's great. But he made a comment when we went to visit his mom the other day that struck a bad chord in me. We were talking about the kitchen manager, and he mentioned that he could eventually get her job. The thing is, I don't know for sure how much money she makes but I DO know what her job entails, and that she lives in a ghetto neighborhood. Basically, she orders all the food and makes sure everything gets done. She doesn't cook or anything.

There are a couple things that bother me about that. 1, he has gone from wanting to be a big shot chef, down to doing catering, all the way down to managing a kitchen at an assisted living facility. 2, i'm concerned about money. Now I don't expect a whole lot, but lets just say that I don't want to spend the rest of my life in finanical stress.

I know as relationships go on, you often do less and less to try to impress eachother, but he's gone from making me delicious meals, to making me top ramen. And even at that, it's not often.. I usually just make myself food before he comes over.

I don't know what to do. He is GREAT to me..he treats me wonderfully but i'm afraid for our future. He has been hinting that he wants to ask me to marry him sometime soon, but with the way things have been going, i'm afraid to even think about that. I'm not saying I want to marry a millionaire, but I want to marry someone that has goals, ambitions, and a drive to provide the best that he can....

Sorry this was so long...but, what do you all think?
[QUOTE=sweetpea123;3253504]Hello! Let me start from the beginning.

I'm 23 years old, boyfriend is 22. I met him almost 2 years ago, and we've been together for about a year and 10 months or so. When we first started seeing eachother, he was aspiring to be a chef. He cooked for me frequently, talked about school, etc. At one point, we even visited a school near us, took a tour, and he even put a $100 deposit and filled out all of the registration papers. Unfortunatly, his parents were un-supportive to say the least.

His grandparents are very well off, and a couple of years ago gave all of their grandchildren $10,000 to put away for whatever they decided to use it for. However, his parents are pretty shady and to make a VERY VERY long story short, after he recieved the 10K in a bank account in his and his fathers name, he hasn't seen it since. He was counting on that money to put towards school.

Anyway, there has been a lot of family drama surrounding that money. His dad has given him numerous stories as to where it is, but still, he hasn't seen it since. So, he became very discouraged about the schooling. I insited to him that his grandparents would be MORE than happy to co-sign and help him financially (which I KNOW they would) but he is afraid to go to them because he would have to admit the money they gave him is gone, and doesn't want to cause any more family problems. I say screw it! $10,000 is an AWFUL lot of money for parents to steal from a child, especially money that was going to be used towards school!

Well, ever since the school issue went down, he's just been becoming less and less ambitious. He kept his job working as a line cook at Chili's for far too long, and only recently got a better job (that I told him about) which still isn't all that spectacular. He loves his current job (cook for an assisted living facility) and while that is awesome, it doesn't pay well at all. He's told me how much he likes not having to deal with the stress of working in a resteraunt, and how he gets to take his time preparing all the meals, etc. And again, that's great. But he made a comment when we went to visit his mom the other day that struck a bad chord in me. We were talking about the kitchen manager, and he mentioned that he could eventually get her job. The thing is, I don't know for sure how much money she makes but I DO know what her job entails, and that she lives in a ghetto neighborhood. Basically, she orders all the food and makes sure everything gets done. She doesn't cook or anything.

There are a couple things that bother me about that. 1, he has gone from wanting to be a big shot chef, down to doing catering, all the way down to managing a kitchen at an assisted living facility. 2, i'm concerned about money. Now I don't expect a whole lot, but lets just say that I don't want to spend the rest of my life in finanical stress.

I know as relationships go on, you often do less and less to try to impress eachother, but he's gone from making me delicious meals, to making me top ramen. And even at that, it's not often.. I usually just make myself food before he comes over.

I don't know what to do. He is GREAT to me..he treats me wonderfully but i'm afraid for our future. He has been hinting that he wants to ask me to marry him sometime soon, but with the way things have been going, i'm afraid to even think about that. I'm not saying I want to marry a millionaire, but I want to marry someone that has goals, ambitions, and a drive to provide the best that he can....

Sorry this was so long...but, what do you all think?[/QUOTE]


Hello sweetpea123! My, what a bind your boyfriend is in- you mentioned the $10,000 was taken from his joint account that he shares with his father but that both parents are shady- but I take it if you visited his mother then you must be on good terms (or at least talking!) with her? Maybe get your boyfriend to have a word with her about the money and everything.

I can see how these couple of setbacks could have bruised and dented your boyfriends ambitions- imagine having all that possible money behind you to fund your goals but then it being stopped/halted for some reason.
Personally I would feel extremely guilty about asking my grandparents for even more money, however, that is up to your boyfriend to decide- maybe he can save instead? I know that would take a while though.

Are you both doing ok financially at the moment? Does your boyfriends current job have any room for him to progress, $$ Wise? maybe he could ask for a raise if he is doing well at the job/has been in it for a while?

Please don't think your relationship could be over just because of this issue- I understand in a partnership both people need to contribute but maybe you just need to have a chat with him and figure out where things are going!





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